Unshackled Life Ministries: May 2017

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 31, 2017 ~ Making Ourselves Beautiful

Despite the social media memes and videos about Walmart customers and how it may have been for us during our way to and time at the bottom, most people care about what they look like when they go out in public. Sometimes those who look like and perhaps pretend they don't care may care a lot. I can attest to the fact that the sloppy, I don't care but I still look cool look can take a lot more effort than one might think. And sometimes maybe we don't care, or at least don't try, because our self esteem has been shattered, because we have been rejected and put down by others so often after trying that we quit. At least if they make fun then, we hadn't tried, and that hurts less.

But something that I have seen happen in recovery, time and time again, as people find freedom and a life worth living, there is also often an increase effort to look like some care and consideration went into the appearance. And for others, caring about how we look in public just seems normal. Oh wait, I can't go in there. I'm not dressed for it. I don't know how many times I have heard women refuse to go to one place or another because they have no makeup on. And it probably won't surprise anyone to know that one of the first and main questions I am ever asked when someone is thinking of visiting my church is what is OK to wear? How do people dress at Nacogdoches Christian Fellowship? Because there are some churches where if you can't dress and look the part you might as well not show up, where people make someone who doesn't look right feel so unwelcome and uncomfortable that they can't stand it and never return. Even a guy like me will take a glance at my reflection, maybe run a hand through my hair or put the stray strands back into the pony tail, before walking into a meeting or a store or restaurant.

I am not going to say that we shouldn't care what we look like, although it shouldn't consume us. If I have been working and have gotten dirty, I am not going to let that keep me from going into a store if I need something, or from getting something to eat. And I am not going to let the opinions of others choose my likes and dislikes and how I dress, wear my hair, etc. But there is one way that we should be seriously considered with appearance, always.

It's strange to me that we often see, hear and perhaps convey the idea ourselves that beauty comes from within and yet we act as though only outward appearance matters. We say true beauty is more about confidence, character and charisma than appearance. We say that being beautiful is about who you are as a person and how you treat others and make them feel. Even scripture tells us the best beauty advice is to care about the inside. Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:3-4).

So why is it, if we say the inside matter more than the outside, that we will go somewhere without checking our heart and our attitude where we would not think about going without checking our appearance? I am so guilty of this. I've had a bad day, and I am upset, frustrated, angry. It's like I've been working in a sewer. I stink. So I am not going around people if I can help it without cleaning up first. There's not caring that I'm a little dirty when I go into Walmart, and there's being so nasty that people three aisles over are catching a whiff and turning the opposite direction. I wouldn't go in anywhere that nasty if I could help it, but I don't hesitate to walk through a crowd with my flesh stinking. When I do that, people don't see Jesus in me. They don't receive the sweet aroma of the love of God poured out for them.

We wear our selfishness, our self centeredness, and our own will like immodest clothing, exposing ourselves in ways that make us look out of place, and worse. We forget when we are worrying about how we look in public that our heart should be the most beautiful thing about us. I'm not saying to wear a mask or pretend we feel something we don't, or manipulate people with false kindness and compassion. That's like drenching yourself in bad perfume or cologne. You might think you are making yourself smell good or covering up what isn't right or attractive, but people next to you are tearing up, holding their breath, starting to get a little nauseated and wishing they could get some distance between them and you. No, I'm talking about making sure our heart is clean and right.

To start the day with a heart shower is for more important than our outward hygiene and dress, not that I am saying don't wash your body or brush your teeth or whatever. I'm saying we need, each day, to take the time with God to make sure our spirit is surrendered and connected to the One who cleans us, who loves us and loves through us, to wash away our old nature, instincts, attitudes and stink and have them replaced with the new nature. compassionate and merciful heart that has a sweet smell of love. And let us not just take a spiritual shower in the mornings and evenings, but before we are about to be around people, let's look to the Spirit for our reflection to check ourselves, to make sure our attitude and heart look right before we go near others, so that our mess doesn't offend, doesn't drive them away, but rather His grace makes us beautiful to those around us, drawing them in closer so that they experience the love of Jesus and we can be of maximum service to God and others.

