Holding Nothing Back

I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!

 - Mark 9:24b

God desires relationship with us so much that He sacrificed everything to make that happen. He pursues us with a passion, but He also wants us to pursue Him. At times He seems so elusive, so hidden. Sometimes it feels like He wants us to hunt for Him without immediate success, to weary ourselves with the pursuit, miss the signs and come away empty handed at times, but to somehow in the seemingly unsuccessful times come to know the nature of God a little better. Belief and unbelief mix together to drive us to search even greater, remembering, even in the midst of doubt sparked in feeling unsuccessful in our search for God, that we are promised to find when we seek.

In the story that the opening quote from Mark comes from, a man brought his possessed son to some of Jesus' disciples and asked them to heal the boy. They couldn't. Jesus learned of the situation and told them to bring the boy to Him. The father begged Jesus to help his son.

I have sometimes wondered what that man must have been thinking and feeling. The Bible doesn't tell us. We know from the text that He had enough hope and faith to take the boy to the disciples. All around the area people were being healed and restored. He may not have known what to think of it, but He believed the stories enough to see if they could be true for Him as well. He himself confessed that He believed in Jesus, but in the same breath he admitted fears, doubts and unbelief. We aren't told exactly what the unbelief consisted of, but maybe it was something along the lines of: Is this healing really possible? Is this Jesus really all they say He is? His disciples couldn't help, can He really do this? What am I going to do if this doesn't work? 

In response to the plea Jesus told the father that He could heal the boy if the father believed because anything is possible with belief. The father immediately cried out to Jesus, I do believe but help me overcome my unbelief! (NLT)

Even as he proclaimed his faith, the father humbly recognized his vulnerability, his weakness and doesn't try to hide the truth of his fear and doubt from Jesus. Jesus told him that he needed to believe and instead of trying to hide what might cause failure in his search for a solution, for an encounter with God, the father brought his belief and his unbelief to Jesus. 

The father's desperation and doubt became the vehicle of his most potent act of faith, thrusting everything he had and lacked onto the hope in the power and mercy of Jesus. With his act, the father raised the question are faith and doubt mutually exclusive? Does one always give way to the other? Or do they coexist to create a fertile field of humility, risk and defenselessness? Can it be that even our doubts, our questions and confusion are actually tools to spur on our faith, inspiring us to greater risks, deeper diving into the depths of Jesus? Could it be that our doubts are the fuel to drive our pursuit to seek out and reveal what is hidden?

When we hold nothing back, even our doubts and questions and fear, from the Son of Compassion, He responds to us. We, like the father in Mark, do not need to control or overcome our unbelief as much as we need to make ourselves vulnerable by honestly trusting all of us, even what seems lacking, to the care of Jesus. And as we do this time and time again, we will discover that Jesus will never betray our vulnerability and will never fail us. 

Perfect Acceptance

God loves you as you are,

not as you should be.

- Brennan Manning, author of The Ragamuffin Gospel

Those who have read and listened to the Unshackled Life Ministries messages over the past month and a half will recognize the above quote from Brennan Manning. I use it quite often. There is so much life changing, freeing power in that short sentence. Once we realize it's true, we could spend a lifetime exploring the implications. There's nothing that we have to do, need to do, or can do to attain or increase the love of God for us.

But I had someone ask me, "If God is so accepting and loving, and never changes, then why was only the high priest allowed into the Holy of Holies in the temple and why did everything have to be perfect, and why do we have to do it His way or be cast away forever? If God is so accepting, then why can't we just hang out with Him without having to change?"

Well, the answer to the last part is we can. And we can't. But let's look first at the question of how we can call God accepting when He allows only perfect holiness to enter His presence, when He won't tolerate anything unrighteous? I mean really, you have to be perfect to come into My presence or you die doesn't sound very compassionate or accepting does it?

Let's look at it from a different perspective. The light of God's love is perfect and holy. I John 1:5 says, This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you; God is light and there is no darkness in him at all. God is light and there is no darkness in Him or around Him. It's not about acceptance or tolerance. It's about light.

I'm a photographer, and playing with light is part of what I do in that vocation. The contrast between light and shadow and the way light is used can make all the difference in the story that a photograph tells. But if you're really trying to show off an object for advertising or something along those lines, you want the whole object to be in the light where it can be seen. You don't want shadows obscuring the view. And to eliminate the shadows, or darkness, you need the light to be perfect.

When a room is set up with perfect lighting, a photograph can be taken anywhere in the room without capturing a shadow with the subject. That's because there is no shadow. Light, by it's very nature, destroys darkness. If the light is perfect then there can be nothing of shadow or darkness in the area, not because light doesn't like darkness, but simply because it is impossible for the two things to exist in the same place at the same time. Light eliminates dark just by being.

God is perfect light, and when the imperfections of anyone or anything are brought into the presence of that light, what is not light also, what is not of the same nature, is destroyed. Perfection can not coexist in the same time and place as imperfection.

But God loves His creation! He wants to have relationship with us. He desires to have us come into His presence and enjoy His company. And He went to great lengths to make that possible. It's quite a feat actually. He made a way to make the unholy holy, to make imperfection perfect, without destroying the object of His affection, which is us.

Since we, in our darkness, couldn't go into His presence, He came into our presence. Perfection took on imperfection. God wrapped Himself in flesh and walked among us. And when He did, he hung out with the imperfect, the broken and the outcast. He lived an earthly life spending time with those that even the imperfect of humanity considered too imperfect to associate with. People no relatively healthy person would go near Jesus actually touched. He ate with those no one would eat with. He talked to those no one would speak to. He accepted the rejected into His presence and had compassion on the wounded and broken in such a way that makes even the most accepting and tolerant of us all look uncaring by comparison. 

Because He is God, He lived that life of compassion and acceptance in such a way that the law of cause and effect never caused darkness. And then He extended His victory over darkness to the rest of us. He loved and accepted us so much that He suffered a brutal and horrible death for us to make it possible for us to come into His presence in His realm. He came to us and made the cross a tool of transformation so that imperfection could become perfect and exist in the presence of perfect light. 

In His wonderful acceptance, He made that transformation available to each and every person. No one is too anything to be included. The worst of the worst, the ones none of us would even want to give a chance to, are permitted to come. No one is excluded for any reason. No one is turned away. Everyone is free to come into relationship with Him. But it remains true that darkness and light can not dwell together, and the process of changing darkness into light is faith in Christ.

The love of God does not exclude anyone, for any reason. The grace of God extends to us all. There is not a single person that God did not provide a way for. That is total acceptance. That goes way beyond tolerance. That is love.

Self Esteem

This weeks message is entitled "Self Esteem" and is about and is about 47 minutes in length. All around us we see the message of the importance of self esteem, but what is a Godly perspective on the issue and what are we as believers to base our value on? Today's message answers those questions and shows how we are to treat others based on the understanding of our own value. I pray that this message blesses all who listen, and if you are blessed by what you hear, please share this message with others. God bless you.

Doubt

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I'm never alone

- Never Alone by Barlow Girl

We see through a glass darkly. Sometimes we feel God's tug on our hearts and lives and respond only to encounter soon after a dryness where we can no longer feel much of God in anything or we fall short and question our calling. Sometimes we face a crisis as it feels our life is being blown apart and God is not doing things the way that we want, hope or pray for. That relationship we were praying for healing and restoration in remains strained or completely falls apart despite all our efforts and prayer. That loved one we prayed for remained sick or died. The job we prayed for didn't happen or while trusting God to meet our needs we got laid off and felt the needs pressing in even greater than before. The peace we pursued continued to feel more elusive than grabbing a rainbow. Doubt can, at least temporarily, pin faith to the mat of our inner struggle.

And then with our faith looking weak we begin to be beaten up by condemnation. Our problems are all because we doubted. If we loved God the way we should, we'd never have even a moment of doubt of God's love, care and provision for us. If we had strong enough faith we'd never experience a single setback or disappointment. Bogus statements one and all. 

