Holding Nothing Back

I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!

 - Mark 9:24b

God desires relationship with us so much that He sacrificed everything to make that happen. He pursues us with a passion, but He also wants us to pursue Him. At times He seems so elusive, so hidden. Sometimes it feels like He wants us to hunt for Him without immediate success, to weary ourselves with the pursuit, miss the signs and come away empty handed at times, but to somehow in the seemingly unsuccessful times come to know the nature of God a little better. Belief and unbelief mix together to drive us to search even greater, remembering, even in the midst of doubt sparked in feeling unsuccessful in our search for God, that we are promised to find when we seek.

In the story that the opening quote from Mark comes from, a man brought his possessed son to some of Jesus' disciples and asked them to heal the boy. They couldn't. Jesus learned of the situation and told them to bring the boy to Him. The father begged Jesus to help his son.

I have sometimes wondered what that man must have been thinking and feeling. The Bible doesn't tell us. We know from the text that He had enough hope and faith to take the boy to the disciples. All around the area people were being healed and restored. He may not have known what to think of it, but He believed the stories enough to see if they could be true for Him as well. He himself confessed that He believed in Jesus, but in the same breath he admitted fears, doubts and unbelief. We aren't told exactly what the unbelief consisted of, but maybe it was something along the lines of: Is this healing really possible? Is this Jesus really all they say He is? His disciples couldn't help, can He really do this? What am I going to do if this doesn't work? 

In response to the plea Jesus told the father that He could heal the boy if the father believed because anything is possible with belief. The father immediately cried out to Jesus, I do believe but help me overcome my unbelief! (NLT)

Even as he proclaimed his faith, the father humbly recognized his vulnerability, his weakness and doesn't try to hide the truth of his fear and doubt from Jesus. Jesus told him that he needed to believe and instead of trying to hide what might cause failure in his search for a solution, for an encounter with God, the father brought his belief and his unbelief to Jesus. 

The father's desperation and doubt became the vehicle of his most potent act of faith, thrusting everything he had and lacked onto the hope in the power and mercy of Jesus. With his act, the father raised the question are faith and doubt mutually exclusive? Does one always give way to the other? Or do they coexist to create a fertile field of humility, risk and defenselessness? Can it be that even our doubts, our questions and confusion are actually tools to spur on our faith, inspiring us to greater risks, deeper diving into the depths of Jesus? Could it be that our doubts are the fuel to drive our pursuit to seek out and reveal what is hidden?

When we hold nothing back, even our doubts and questions and fear, from the Son of Compassion, He responds to us. We, like the father in Mark, do not need to control or overcome our unbelief as much as we need to make ourselves vulnerable by honestly trusting all of us, even what seems lacking, to the care of Jesus. And as we do this time and time again, we will discover that Jesus will never betray our vulnerability and will never fail us.