The point is that simple phrase and desire to tell someone that we are praying for them. Be careful with that. I have had times of struggle and suffering in life where I felt blessed, loved and encouraged when someone told me that they were praying and would pray. This is especially true when the person saying it is someone I know cares about me and has a rich prayer life and goes to war for the people they have on their intercessory prayer list. But that positive feeling upon hearing about the prayers is not always there, and there are reasons for that.
I've had people tell me that they have heard about what I am going through and they are praying for me. Did you hear love? Maybe you did, and maybe it was there. After all, it's hard to hear tone and motive in the written word sometimes. But often, what I heard was, we're talking about you. You're a source of gossip and ridicule. What I heard was you're messing up. Shame on you. More than once, someone telling me that they were praying for me came across to me that they didn't approve of me or my choices and that they were conspiring with God to beat me into line.
Now I'll be honest. During many of these times I was nowhere near spiritually, mentally or emotionally healthy, so my perceptions may have had little to do with reality when it comes to the other persons motives and feelings. That said, attitudes often speak louder than words, and I am sure that I was not totally wrong all the time.
Before telling someone that we are praying for them, let us ask ourselves why. Motives matter. First, are we really praying and interceding on their behalf? Sometimes saying I'm praying for you is about as meaningful as have a blessed day. It's just the spiritually polite response. Don't do that. Don't say you're praying unless you are. It's not being polite or encouraging. It's a lie, and it can lead someone to believe that they have prayer support that they don't. It's like telling someone at a restaurant that you'll get the tip and then not tipping at all. You cheat the server, make the other party an accomplice and act like a selfish jerk. Just don't.
I sometimes wonder when I see twenty comments promising prayer in response to a request or tough situation on a Facebook status how many people actually are or will pray. Maybe we mean it with the best of intentions. I will pray for you. But then we forget. Oops. If we tell someone that we will pray we should take action to make sure that they don't slip our mind and we actually pray for them. Jot it down. There are free apps to keep track of prayer requests if you're an app lover. Better yet, instead of saying I will, just do it. Right then, right there. Say a prayer. But if it's something serious where in-depth intercessory prayer might be called for, do something to remember the need. Prayer requests can be like dreams. They feel important and we are sure we will remember, but within minutes of moving on with our day they begin to fade from our awareness.
But let's assume that the issue isn't a polite lie, and we are not being judgmental and critical couching our disapproval and condemnation in manipulative spiritual speak. We do care. We are concerned out of love, and we are praying. Do we say anything? The first question is why do we want to? If the answer, get honest with yourself here, is so that you look good, look caring, look spiritual, etc. then shut up and pray. If it is to add a good deed to some tally, look what I did for you, now we are even for what you did for me or now you owe me, then don't say anything. Just pray.
And let's stop using a promise to pray as an excuse not to do anything. We are the hands and feet of Christ, and there is only one instance that I can think of where Jesus told anyone He would be praying for them and didn't take some form of action to help and meet their need right then and there. Jesus told Peter that He would pray for him because the enemy wanted to sift him like wheat. But Jesus didn't make a habit of walking by people in need and saying I'll pray for you.
Promise of prayer isn't an escape card. Intercessory prayer isn't dismissive. It is I'll fight for you, not I'll pray but I'm really to busy to care. You aren't as important as what I need or want to do right now so I'll tell you I'll be praying and leave. It isn't condemning. I'll pray, but you need to just shape up and act right or get over it already. And it isn't a response to fear. This makes me uncomfortable so rather than give a listening ear and a shoulder to lean or cry on, I'll say I'll pray and run. There are times when all we can do is pray. But they are fewer and farther between than we like to admit.
Let's have a lot more I'll pray and.... I'll pray you get some rest and help you with what you need to do so that you have more time to rest. I'll pray you get well, but in the meantime I'll help by..... I know you're scared about what the doctor might say, so I'll pray and be there with you so you don't have to hear it alone. I don't know how to fix what you're going through, but I will pray and sit with you as you cry and cry with you. Prayer is an action verb and most times should be combined with other acts of compassion to truly express the love and care of Christ to someone.
I am not saying don't tell someone you're praying. If they ask for prayer, it's a good thing to do so that they know that someone cares and their request is being heard. But if you say it, pray it. Bringing it up again later can show true love and concern. I have been praying about that situation, how are things? I am sure Peter felt loved by Jesus and sure that Jesus truly would pray. We can't control how a wounded person may perceive our actions, but if we are being moved by love, then letting someone know they are loved and being prayed for can be an encouragement and blessing. So tell them. But if our reason for telling them is about us instead of them or in any way to manipulate them into cooperation with our prayers, then it's best to leave it in the prayer closet. Prayer is not a weapon to beat someone into compliance, it is not a way to express our opinions about them or their situations or to condemn while trying to mask our unChristlike and unloving attitude behind religious superiority, and it is not a get out of action free card. It is spiritually standing in the darkness and the mess with those in need. It is opening ourselves empathically to their struggle and going to Daddy with them and for them. Let the Spirit guide you in when they need to know, if they need to know, that you are in the pit praying with them. But whether you tell or don't, pray for those who are in need and are suffering and struggling. Prayer is real and powerful and the fervent prayer of someone in relationship with Daddy accomplishes much.
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