Jesus said we'd face hardships and setbacks. While there is no indication that doubt ever entered into His being and no one could have ever had stronger faith than Jesus, Christ still went from a triumph entry into Jerusalem with everyone shouting His praise to alone in a garden, sweating drops of blood in agony and fear, about to be betrayed and forsaken by those closest to Him facing a horrible and painful death separated from the presence of the Father for the first time ever in less than a week. Never doubting doesn't mean we won't face things that make us feel like God isn't there or that we won't like or understand. And moments of doubt and questions don't mean that we don't believe or that we have failed God.

David was called a man after God's own heart. And yet, many of His psalms have questions about when would God finally step in and help Him. When would God make things right? God didn't strike David down or forsake Him for his doubts and questions but instead showed him that no matter what it may feel like, no matter what it may look like, despite what the world says and our senses tell us, He is there, we are not forsaken, God does love us and care for us and we are indeed safe in His care.

Until we see Him and know Him without any barriers there will be struggles with understanding and with doubt. And that doesn't mean that even as we question, God isn't calling us to serve despite everything. That's why Jesus said we needed faith the size of tiny mustard seed and not a mountain. That's why faith is stepping out when we don't see how God can do things because everything around us says it can't happen. If all our senses said God was there and it was all going to be OK and everything is fine, it wouldn't be faith, it would be trust in our senses and experience. When the disciples gathered before the risen Lord in Matthew 28 verses 16 & 17 tell us, When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted. Even in worship, even at the foot of the risen Savior, even as the calling is being given, even surrounded by believers, we might doubt. But a believer is not someone who never doubts. A believer is someone who pursues relationship with God and determines to believe that what God says is true even when doubt and emotions and situations say it isn't. A believer is one who cries Son of David have mercy on me!, even as the voices in our head and around us say shut up, doesn't everything happening show you that He has more important things to do, that He doesn't care about you? Yet we cry all the louder. 

Doubt makes the act of continuing in faith all the more powerful, just as fear is what makes acts of courage great. If there were not great fear to overcome then it would not seem courageous to do what needs to be done in spite of that fear. And if there were no reason to question or doubt then stepping out in faith would not give much glory to the One who is faithful when He does what He has promised to do, love and care for us. Don't allow doubt to be a doorway for condemnation. We can pray the prayer of the father with the ill child, Lord, I believe, but help me with my unbelief. Don't beat yourself up over doubt, but determine to stay fixed on Christ regardless, so that when the winds of doubt blow we soar like a kite because we're attached and not scattered as though we have no anchor. Let us use our doubts and questions to bring glory to the One who answers them when we continue to follow after Him, regardless of the doubt rather than have them be a weapon that the enemy can use to separate us from our Father. 

Stuck

I remember a time when my father and I got stuck. I don't remember the exact situation, but I think we were leaving the area after rabbit hunting. Driving across a low spot in the farmer's field we were in, the truck became stuck. My father tried rocking back and forth in forward then reverse and all the other tricks I'd seen him use to get a vehicle out of the mud. They'd never failed before, but that night they did. We were stuck.

Then my father shocked me. He walked to a nearby barn and borrowed a shovel. He shoveled sand into the bed of the truck. I kept thinking, Now we'll never get out of here. He's making it sink down more! It was one of the few times in my life I doubted my father's wisdom and sanity. Much to my surprise, after he finished putting sand in the bed of the truck, he drove right out of the hole, across the rest of the field and to the safety of the road. We were moving again! The added weight caused the tires to press into the earth and have enough traction to move forward instead of spinning on the surface.

It's easy when the weight of life is on us to want to moan and ask God why He's letting that happen. Perhaps God, seeing what we can not, know, that the ground we're moving across or will be moving across soon is slick and wet and easy to become stuck in. Perhaps He's adding weight so we can maintain traction of focus on Him. Or maybe we've driven our lives into an area we shouldn't have and the results of our own will and actions have caused the added weight. Either way, the answer is the same. Instead of cursing the weight and being discouraged, let us be thankful that we aren't needlessly spinning our wheels and that we can we can let the burden focus our attention on Jesus and give us the traction to seek the safety of His solid rock. There, in the way of His will, we can give Him the weight that we're too tired to carry.

Great Expectations

"Put your expectations on God, not on people."

~ Joyce Meyer

We all have expectations. We expect a certain amount of common courtesy. We expect our spouses to honor and value us, our children to respect  and obey us, our bosses to appreciate our work, our friends to be loyal, our cars to crank when we turn the key, our bodies to function in a relatively healthy manner, and so many other things. But what do we do when life flips the script and what we expect, what we feel should happen, is not what happens? We learn the answer to that in Philippians 1 through the example of Paul who experienced broken expectations in the area of plans, people and places but stayed joyful and full of hope.

Paul was an evangelist called to go to the world and share the good news of Jesus. He started churches all over and went from place to place ministering. Now he was stuck in prison. When we are stuck in a place or situation that is uncomfortable, unfulfilling, or unsafe, it's easy to get discouraged and lose hope, But Paul became encouraged rather than discouraged. He said in Philippians 1:12 that his suffering lead to the advance of the gospel.

People will fail our expectations. It hurts, especially when it is someone we love dearly and who is supposed to love us, like a spouse, child, parent or grandparent. Maybe it's more life itself that let us down instead of a person. A loss of financial security, the death of someone close to us, a health crisis, and other situations similar to these can throw our lives into a tailspin as our expectations go up in flames.

Paul could have naturally expected to receive encouragement and help from fellow believers. After all, he was in prison for taking the gospel to them. But instead of encouragement, some were glad he was in prison. Hurt and anger would be the natural response, and would've left him miserable. Paul knew that death loomed over him, that at any minute his execution could be ordered. But instead of being paralyzed by fear Paul responded by saying that Christ is preached and in this he rejoiced (1:15) and that for him to live is relationship with Christ, and to die or lose himself and his expectations was to gain (1:21).

Paul's only expectation that mattered was for Christ to be honored and for God to be glorified through his life and reactions to his life. We can let go of our expectations. That doesn't mean to slip into hopelessness that says what's the point? No matter what I do misery is all I will find. No, we can release them in a better way, by remembering that what matters is relationship with God and what will be eternal. People and situations here are fleeting, even if fleeting is 90 years or so. The eternal is what matters. If we use our despair and failed expectations to inspire us to run to God, to find our comfort and solace in Him and our purpose in His will, then not only will we find peace and comfort for ourselves, but our peace when there should naturally be no peace, when everyone's expectations would be for us to be miserable and full of despair, will advance the gospel and show the love and power of Christ to a hurting world around us.

Being Motivated By Love

If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

- I Corinthians 13:2

It is easy to slip into the place where we feel the need to flaunt our accomplishments. For some of us who, like the prodigal son, have messed up many times it feels good to finally be doing something right, and we'd love for as many or more people to see our goo an accomplishments as saw the mistakes we made. For others who are more like the prodigal's older brother and have tried to find their value in their works only to find it unfulfilling, the temptation is often to work even harder and make sure people see it.

In Philippians Paul warned those who were proud that they were keeping the law and religious customs. Their works gave them the idea that they were the top of the line, star Christians, but their self-righteousness and better than everyone else attitude caused division in the church. Paul told them to stop rejoicing in their own accomplishments and start rejoicing in the Lord.

Paul encouraged the Philippians and us to stop focusing on things to make us look good and instead live in such a way that people see the love and compassion of Jesus in our lives. He then listed his own accomplishments, which were many, and told how they amounted to nothing compared to the value of knowing Jesus.

There are no star Christians, no class system within followers of Christ. There is only one star, and that is Jesus. Whenever we feel the need to brag about over something we have or have done, the message is clear, don't. As Jesus said, those who do good works for the praise of others have their reward, and it's not enough to fill the empty and give us a true sense of value. Jeremiah put it this way, Let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth, (Jeremiah 9:24).