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Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments, the weekly Unshackled Echo and or listens to the Audio Messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them on social media, commented on the blog or replied to an email subscription. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions and sermons to more people by sharing this? Hitting the share button or forwarding this to a friend will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 30, 2017 ~ Plankeye Syndrome

If you are anything like me, Dear Reader, it is so very easy to fall into Plankeye Syndrome. That's that state of hating, disliking and or being uncomfortable with the world, life, people and situations around you as they are, coupled with being uncomfortable, disliking and or hating the way you are, and using criticism of the first part of the equation, the outer things, as the solution. Wow, that's a mouthful. I'm sorry, and I hope what I wrote made sense. It's not an easy idea for me to define. The basic gist is that there something I don't like so I criticize it and the people involved, failing to realize or address being a part of the problem myself.

I am talking of a specific thing where we are involved or have at least a small bit of influence or participation. Sometimes raising a voice against something is the only option we may have to try to do something about what is wrong with a situation we are not a part of, for instance human trafficking. We aren't participating in or contributing to the problem, so speaking out against it, criticizing it and the ineffective attempts to police, prosecute and stop it and the countries that actively support it, etc. to raise awareness and cause people to put pressure on those with power may be all we can do besides pray for the situation and those involved. In that case, not criticizing the situation may be how we contribute and help make possible the problem itself. But there are other times when that is not really the case.

I remember years ago getting upset during a recovery meeting and leaving early. The next day, a friend asked me why I had left, and I told her. The entire thing had turned into a self-pity party and war story contest. That wasn't helping me, in fact it was doing the opposite. I needed solution, not wallowing in the problem. So, if it wasn't going to be about solution I was going to leave. That's when she reminded me of an important truth and gave me some great advice The advice first, be the solution you want to see in the meeting, and remember that our primary purpose is to help those who are suffering. The truth of it is that if I am in the situation just to get what I need, then I am being as selfish as those who are whining and bragging instead of helping. I am not the only one there who needs solution. If I focus on helping and contributing solution to the discussion, then I get out of self, help someone else, and might even possibly change the direction and tone of the discussion by demonstrating what we need to be talking about.

That is just one example. There are many possibilities where this applies. How easy is it to get frustrated with all the rude and inconsiderate people in a store and allow that frustration to make us just rush through to get out of there, and in that rushing and anger at how others have treated us, cut people off, fail to acknowledge others, and generally become just another selfish shopper that someone else may classify as rude and inconsiderate? How much better would it be if when we feel that way, to actively take the effort and time to be more kind, more polite, more considerate to the others in the store with us? Maybe we might be a blessing to someone, a bright spot in what would have been a miserable time at the store, and at the same time, by focusing on making the time in the store better for the others we're stuck in there with, we get out of self and make our own experience better and less miserable.

It's so easy to criticize the lack of love, kindness and simple consideration of others in the world. We can then become frustrated or hopeless in the situation and end up contributing to the problem. But if we want to follow Jesus, we have to do what He did. He walked through everyday life loving and changing those around Him rather than being changed by them and letting their unloving actions and attitudes make Him respond in an unloving manner. What if instead of walking into a group of people who are all upset and frustrated and allowing that energy to cause us to become frustrated, upset and anxious, we were so loving and full of peace that at least some on the group around us become less upset and frustrated, more at peace themselves? What if instead of cursing the lack of love in the world, we turned up the volume on our own compassion and love and service to others?

Today, let us be the change we seek, while seeking to serve others who need a change. I'm not saying try to control or manipulate the actions and feelings of people around us. It's not I'm going to be kind to those around me to make them be kind to me. It's not do unto others so they will do unto you. It's do to others what you need, what you would want, as you would have them do to you. So give that rude jerk a smile instead of acting like a jerk back. Maybe no one has been kind to them all day or all week. Be the love the world needs to experience, be a part of the solution rather than falling into the problem, be the kindness that brightens someone's day and be the help that shows an alternative to the look out for number one, what's in it for me? mentality of most.

