There are those whose story is God set me free and I have never done ______ since. I never looked back. He can do the same for you. And there are those whose story is God set me free. It wasn't easy. I stumbled. I slipped. More than once. But God never stopped loving me, caring for me, calling me back to Him and helping me. The grace was there to get back up, to learn and grow and walk free. I myself went back many times in early sobriety, and it took me months to string together over 30 days clean and sober. Then I finally truly surrendered and what a difference it made. Suddenly it all came together and I recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, found healing for the spiritual sickness eating away at me and found freedom from the obsession to drink and drug.
I had it. I thought there was no way and nothing that could ever change that. I celebrated my first year clean and sober at 38, and it was by far the longest stretch of unaltered consciousness I had ever had since the age of 13. About three months later I relapsed and nearly died before I made it back. That was the last time. It's been over seven and a half years since I turned back to chemicals to fill the space in my life that only God can fill. In a week it will be seven and a half years since I returned to recovery and got clean and sober once more. I pray for the last time.
Today I won't say that I will never drink or drug again. I will say that I know that I don't have to. None of us ever have to return to our sin like a dog returns to vomit. We do not have to go back to our old master. We have been set free and can stay free. I will also say that as long as I remain under the control of the Spirit, I know that I won't go back, because that's not the direction He's going. The point is that relapse doesn't have to be a part of your story. It's not God's will for us, and He can set us free without it. But if we do fall, we have One who intercedes on our behalf, who is faithful and quick to forgive and who will not cast us away or forsake us. Daddy's love for you and me is not based on performance. And finally, until we have been fully made like Jesus, whether we have ever lost ground and fallen back into the hands of the enemy in an area we'd been given victory over or not, if there have been no relapses before or many, we all have one more in us.
That's right. As long as we are in this flesh we all have the potential to go back to living for self to the point where we get as stupid as Samson. Even after Delilah betrayed him to his enemies more than once, he finally told her his true weakness. He was defeated. Blinded. Put in chains, and spent the rest of life grinding the corn of his enemies. We all have that potential if we get outside the will of God, take our lives back, begin to live for self and in the power of self again, to listen to the lies and take and eat of the deadly fruit of temptation. But we may not have another recovery in us. I have buried far too many friends who went back out one more time and died. I don't want that to be me. I don't want it to be you. It doesn't have to be.
Above I said that about three months after I reached a year I relapsed. In a way that's true. But it's not the whole truth. The truth is my relapse happened about three weeks after that one year mark. It just took a while before I actually picked up that first drink that led to the rest. It's easy to mark a relapse as the moment when the addict takes that first drink again, takes a drug again, places another bet, loads up that pornographic website, sits down with a spoon and a tub of ice cream, or engages in/consumes whatever their particular area of bondage is. But that's not really it. It's like falling off the cliff. It may be hitting the ground that does the damage, but slamming into the earth is not when we fell. We fell when we went over the edge. I didn't relapse when I went back out. I relapsed when I got mad at God again, took back my will and quit trying to improve (or have any, really) conscious contact or relationship with Daddy.
After that I was falling. It was just a question of how long I would fall before I hit the ground. How long could I or would I fight on my own will and power to stay clean and sober. Turned out to be about two months. When Samson walked in the power of the Spirit he couldn't be defeated by thousands. When he wasn't walking with God he placed his very life in the hands of a single woman who'd already betrayed him before. As much as it may seem so, Samson really isn't especially stupid. We're all like him. When we're walking with God we are more than overcomers, more than free, more than able to go anywhere and do anything that He calls us to do. We don't have to sin or relapse or fall back into old behavior or however you want to label putting the chains back on. But if we get outside of God's will and stay there, sooner or later we will do something epically stupid. It may not be relapse. It may be something totally new. But we will bring destruction and captivity into a life that God has set free.
The sickness is a spiritual one. The addiction is a symptom. The cure, treatment and solution for the spiritual sickness is also a spiritual one. Jesus is the answer. Relationship with God is our only hope of freedom and a life worth living. Relapse is also spiritual. It happens in the spirit, heart and mind before it manifests in the actions. The good news is that if you feel like you've fallen, like you've gotten off track, you don't have to hit the ground and make that crater before you (hopefully) return to the road that leads to life. If you have taken or do take back your will, if you have begun or begin trying to do it yourself, you're rushing toward a painful crash. Like Peter who took his eyes off Jesus when walking on the water and immediately began to sink into the sea.
Peter was doing the impossible. As long as he kept his eyes on Jesus he strolled on the sea. But when he started thinking of himself, oh my, what on earth am I doing? How am I doing this? He began to sink right then. But beginning to sink, he cried out, Lord save me! And Jesus did. We in recovery are doing the impossible every day. Our entire lives are miracles. We are walking above and free of what should have killed us and what we never had power over. As long as we keep our eyes on Jesus we will be OK. But the sinking starts when we get back in self, not when we drown. And we don't have to be near drowning to cry out for help and return. Beginning to sink we can cry out, Lord save me! He will. We all have moments we live for self and get out of God's will for us. When we see them, we need to get back under the shadow of his wings as soon as we see it, when our ankles start getting wet. If we wait too long, we just might drown.
This site is free. If this blessed, helped and or informed you, the best thing you can do is pass it on via the social buttons below. And please subscribe or follow Unshackled Life Ministries on Facebook.
Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments, the weekly Unshackled Echo and or listens to the Audio Messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them on social media, commented on the blog or replied to an email subscription. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions and sermons to more people by sharing this? Hitting the share button or forwarding this to a friend will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.
No comments:
Post a Comment