God looks at our hearts. He looks at the motivations behind our actions. God says obedience to His law of love is worth much more to Him than the sacrifice of following the law of religion. The law and all its do's and don't's put the focus on sin and us rather than on Jesus. God wants us to live love. This is why we are told that if we don't have love we are nothing. If we have everything that religion has to offer and don't have love of relationship then we have nothing. We show our faith not by works of holy acts and doing this or not doing that but by putting the love of God in our lives into action. Showing faith by works flows from love and is a condition of being in relationship with Christ, not by legalistic works or actions where the motivation is only to prove our faith or look good in the eyes of other Christians and religious people. 

Escaping Being Overwhelmed

"I will cry to you when my heart is overwhelmed"

Psalm 61:2

Even as christians we can feel overwhelmed by life. It happens to all of us. The weight of what is going on in our lives and everything that we need to get done can begin to crush us. It's easy to ignore the signs of being overwhelmed by just excusing them by thinking that life in today's world is hard and full of pressure, but there is nothing new about stress and hard times. We are not unique. A couple of millenia ago Jesus told his disciples straight up that we will face hardships and tribulation in the world. Even before Christ spoke on earth King David wrote numerous psalms expressing fears and anxiety. 

There are situations in our life and in the world that are out of control and beyond our ability to fix. There is so much pressure and anxiety in life that at times we may feel like we can't even think about it. It's scary to feel overwhelmed and like we're drowning. It's hard sometimes to admit we don't have it all together. But here's a secret to encourage us, Jesus is the only person who ever walked this  earth who  had it all together. You don't. I don't. And we never will this side of eternity.

Jesus experienced anguish and fear on the cross because He voluntarily went through those things on our behalf and so that He would experience what we experience. He loves us so much and is so moved with compassion by our overwhelmed condition. Throughout His life on earth scriptures are filled with examples of Jesus being moved with compassion for the hurting and overwhelmed. That compassionate heart of Christ has not changed, and today that love and compassion is directed to you and me.

We are not unique or alone in feeling overwhelmed by life, and we need to realize that. It doesn't make us bad or mean we're failing. It means we're not God. After we see the need we need to cry out to God for help. Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth I will cry to You when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I," God is our rock, our salvation. When the waves of life are washing over us, we need higher ground, and finding our way to that safe place is not in using our will to change our attitude or by deceiving ourselves with pleasant sounding positing things about the fact that we're drowning. Getting there is a result of the Lord leading us to safety. The solution is not in we ourselves but in the shelter of the Rock upon which everything is built.

Psalm 61 goes on to say "For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever, I will trust in the shelter of Your wings." We should be able to look back over our lives and see instances where God has been a shelter to us. If we can't see them, we can ask God to show them to us, because if we're alive then there have been times that the state of living has only continued because God had our back. God has been our defense, protected us from danger and enemies. He has watched over us and sheltered us in the past. And because God's nature doesn't change, we can know that He will continue to be our shelter in the present when we run to Him instead of attempting to protect ourselves from the storm.

So how do we find peace? What about when we can remember times of help from God but still can't shake the fear that we are drowning now? Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed (anchored). God's love is unconditional but His blessings often are not. Here the blessing of peace is tied to the condition of anchoring our mind on Christ. We need to anchor our hearts and mind on Jesus. The Lord keeps His promises, and here we are promised that if we turn our eyes on Him and off the waves then we can have peace in the midst of the storm.

But sometimes that's difficult and before we realize it we've quit looking to God and started looking at everything that we need and the overwhelming truth that it isn't possible for us to meet that need. Our anchor has been moved and we are cast about on the waves, afraid and out of control. What then? First we can reanchor our hearts and minds like David did when he was afraid and overwhelmed, but praising God for His faithfulness and His loving kindness towards us. Gratitude and praise diverts our focus away from our problems and onto the One who is able to meet the needs that we are facing. This brings peace, but if we stay focused on the problems and put our energy into trying to keep the waves of the ocean from rising and falling we'll be overwhelmed by them.

Sometimes we get our attention so set on the problem that we forget the simple truths of God that we know. It may seem silly, but it's not. We all do it. And it always leads to fear, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. One of the things that is so easy to forget when the waves are crashing all around and over us is that prayer has a gate we can go to enter the presence of God, whenever we need to or want to.

"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all you lands.

Serve the Lord with gladness. Come before His presence with singing.

Know that the Lord , He is God. It is He that has made us, and not we ourselves;

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving. And into His courts with praise. 

Be thankful to Him and bless His holy name.

For the Lord is good. His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations.

-Psalm 100

This chapter, especially verse 4 (Enter in.....bless His name.) is more than beautiful lyrics to an ancient song. They are a call to rise from our fears, tears, and anxieties and look to the Lord who loves us. It isn't always easy. If it were we wouldn't forget to do it so often, but if we fill our minds, hearts, and mouths with praise to God, we'll find ourselves walking through the gates into His presence, even as the storm rages around us.

We can't easily or fully concentrate on two things at once. So it stands to reason that speaking praises to God will distract us from and displace some of the darkness that is threatening to overwhelm us. But if it is nothing more than that, then it won't last longer than any tactic in the power of positive thinking tool box. But more importantly it works because God says in Him is peace and freedom. Praise takes us into God's presence and connects is to Him. It strengthens our faith.  It doesn't bring peace to us by clouding or distracting our mind. It takes us spiritually out of the storm and into the place the storm can't go and where peace is, the presence of God.

Praising God as the storm blows is an act of faith. It is taking action based on deciding to believe that what God says is true, even when our circumstances make it feel or look like it isn't or might not be in this particular case. God knows what we're going through and what we're facing. We need to remember that and trust Him, step forward in faith, praising Him for His faithfulness and the ways He has proven Himself in our lives. Enter into His courts with thanksgiving or gratitude and praise. We need to give up our right to be angry about our situation. We can and need to approach the Lord as a hurting and scared child seeking a comforting parent. And the God of peace will make His love real for you and crush the enemy under His feet.

Getting Close To God

"If you extend your soul to the hungry

And satisfy the afflicted soul,

Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,

And your darkness shall be as noonday.

The Lord will guide you continually,

And satisfy your soul in drought,

And strengthen your bones;

You shall be like a watered garden,

And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fall."

Isaiah 58:10-11

Jesus is the King who came to serve. He spent his life and ministry in service to others. Ultimately He gave His life so that we might have relationship with our Creator/ What Jesus did for us, and then leaving so that the Holy Spirit could come and actually dwell in us, makes it possible for us to daily experience the presence of God. We can walk with Him and talk with Him and know that we are not alone.

But during our spiritual journey we may have periods of drought where it seems like God is far away. One of the quickest ways to bridge that gap we feel between us and God is praise and worship. We are told to enter His gates with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise. And while praise and gratitude can make us aware of the presence of God, it can seem to fade again as we go about our daily living.

One sure way to remain close to Christ throughout our day is to do what He does and care about what He cares about. I felt special to my father as a child on those times that he didn't just try to spend time with me, but tried to spend time with me doing something that he knew I loved and enjoyed. It made it clear that I was important to him when what was important to me was important to him. Those times brought us closer together. When we're doing what God really loves and cares about we experience the closeness that comes from sharing passions. God is all about giving His love away to the hurting and broken and sharing His compassion with the disadvantaged. Being of service to others is not a way to score up spiritual points and look good on the Heavenly Scoreboard, it is how we show God that we love Him. We love Him, and that love then extends into loving and caring for what He loves and cares about...others.

Freedom From Fear

Fear hinders more areas of our life and blocks our abundance in Christ more than any other enemy. When fear is in control of our lives we can not truly submit to the will of God for us because our will is not ours to submit. Fear controls our thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions and decisions. At least that is the case if we allow it.

