Unfailing Love

"Just a face in the city

Just a tear on a crowded street

But you are one in a million

And you belong to Me

And I want you to know

That I'm not letting go

Even when you come undone"

~ Matthew West

We were created for relationship, and because of this we all, even the most devoted loners, have an innate need to be wanted. It is all too easy to determine our value and worth based on how we perceive we are wanted and cherished by others. It is easy to see the destruction in the lives of adults who have felt unwanted and unloved during childhood. How many of us feel better about ourselves because we are in a romantic relationship or have been blessed enough to find a marriage partner? How easy is it to find our self-esteem crash when our partner is critical or does something to make us feel unloved or unwanted? 

And no matter how old we get we often still feel like children around our parents. It's like there's a natural part of us that still wants to please them and make them proud of us because deep inside we need that validation. These feelings can extend to bosses and other authority figures in our lives. For some, especially those that feel wanted and valued by those important to them, this need may not seem to affect their lives much. For others who have had little or no approval from others, or who have experienced the devastation of losing that approval because of mistakes and hurts, it can be devastating. 

That need for approval and to be wanted can be a driving force in our lives to the point where we choose spouses, careers and possessions based not on what God wants for us or even on what we want but instead on what we think others want from us. It's a dangerous road to travel, and it often leads to failure, emptiness and terminal loneliness. The places that people go and the things that they do to erase the pain of failing to gain approval from others can lead to addictions of all kinds and a miserable existence.

But the answer for all of us, whether we feel the approval of others or not, is in the acceptance that never fails, the acceptance that isn't based on performance. We have to find that place where the love from parents, or spouses or siblings or children or anyone else no longer defines how we see ourselves, either from having that love or not having it. We have to realize that the approval of bosses, teachers, pastors or any other authority figure is not the measure of our worth. 

And the way to do that is to come to an understanding of the awesome, unearned love and acceptance found in God. That's the relationship we were created for. The others are just a bonus. So, whether we have love from people or don't, we are not built upon shaky soil to crumble when people fail or left adrift on an ocean of loneliness because approval never was there. The truth is that approval and acceptance has always been there for all of us. And it always will be. We just have to receive it.

The theme of the Scriptures is God's love and pursuit of relationship with us. God, wanting to win our hearts and have us as a part of His life, gave everything to make that possible. He didn't wait for us to be good or religious or healthy or anything else. He saw us as we were when He formed us and as we were at each moment of our lives since, in all our wounded, needy brokenness and said "You are beautiful to Me and I love you. I want you. I desire to walk with you and spend your life with you." And unlike the love of parents, spouses and others, His love never fails because God never falls short of loving us the way that we need to be loved. The way we were created to be loved.

The freedom from the bondage of being slaves to the approval we have or haven't had comes from accepting God's awesome love for us. We may have the blessing of love from others. We may not. But either way, we can be well and content, because His love is big enough to be enough. He loved us at our worst as much as He does at our best. He doesn't change toward us based on how we perform or respond to His love.

But just as a person who is totally and completely loved by another can not feel the joy and benefits of that love if they keep the lover at a distance, we can not experience all that comes with being loved by God unless we allow Him into our lives to love us. If we let Him, He will show us His love in a way that will change our lives for the better and even change how we feel about ourselves. His love can free us from all other needs and remedies for the emptiness we feel without it. That love is there, whether we choose it or not. But life is only worth living when we do choose it. When the need to feel loved arises in us, let us turn to the source of all love and accept the only love that never fails.