Fear is a bully, and like most bullies is more bluff than bite. As long as we believe that fear is in control and that we can not face it, fear will knock us down in the spiritual school yard and kick the wind from our lungs on a regular basis. We will end up beaten and bruised by an adversary too strong for us, we will duck and hide, tiptoe through our days hoping that fear doesn't spot us and attack. We may even take chemicals designed to fight fear, kind of like paying for a bodyguard, only to learn that our body guard sometimes sleeps on the job and fear still knocks us down.

Then comes the day that we wake up and realize that we don't have to take it anymore. If we face fear and get beat up it won't hurt any more than the daily beatings from this bully. It also finally occurs to us that we've been adopted and our new Daddy is the king and has promised that anyone or anything that attacks us will have to answer to him.  That's bad news for any bully.

We, still afraid, turn to face the giant, crying out No more! I know that you're telling me all the bad things that can happen, and I know that they can't all come true, but even if the worst happens I will still have God's love and care and I'd rather be His child with trouble then live completely trouble free but empty! I know who I am, I am God's child, and His plans for me are good, even if it doesn't look or feel like that.

Yes, I am afraid, but I am not going to run from you anymore unless it's to my Daddy, and if you chase me all the way to Him you'll be sorry! My Daddy can whip you with one hand tied behind His back!

Sound childish? It is, and that's the point. We are God's children. Because of that we have the promise that no weapon fashioned against us will prosper, we will not be defeated, greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. These are truths, and they are not true because of our status as mighty men and women of God who never get afraid. No, they are true because we are God's precious little children, and like a child we can run to Daddy when the bully attacks and know that we are safe in His presence, no matter what.

What we find when we turn on fear with the full assurance of who our Daddy is and how much He loves us, is peace. Our circumstances may not change. We may still be hanging on the cliff with disaster below us and trouble throwing rocks from above, but our toes are braced on the solid rock of Christ, our fingers grip with renewed strength because God is on that cliff side with us, and we know it. Fear has lost its strength. In the light of God's love the bully fear finds its own nose bloodied instead of its intended victim. Fear is knocked down and cast away. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear (I John 4:18). God's love is perfect, unconditional, and without pretense. When we are filled with the understanding of His great love, His love will begin to flow with freedom into every area of our life.

Because of God's love for us it is possible to live with confidence and total freedom. We find our identity in who we are as adopted children of God and not in our past mistakes, our present conditions, or other people's opinions or expectations. God alone is our source. When we embrace His great love we can be freed from the shackles of fear and anxiety.

Praising In The Storm

"I was sure by now,

God would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining"

~ "Praise You In The Storm" Casting Crowns

We do not have to live within the confines of our circumstances. What is happening to us and around us in the material world does not have to control what happens within us and in the spiritual realm, which is where we truly live. We can learn to overcome and live unbattered by the winds of the storms in our lives by focusing on Jesus. When we turn our eyes upon Jesus and off the circumstances causing pain and fear, we find the love and presence of the One who has been there and walked through that.

Trouble and distress are a part of this life, and if we are not living in the spirit then fear becomes a corrosive thread that ties the two together and stitches them to our minds and emotions. Without God there is no escape. 

But there is escape through Christ. But escape doesn't always mean that the storm is going to end or that we'll find a place of shelter where we no longer feel the wind and the rain. Escape is found in the presence of Jesus, in walking through the storm knowing His hand is there to protect us, even though the storm continues to rage all around us, we are no longer afraid, it doesn't make us turn to another road, and we don't stop moving forward. When we keep going and the storm does not effect the condition of our lives except to make us squeeze the hand of God a little tighter and lean into Him for support, then not only have we escaped the destruction that the storm could have done, but we have grown because of it, and found it to become a blessing that brought us closer to our father.

We can face trouble with joy and peace, or as Jesus put it, good cheer. As we sit in prayer and meditation in the presence of the Lord, He shines peace into our troubled minds, hearts, and emotions. "And the things on earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." In the presence of God, we are freed from earthly shackles and lifted above our circumstances and the storms of life.

When we live spiritually in the presence of God and in relationship with Him, we gain His perspective on life and the storms we face. We see what is temporary and what is eternal. We find a better understanding of what is critical. We find rest and receive joy that can not be blown away by the storms of life or the people around us.

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." 

~ John 16:33 NKJV

The Perfect Parent

Right now all over the world babies are being born. One in particular is on his way, and his name is Baiden. Baiden is blessed to have what some do not. He has two loving parents who already care greatly for him and have protected and cared for him as he developed. I know that they will continue to do so as he greets the world and after. Baiden and his parents have lots of people who love and care for them. They will not lack for love and support. Baiden will know the love of his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and more I'm sure.

But as much as he is loved already and will be loved in the future, as much as his parents will strive to be what he needs and keep him safe, there will be times when all the love and support will not be enough, when it will fall short, when Baiden will face difficulties, disappointments and hurts. I pray that they are few and far between and that they are not great, but  he will have them, as much as his parents and the rest of us would like to shield him from that.

But that's OK. The areas and times that his parents get it right will be this precious little one's first examples of the faithfulness, protection, care and love of God, his Heavenly parent who always loves him and will never fall short. And where they may stumble, it will show him that no matter how wonderful and loving our parents may be, we need more. Despite great love and good intentions, people in our lives fail us at times. Baiden will learn this like we all do, through experience. My prayer for him is that he quickly learns to turn to his Heavenly Father for his source, his strength and joy whenever and wherever any of us in his life fail to love and protect him perfectly.

His parents will have their own struggles and disappointments, and they too can choose how to respond to them, I pray that they see God as their ever present help and as the One who is able to protect and meet all the needs in their lives and fill the gaps their humanness leave in their own lives, and the life of those they love.
We all need that, We all can do that. Like a child who has been welcomed into the world with love and joy, we have been welcomed into our Heavenly Father's household with love and joy. And like a child who learns quickly that he can count on Mom and Dad to feed him, change him, hold him and comfort him, to keep the monsters out of the closet, we can count on God to care for us, love us, and protect us. We do not need to hesitate to turn to him when we fall while trying to learn to walk, when we are afraid, when we are hungry or thirsty or have any need. Like a parent who truly loves He is ready to care for us. Unlike an earthly parent He will never fall short and is always able, no matter what comes.

Wanted

"You are wanted

To every broken heart, He stands with open arms

You are wanted

To every searching soul, look to the rising sun

If you're lonely, hurting, gone too far

To the outcast you come as you are

For you, you are wanted, you are wanted"

~ "Wanted" Dara Maclean

We were created to have relationship with God.  What God wants most is to be close to and intimate with you and with me! His desire for relationship with us was so great He gave everything to make it possible. And when we find that relationship and understand how much God loves us and wants us we find the joy of a life worth living. Everything is better. Life becomes the emotional equivalent of riding off into the sunset together that makes romantic movies so wonderful and appealing to us.

There is such power and freedom in knowing that we are loved and wanted by God that the one who seeks to devour and destroy us would like nothing better than to make sure that we never come to that place. If we can be prevented from understanding the truth that God loves us and wants us in the depths of who we are then we can be robbed of what God wants for us and be made ineffective to help others find relationship with Him as well.

So it starts early, when we're young. For some, making us feel unwanted and unloved is easy. Broken and inadequate parents fail miserably, or worse, abuse and do damage. For those who are taken from biological parents in order to save them or who lose parents due to death and find themselves bouncing from place to place in the foster system the lie that we are unwanted becomes all too easy to believe as strongly as the concept of what goes up must come down. But that doesn't mean that those of us who had parents who loved us and cared for us are immune.

The lies come that we just don't fit in, that we do not and can not ever belong. We see all the ways that we fail to measure up to the hopes and desires of others as proof that we are worthless. The attitudes of peers can cause us to feel like outcasts. We take feelings of insecurity and shame and confusion and stuff them down, hiding them, and those secrets leave us feeling separated and misunderstood, failing to know the truth that others feel the same way and also just aren't talking about it. We buy the lie that nobody understands us. We are broken  and defective and no one who ever really knew us, knew what we thought and felt inside, could ever want us, accept us or love us. And then comes the big lie, if no one else could, neither could God. Set up with the little lies we fall for the big con and go through life feeling unacceptable to and rejected by our Heavenly Father.

Oh what emptiness and pain that lie causes, and the things we do to try to cover up those feelings, to forget them, to find something else to take the place of our Father's love. And those things always fail and bring destruction. But there is hope, because the truth can always defeat lies and set us free. No matter if you felt alone in a crowd but were always surrounded by friends or never had a true friend, whether you had parents that loved you or know the pain of the orphan, if you've never been betrayed by love or if you never felt love at all, if you have ever felt the emptiness and loneliness of being unwanted you don't have to continue in that feeling.

God loves you. He wants you. He created you and declared you beautiful to Him and precious. He loves you as you are, not as you should be. He sees the mess inside your heart and head that you try to hide and cover up and accepts you anyway. Nothing that you tell yourself or that the enemy tells you makes you unlovable can keep God from loving you. And nothing you do or fail to do can make Him stop loving you. You are wanted. You are loved. The perfect parent who never fails, the most faithful friend, the lover who never strays of betrays knows everything there is to know about you and declares for all to hear, "I love you and want you with me." Hear the call to come to the security of His love. Accept His wooing, and in that relationship the emptiness is filled, the loneliness fades, the unworthiness and unvalued becomes a treasure.

Violinists around the world dream of owning a Stradivarious. They are rare, and when one does become available it costs a fortune. I read recently the story of why these violins are so precious and sound so much better than any that other makers construct. The secret is in the wood Stradivarious used. He lived in a small Italian harbor village in the 1700s, and since he was too poor to buy wood to make violins with, so he pulled wood out of the polluted harbor. At that time the harbors were town dumps, smelly and filled with waste and garbage.

 When experts analyzed the wood from Stradivarious violins they discovered that microbes in the contaminated water had eaten away the inside of the wood's cells. The only thing left of the cells was the superstructure. When a Strdivarious is played it's like an organ with thousands of sound chambers, each reverberating the sound of the bow moving across the strings.

No matter how polluted and worthless we may feel, God sees us as valuable. He knows that what we have done and what has been done to us has the potential, in His hands, of making us beautiful and unmatched instruments for His glory rather than the worthless driftwood we feel like and Satan would have us believe we are. We can stop looking at ourselves as trash, surrender to the Master, and allow Him to turn us into His special instruments. It's His life's work to take our broken and polluted lives and transform them into His masterpieces. That is His great desire. We are wanted and valued.

Live With Abandon

"Chasing after this world makes me tired

Praisin' my own name leaves me dry

There's gotta be so much more to life than this

A higher calling that I missed

I want my life to count, every breath"

- Live With Abandon by The Newsboys

There was a point in all our lives where we realized that no matter how good we had it, that no matter if all our apparent needs were met, something was missing in our life. For some of us it may have been more that as bad as it was, we knew that life was not supposed to be this way, instinctively we knew there's got to be something more, that we needed more joy and less sorrow.

The way we responded to that moment of clarity and crisis determined the path our lives took and the way we thought about life, the world, others and ourselves. It also established how we thought about and responded to God, or if we even acknowledged Him at all. That moment was when we first started to realize that there was a hole in our lives. Moments like that may have been a one time thing or repeated often, depending on how we tried to deal with that hole. Whether we realized it or not, that hole in our hearts and lives was a God-shaped hole, and nothing else will ever quite fill it well. 

St. Augustine offered an explanation as to why none of us will ever find it possible to find true satisfaction in pursuing pleasure or possessions. "Thou hast made us for Thyself and our hearts are restless until we repose in thee."

Until we find our rest in and are kept in relationship with God, we will never find peace, contentment or true and lasting joy. It's simply not possible. We will never be satisfied and have that hole filled from feeding our desires and addictions, because there is never enough to satisfy our selfishness. To live to please ourselves and meet our own needs leads to misery and emptiness, even if the things we're doing are basically good, like fighting for a worthy cause or doing volunteer work. 

Our motives matter. If we are servants to make ourselves look good or receive praise or if we are junkies in search of oblivion and everything that falls between the two, whatever we do, whatever goal we set and pursue, whatever do or take into ourselves to fill the emptiness in our lives will fail and fall short...except God. Pursuing things, power or praise just leaves us exhausted. Clinging to people to end our emptiness only leaves us vulnerable to hurt when that person eventually fails to meet our need. Drugs and alcohol, sex, food, shopping, gambling and any other substance or activity we find escape in will only make our lives worse in the end and never work the way we need. There is never enough. Our need always wants more and more and more, because these things don't last and don't ever fit the hole quite right, not even if what we are using is religion. 

But when we come to realize that true satisfaction in life comes from relationship with God, everything else falls into place. Those things we used to replace relationship with Him that were destructive, can be set aside and walked away from. Things that aren't bad for us in and of themselves, such as food, sex or religious activities will cease to be areas of damage and destruction to us and those around us and begin to enhance our lives, because they will be in their proper place, have their proper value and be used and applied in our lives in a healthy way rather than as an addiction.

We are promised that if we seek first the relationship with God then all the other things we need will be provided for us. We are built for relationship, and God says it's not good for us to be alone. But if we put relationship with people before relationship with God, loneliness and hurt is the result. When we put God first, our relationships with people can be wonderful. God gave us our needs and instincts for food, sex, socialization, security and more, along with the ability to take pleasure from them. We wouldn't  have taste buds if we weren't supposed to enjoy the taste of food. But when theses instincts and feeding them are not in proper place in relation to God, when they drive and dominate us, they will never satisfy and only lead to depression, fear, anger and resentment.

We are meant to enjoy life and what it has to offer. But we are meant to enjoy relationship and intimacy with our Creator first and foremost. It is only when we find our satisfaction and joy in the Lord that our enjoyment of these other things in life and what we have can be appreciated as blessings from God and things that help us be of better service to Him. It is only when that God-shaped hole in our lives is filled with Him that we can ever stop misusing or have the power to walk away from the things in our lives that damage and destroy us.

As contrary as it may seem, the answer to lack and need and misery and fear is not to protect ourselves by protecting what we have and fighting for more, but rather to abandon it all, including the instinct for self preservation, to pursue relationship with God.

Clearing Away The Debris

This weeks message is entitled "Clearing Away The Debris Of The Past" and is about 18 minutes in length. The wreckage and wounds of our past can leave our lives cluttered with debris and strongholds that hinder our walk with God and make us miserable. In this message we look at some ways to clean this garbage from our lives. I pray that this message blesses all who listen, and if you are blessed by what you hear, please share this message with others. God bless you. 

He Will Direct Our Paths

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths."

~ Proverbs 3:5-6

So often we become anxious trying to figure out what we need to do in life or about a particular situation. And sometimes we feel like we can't move until we have all the answers. It's as if we're not comfortable and able to have peace until we know all the steps and turns and stops of the journey. We need to see the whole plan, or at least the plan for months and years ahead so that we know we're on the right road.

But these verses tell us that we don't have to live like that. We don't have to be ruled by anxiety because we can't see the whole picture clearly. We are assured here that we can trust in God, and that He will never fail us. We don't have to worry about if God has us or not, because He does, We can trust in Him.

And we don't have to lean on our own understanding. We might not be able to see the whole picture or know exactly how things are going to turn out. But God can, and we can know that as long as we are doing and surrendered to His will, we will be taken care of. 

But sometimes we don't even know where we should place our next step, much less what's down the road a mile or two. In those times we have this promise, that while we don't have to understand everything and can trust in God, if we acknowledge Him, if we recognize His place in our lives and accept His truth in every situation, that He will, not might but will, direct our paths.

It can be like having the faith to believe that while we can't see what to do, if we will step out in faith, He will place the correct path under our feet and make sure that we get to where He needs us to be, He causes the right doors to open and close. He brings that right people into our path, As long as we acknowledge Him by accepting His truth  and recognize who He is in the situations that we face, He will make happen what needs to happen to carry us to the places and situations He's called us to. 

We don't have to figure it out. We don't have to make it happen. We can trust that God is in control, sees what is needed and can fulfill His purpose, if we give Him his proper place in our hearts, our minds, and in the situations of our lives. What a wonderful pressure relieving promise. Knowing God is God and will care for us is what brings the peace that passes all understanding and gives us rest in the midst of the storms and uncertainties of life.

Forgiveness And Reconciliation

Yesterday, my wife, my mother, my father, and I spent some time visiting, and the conversation turned to spiritual things. I don't remember exactly how, but the subject of forgiveness came up, and along with it the idea of restoration or reconciliation. There is a difference between the two things. Sometimes we forget that. I realized as I meditated on the subject that I had allowed a lot of hurt into my life over the past several years because of misunderstanding the application of forgiveness and restoration.

I know a woman, a good friend of mine, who recently told me that she can not forgive her mother, although she knows she should and prays for the willingness to forgive. It just hasn't happened. This lack of forgiveness is not due to how horrible her mother's offenses were, and they were serious. The world would say my friend has a right not to forgive. But what happened to my friend is not the issue as much as the fact that every time she tries to forgive and allows her mother back into her life the damaging behavior is repeated, causing my friend to be hurt all over again.

As my friend put it, if I punch her in the face and then ask her to forgive me, and she does, what happens when I immediately punch her in the face again saying I'm sorry seconds later? How long is she expected to stand there and let me punch her in the face just because I keep saying I'm sorry and asking for forgiveness? I responded that the simple definition of forgiveness is to release someone from a debt that is owed, to no longer demand payment and justice for what has been done to us. But just because we forgave the debt doesn't mean that we have to keep giving the person checks to rack up more bad debt against us.

There is truth in my response, but my friend and I suffered from the same problem. We both confused forgiveness with reconciliation. They are not the same thing. Forgiveness is something that we have to do in order to be healthy spiritually. It is commanded of us by God. We are told to forgive as we have been forgiven. I won't go into to much detail about forgiveness here though. At the end of last month I wrote about forgiveness, what it is and its importance in an entry entitled The F Word. You can give that a read if you want to see more on the subject of forgiveness itself.

Reconciliation is different than forgiveness. It's the restoration of the relationship between two people. With full reconciliation two people are restored to the same depth and quality of relationship as there was before the hurt occurred, perhaps the relationship becomes even better than before. Sometimes this is possible and a good idea.  Sometimes restoring that relationship is simply asking to be punched in the face again.

Reconciliation can never happen without forgiveness, but forgiveness doesn't always bring reconciliation. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who did the harm and everything to do with the person giving it. We have to forgive whether the person who harmed or offended us deserves it or not, asks for it or not, changes or doesn't. Holding on to resentment and unforgiveness hurts us, not the other person. It hinders our walk with God. But while forgiveness is commanded regardless, reconciliation is dependent upon the other person.

It's important for us to understand that unlike forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration of a broken relationship is a process that is conditional. The conditions are determined by the attitude and actions of the one who has been forgiven. Those who commit serious and repeated wrongs against us must realize that their actions and responses affect the timing and the process of reconciliation, whether it happens quickly or slowly or not at all. Those who are truly sorry and repentant will accept this truth with brokenness and humility. It is only with God in control of the lives of both involved that there is grace for true reconciliation to occur when the damage is great.

When the hurt is relatively minor and not great, forgiveness and reconciliation should happen together. I Peter 4:8 reminds us that love covers a multitude of sins. When we withhold reconciliation over little things we are not walking in the love of Christ. For more on that idea, see Ephesians 4:32-5:1. Immaturity and manipulation are often the prevalent attitudes in a situation where the love spoken of in these two scriptures is  absent. This lack of walking in love is something that we need to deal with in ourselves and is not contingent upon the person who needs forgiveness.

When we are deeply or repeatedly betrayed though, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean or require that we immediately grant the same level of relationship back to the one who hurt us. Even when God forgives our sins, He doesn't promise to remove all consequences caused by our actions. Forgiveness does not negate the truth that what we sow is what we reap. Reconciliation is amazing and should be the goal, but it's important for those who hurt others to understand that their actions will affect the process of rebuilding trust and if that is even possible. Just saying I'm sorry is not enough in serious cases and without a change in behavior and attitude, reconciliation can cause more harm to both parties.

A victim of domestic abuse is a good example of this idea. Let's say that a husband or boyfriend hits his partner. Regret sets in and an apology is made along with a request for forgiveness. Forgiveness needs to be given. But while forgiveness should be given, he should be made to understand that this kind of hurt destroys trust and will not be tolerated. If he continues in the behavior there will be consequences that could include jail time and loss of relationship.

When we have been significantly hurt and feel hesitant about reconciliation and restoration of the relationship, it's both right and wise to look for and require changes in the person who did the damage before allowing reconciliation. This is especially true when the offense has been repeated.

The act of forgiveness releases the desire for revenge and repayment. Romans 12:9 tells us that it's God's place to avenge and repay, not ours. Forgiveness is first and foremost about our relationship with God. When we truly forgive we should be open to the possibility of reconciliation. Forgiveness requires us to offer a repentant person an opportunity to demonstrate that repentance and rebuild trust, unless personal or family safety are clearly at risk. But when a person has repeatedly behaved in a harmful and irresponsible manner, they must accept the fact that reconciliation may not be possible, and it it is possible, that it will be a slow and sometimes difficult process.

When we're the ones who have done the wrong and desire restoration of relationship, we must guard our hearts against frustration and anger when it doesn't happen as quickly as we would hope. We need to continue to surrender to God and allow Him to do the needed healing in His own time rather than attempt to force a quick fix. Refusal to do this can show that we are not truly humbled over and repentant about what we did, that we fail to see the significance of the damage we caused.

If their relationship is not right with God, the person who did the harm, and this may be us, might begin to demand to be restored to the same level of relationship as before. They allow hurt and anger over the lack of relationship to dictate the process rather than God and love. They put the blame on the one who forgave, forcing the issue and implying that they should be restored by virtue of spoken apology and request for forgiveness. Anger burns within them over the very idea that the other person has shut them out of relationship. There may come a time when they remind the forgiver that they have asked for forgiveness and demand to know what more is wanted from them.

It's a very good question, and the forgiver has every right to say I need to be able to trust you again before I allow you into my life. Forgiveness is commanded by Jesus, Restoration must be earned. That takes time and effort from the one who did the damage, not just words.

There are a few main considerations in the timing and possibility of the process of reconciliation. They are the attitude of the person who harmed us, the depth of the betrayal, and the way we were hurt (the type of damage and if it was repeated).

When we work towards reconciliation the first and most important step is to confirm whether or not the person who hurt us is truly repentant. (Luke 17:3) An unrepentant person will resent having to jump through hoops. They will be angry over our desire to confirm the genuineness of their confession and repentance. They may even resort to manipulation by accusing us of refusing to forgive if we don't also restore, by saying that we want to get back at them for what happened, by reminding us that we have made mistakes as well (and maybe that they have forgiven us). They may even say that if we don't restore the relationship we can't have forgiven and therefore are not truly Christians.

These types of manipulation reveal either a misunderstanding of the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation or an unrepentant attitude. Don't be manipulated into releasing them from accountability because of attitudes that cause statements like the ones above. We should carefully and prayerfully wait to see signs of true repentance before restoring relationships that have been extremely damaging to us. We may even need to seek guidance from a counselor or spiritual adviser who understands the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation and can help establish boundaries and levels of accountability that govern steps toward reconciliation that are restorative rather than damaging.

It's hard to truly restore a broken relationship when we're unsure about the sincerity of sorrow in the person who hurt us. We need to be certain as possible that they are repentant, especially in cases of deep betrayal and repeated offenses. Even with God, if we will not forsake our own selfish betrayals towards Him there will be areas of distance in our spiritual relationship.

Only God truly knows the heart and mind of anyone, so we have to evaluate actions. Jesus said in Matthew 7:16 that by their fruit you will recognize them. We can't allow surface appearance of repentance to control our responses. Tears and repeated words of sorrow must not be allowed to substitute true changes in attitude and behavior.

So what do we look for in the process of reconciliation? The person who hurt us needs to accept full responsibility for their actions and agree to accountability from others. They can not continue in the same behavior or anything like it. They shouldn't be defensive about being in the wrong or have a light or dismissive attitude regarding the hurtful behavior. They shouldn't be resentful over doubts about their sincerity or the need to demonstrate that sincerity, especially in cases involving repeated hurt. And they must make restitution when necessary. If they are not willing to make right what they can about what they did, then they are not truly repentant.

Remember, "If we can restore to full and intimate fellowship with ourselves a sinning and unrepentant brother, we reveal not the depth of our love, but its shallowness, for we are doing what is not for his highest good. Forgiveness which by-passes the need for repentance issues not from love but from sentimentality." - John R. Stott, Confess Your Sins, p.35.

When we've been seriously and or repeatedly wounded, we are not wrong to feel hesitant about reconciliation. When there is true repentance on the part of the one who hurt us though, we do need to remain open to the possibility of restoration. God loves restoration, and we shouldn't close that door without clear guidance from Him to do so and without just cause. We need to be honest about out motives, making sure our desire is to do what pleases God and isn't about demanding justice, which shows unforgiveness in us. Settle the question of forgiveness through your relationship with God. Requirements for reconciliation shouldn't be retaliatory.

Be humble. Don't let pride get in the way of God's restorative work. We can't demand anyone earn our forgiveness, just as we have not earned our own forgiveness from God. To require change and that things be made right in order to restore the relationship is one thing, but to demand that things are made right before we forgive is not forgiveness at all. We can not claim to release someone from a debt that is owed and require payment at the same time. Boundaries for reconciliation are not about retaliation or revenge but rather bringing healing into the lives of everyone involved.

We need to pray for those who have hurt us. Luke 6:28 makes this clear. It's amazing how our attitude towards the other person can change and how we can be freed from the poison of resentment when we pray for them. Also pray for the strength and grace to follow through with reconciliation if that is God's will for us (Hebrews 4:16).

We need to be willing to acknowledge our part in the problem and correct that. Even if we didn't start or cause the dispute or hurt, our lack of understanding, careless words, or unloving reactions may have made things worse. We can't act as though their greater wrong negates our own. If we do, we can become self-righteous and lose sight of how our lives have been bettered by forgiving and by receiving forgiveness. We need to pray about and examine closely our role in the situation and ask forgiveness of God and the other person for our wrongs, regardless of the other person's attitude or repentance.

Don't be afraid to be honest about the process. If we need time to come to grips with the reality of what happened and their repentance, we need to be honest about that without using time as a way to manipulate or punish them. If we have good reason to be hesitant about restoring the relationship they need to be told that. Past apologies that proved to be insincere, for example, may hinder us from trusting their repentance. This is a legitimate concern, but they need to know so that we don't cause them added confusion over what is needed in order for reconciliation to take place.

It is not right to place conditions on reconciliation without letting the person know what is expected of them. What these guidelines are will depend on the nature of what happened, but restitution may be necessary, or counseling, or a period of time without the behavior being repeated, etc. These are possible boundaries that can be clearly understood, while they also leave it up to the other person to do them or not. 

Change sometimes requires time and work ~ see Philippians 3:12-14. Occasional failure to meet the requirements doesn't always mean they are unrepentant or not trying. Some offenses such as violence and unfaithfulness can allow for no slipping into old behavior. But behavior patterns are deeply rooted within us and can hold a powerful place in our lives. When it is not dangerous to do so, we should demand progress rather than perfection. God is still working on areas in our own lives that are not yet right, and we should also allow time for Him to work in the lives of those who have hurt us, But this time can also be a factor in how much the relationship is restored. If they stumble, we may need to repeat the process of confrontation, confession and repentance. Setbacks are often a part of growth and change. We can't be too hasty to permanently close the door on reconciliation.

We need to remain surrendered to the will of God and remember that He is in control and that things happen or don't in His perfect timing. All things work together for good for those who love God... When we're having a difficult time forgiving someone and with reconciliation, we can look for ways that God is using the situation for good. Does it provide an opportunity to bring Him glory? Does this experience make us better able to serve others and help them grow spiritually? Is it exposing sin and weakness in our own lives that we need to have healed and removed? Are we being challenged to grow in our relationship with God? Seeing that God can use the wrong done to us as an instrument  to help us grow and mature, to help others and to glorify Him can make it easier to forgive and move forward with the process of reconciliation.  

Once again we need to remain willing to restore others, as God leads us to. We must not seek to punish or retaliate or prolong the separation longer than needed or directed by God. But for reconciliation to take place the person who did the damage must also seek restoration and realize the harm they caused and have the willingness to stop the behavior and do everything God would have them do to restore the relationship. If they do not understand what they did is unacceptable and are unwilling to change, restoration can not and should not occur. But while we need to be open to the possibility, we need to be careful not to allow restoration sooner than God directs us to. If we do, the cycle will only be repeated. 

We must beware resentment and anger. In  Ephesians 4:27 we are warned that unchecked anger leaves us spiritually vulnerable. A few verses later we are instructed to Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God: - (Ephesians 4:29-5:2).

It is important that we forgive. But let us not be manipulated by the enemy or others into equating forgiveness with reconciliation. I am grateful for better understanding in the distinction between the two, because it helps me see how God can protect me from further damage in some areas and also where I have felt the burden of rejection and unforgiveness over lack of restoration in my own life due to the wreckage of my past. We can be healed and restoration can and will occur if everyone involved is willing to surrender to God. But it may take time and require proof that God has changed what needs to be changed. How freeing it is to know that the lack of relationship does not have to mean that we have not forgiven or been forgiven.

Label Lies

I came across an ad campaign, called "Labels Lie," that does a heart wrenchingly amazing job of showing how devastating the lies we believe about ourselves can be and how they can destroy our lives. Some of the images brought tears to my eyes as I felt the pain they evoked. I'm not sure which hurt more, realizing that I have believed some of these things about myself and wielded the Sword of Lies against myself, or realizing that, knowing how hurtful and destructive the cuts from that sword can be, I have turned that blade on others.

The images in the ad campaign are easily the types of visions we'd have if stopped long enough to truly picture a physical manifestation of what happens spiritually and emotionally when we tear someone down with our words.  One of my mother's favorite verses on the subject of how we speak to and of others is Ephesians 4:29, "Don't use foul or abusive language, let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." (NLT) Mom would use this verse as a scalpel to slice away the teen tendency to even jokingly use cut downs in our church youth group meetings. Someone would say something not so nice about another and before another heartbeat passed her words would ring out, "4:29, that's not acceptable." It mattered to her how we talked because my Mom understands that words matter and knows the damage that labels can do. It something that Jesus understands as well, and we all need to. 

These images reveal our deepest wounds, our failures, our fears, our brokenness. They are heartbreaking, and because they contradict what God says about who we are they are also lies. Jesus was described repeatedly as having compassion. God loves us as we are, and not as we should be. Jesus loves us broken and wounded and full of fear and failure and doubt. He doesn't see out mistakes and call us trash. He see our mess and promises to wash it away, all the while declaring that we are not the mistakes we've made. Those are events. Who we are is something different. We are His children, His beloved. He precious treasure that inspired Him to give all that He had in order to attain.

  The good news of the gospel is that God knows all the things about ourselves that we try to hide and wish we could change about ourselves and, as outrageous as it may seem, loves us anyway. If we want to change the way we feel about ourselves, we need to be honest about two things. First, we need to truthfully acknowledge how we see and define ourselves. Then we need to hear and believe what God says about us. These labels are lies about who we are. God sees us, all of us, as beautiful and loved. Not because He can't see the real me and the real you. Not because we can ever hide those dark and shameful things from Him, but because He sees deeper. God is love, and love sees the truth that we are who He created us to be, regardless of the corruption that followed that creation.

 My wife and I love to ride the motorcycle down little farm to market roads and look at the houses. Quite often we'll see an old house in disrepair falling apart. One of us will comment about how it's a shame the house is in the shape it is in. We can see the ghost of beauty it once had, but now it is ugly and would be dangerous to live in. It simply needs to be condemned. But a carpenter could look at that house and see exactly what needs to be done to restore it and improve it. 

We're like those old houses. The winds of time and lack of care have let us broken, leaky and falling apart. But the Master Carpenter doesn't see that as the end of who we are. He doesn't condemn us. He has the knowledge, skill and power to fully and completely restore us to what we were created to be. We are not the peeling paint, leaky roofs and dry rot.

We are His workmanship, His masterpieces. And no matter how much mold has grown up and become a part of our make up, no matter how many termites have eaten away at who we are, He can restore us. He declares us His beautiful masterpieces and to believe any other label is to believe a lie. Any labels that contradict how God describes us, wound us and destroy a part of us. That's why we must be careful with the words we use, both in reference to ourselves and to others. We have to be honest, and if we don't see our own peeling paint we can't seek a new paint job from the Creator. But while we need to admit our need and allow God to come in to those broken and damaged areas of our lives, we shouldn't allow ourselves to be defined by these hurtful images and lies. And we shouldn't define others by them.

Jesus didn't come calling us losers and worthless. He came to tattoo the label of loved on us. Jesus' love for us came with radical acceptance and unconditional love. He embraced us, the wounded and the broken. Sure, as He heals, restores and saves us, declaring us forgiven and clean, He gently calls us to follow Him and sin no more. But when He tells us to leave our life of sin He is not doing it as a condition of His love, or as if He is having second thoughts about the work He did in us. He's not saying don't take this gift for granted or I'll take it back. It's not even a command for us to get our act together and shape up. It's a declaration that it is now possible for us to live differently than we have in the past! He's giving us the permission and promising the power to be different than we were because of our encounter with Him! No one wants to live a life of brokenness and emptiness when they've just encountered the very wholeness and fullness of love. Jesus is saying, it's OK, I see who you are, what you've done, and all the mistakes you've made. I know the truth of how you feel about yourself in the deepest depths, when the lights are out and the distractions have faded away. And I love you anyway. I love you so much that I will give you Myself so that those things that you have always been powerless to change can be changed. Today, because of Me, you don't have to hate yourself, and you don't have to fall short. You don't have to stay broken and a mess. "Go and sin no more," isn't a phrase Jesus wielded to make sure we get beat up when we fall short of the ideal, for His mercies are new every morning and His grace is sufficient. It is an invitation to leave our hurt and broken identity behind and to see ourselves as God does.

Repentance and new life in Christ isn't pretending we don't have wounds and that we aren't broken. It isn't about deciding from here on out to do the right thing. If we determine to live right, it won't be long until failure will heap all that condemnation right back on the walls of hearts that Christ washed clean. It's about making the choice to let the truth about who God says we are and what God says about us define us, determine our value and control how we think, feel and react. It's about seeing with our Father the masterpiece project in progress rather than the condemned wreckage we've been looking at, declaring the restored work is the truth about the person in question, not the thoughts and feelings associated with needing that restoration. We are loved unconditionally, and realizing that we are loved like that changes everything. As we begin to see that truth and understand what it means, we will find ourselves living differently, not because we have to but because we can, and we can have the courage to show that same radical grace to those around us too.

This is the dangerous truth of Christ, the beautiful good news of the gospel.  that as messy as we are, God loves us. We don't have to get cleaned up or straighten up first. He loves us. We don't have to change. He loves us. And when we catch a glimpse of ourselves through His eyes and see how beautiful He sees us as, and want to be who He says we are, we can accept that love and let Him come into us and do the restoration work. He can change those things that we never could before and never will be able to in the future. He can relabel each and every one of us. When we recognize and come to trust the truth of God's love for us and everyone else, it becomes impossible not to be changed and not to change the lives of those around us.

You are loved. Right now. No matter where you are at. No matter how far away you feel. No matter what you have done. You are loved. Don't ever forget that. What you choose to do with that love and how you respond to that love is up to you. But if you accept it, it can destroy those labels that feel so permanent and make you new.

Checking ID

“He has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts.” 

(2 Corinthians 1:22a NLT)

Allowing ourselves to be beaten up by and over our past as a way of life defeats the purpose of God in our lives. It replaces the victory that we are called to in Christ with defeat. To live under the control and bondage of the past weakens our faith and causes us to doubt God's amazing love for us. Living this way allows the enemy, the world, and our brokenness to define us and determine or value and worth, and allowing that denies the truth of God.

Galations 2 makes it clear that our faith will grow stronger as we focus on our identity in Christ. This means that if we want to defeat fear and doubt and weakness in our life by strengthening our faith, we need to be learning and taking upon ourselves what the Word of God says about us and not anyone or anything else. It doesn't matter what we've done in the past or what's been done to us. It doesn't matter that we've been broken.

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Never mind that my past says I'm a selfish, lying, cheating, thief. The label on my past may indeed say drunk, junkie, felon. But those things are not who I am. They are who I was outside of relationship with God. Your labels may not be as bad as mine. They may be worse. But it doesn't matter, because it is not our mistakes or our personality defects that determine our worth. If you have entered into relationship with your Heavenly Father through faith in Jesus, then you, like me, are defined by that relationship and that relationship only. Hello my name is child of the Most High God, and so is yours. No other label is valid after we have accepted Christ.

You have to abandon any image or label of yourself that is not from God. Stop accepting what others have said about you, how others have labeled you, and how others have defined you. Stop letting the failures and mistakes of the past speak to you about whether or not you deserve to be in relationship with God (you don't, and neither do I, so just let that earning mentality go nd accept the grace that's been given). Don't let your past dictate what you can or can't do for God or whether you can accept and fulfill the calling from God on your life.

Start believing what God says about you, that He is pleased with how He created you, and that God loves you.  Our selfishness and rebellion marred us like graffiti on a wall, but the blood of Christ has cleaned us, and we are forgiven. "You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you. (Song of Songs 4:7) That's what God says about you. You are beautiful to Him and there is nothing about you that is ugly or stained by your mistakes, by heritage or from the wounds caused by others.

You’re not defined by your feelings. You’re not defined by the opinions of others or by your circumstances. You’re not defined by your successes or failures. You’re not defined by the job you have or don't have, the car you drive or the shoes you walk in, the money you make or the cup you panhandle with, or the house you live in or the bridge you sleep under.

You are defined by God and God alone. He identifies you as his own (2 Corinthians 1:22).
The thing is, if we don’t know who we are, then we’re vulnerable to other people telling us who we are and how we have to live and what we can and can't accomplish for God. But the simple truth is that we are who God says we are, and no one else has a say in the matter, not even our own minds. What we believe doesn't change that truth, but what we believe effects how that truth manifests in our lives, in our minds and in our hearts.

Knowing and believing our true identity is an important aspect of walking with God. Those who understand who they are in Christ are the ones who have been able to run their race with endurance, who have fought the fight without giving up, who having done all to stand against the enemy continued to stand...they kept going with God. And that's what we can do when we remember who we are in Jesus. When we know that we matter to God none of that other stuff matters, and we have confidence to do what God has called us to do.

If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord, you are now identified with Christ and have the power of the Holy Spirit within you. You are God’s precious child, and He created you in a way that pleases him. You are no longer defined by anything but His love and acceptance. If you have not entered into relationship Jesus and are tired of being beat up by and over your past mistakes, then I encourage you to surrender you heart, your will and your life to the One who loves you and is calling you to Himself. When God calls you beloved, it no longer matter what anyone else calls you.