Just remember that the selfishness and self centeredness that we can be so critical about in others is the very thing that is and was the root of our own spiritual problems. If we have any freedom in that area it is not because we are better than those who are being selfish jerks but because of the grace of God. The only way we can walk so unselfishly that we are the positive change and light and love around us that we and the world needs is to stay surrendered to God and let Him do the loving through us. I want to be a part of the solution, the change that is needed. If you feel the same, then we need to remember that in order to do that, we need to let God change and transform us into His likeness and, in every situation, by grace, be so under the control and power of the Spirit, that we effect others rather than falling into line with the attitudes and actions we encounter.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 29, 2017 ~ Celebrating Failure

This month I celebrated seven years of sobriety, but, perhaps a little less publicly, I also celebrated eight years and seven months of recovery. That's how long it has been since I first was introduced to the steps that would lead me to freedom. Obviously there is a significant difference between those two lengths of time. There were some failures. But I celebrate them, I rejoice over them, and I am thankful for them.

Celebrating failure? Yes. Because failure is a part of success, and failure is important for me to remember who gets the glory for the great miracle of my recovery. It was failure that brought me to the understanding that I needed help, to the place where I could no longer deceive myself about being able to control my drinking and drugging. Out on parole for barely a week, with only six months to go before the State of Texas was off my back, I still could not wait. I couldn't make myself just not drink or drug for six months, not even to avoid going back to prison. That night, for the first time, I admitted I was an alcoholic and expressed an inward desire to try a spiritual program of recovery instead of fighting to fix myself. It was just 24 hours I desired, 24 hours at a time.

I didn't last the week. More expressions of desire came and seemed insincerely given, because I failed over and over again. Two weeks seemed to be my utter limit as I failed at that point several times before finally pushing on through to my first 30 days. I received congratulations that day, and that night I got both drunk and high. I had been so happy earlier when friends were telling me good job and encouraging me to keep on doing it. I dared to hope and began believing that maybe, just maybe, I could do this thing. Epic Fail. In less than eight hours later, I was wasted and feeling hopeless and worthless once more.

That failure caused me to surrender. The failure at the start made me realize I needed help. But I saw that help like a crutch. I would do it. I would walk the recovery road and get clean and sober, but I would have this crutch to help me. And I kept failing down, because I was still trying to do it myself, with a little assistance from God, on my terms, of course. That 30 day failure showed me that I had it wrong. Relationship with God and the spiritual principles exemplified and made a part of our lives through the steps are not a crutch after all. That connection with God is not a crutch, but a stretcher. We can't even limp our way to freedom without Him. I needed that failure to show me that God had to do it, with a little help from me (that help mainly being my willingness to get honest and give Him control and let Him do what He wanted with my life), on His terms rather than mine.

That's what I did/ And a year later, I was still clean and sober. I said stupid arrogant things like I can't understand how anyone could go back out after really getting this. After experiencing the freedom from obsession and recovering from a hopeless state of mind and body, how could anyone throw it all away to return to the misery that drove them broken to the beginning in the first place? The pride that came before the fail. A week after my celebration of that year clean and sober I witnessed another's fall. After three and a half years of climbing to freedom, he plunged back into the depths, and two weeks later we buried him. Oh, and I got mad. Mad at people, mad at God. It wasn't supposed to happen like that.

I quit working on my relationship with God. I quit trying to improve, no, I quit trying to even maintain any semblance of conscious contact with my Creator. Within a month I was white-knuckling it, as I had back in the beginning. The freedom from the obsession was gone. I didn't cry out to God for help. I didn't tell anyone that I was struggling and had lost what I had been given. I retreated. I kept how I was feeling and thinking to myself. God and I weren't talking. I couldn't keep doing the other work, like making amends, because I was too busy just trying to hold onto my sobriety. I quit working on, looking at, and, especially, asking God for help with my character defects, because I was too busy fighting a war against myself to do any of that stuff. I quit looking at what was going on inside and my part in what was messed up in my life, and I quit talking to anyone about it, because I knew that I was in danger, and I knew that I was wrong, and I was ashamed that I was one of those people who had it and threw it away, or lost it, or had it stolen, even though I hadn't picked back up yet. Yet being the key word there.

In case you didn't know this, Dear Reader, you can't surrender your will and life over to the care of a God that you refuse to talk to and are running from.....10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...and now 2 was fading fast. God returned me to sanity once, but could He do it again? And, if so, could He keep me in that place? I believed it less and less.....1...maybe the reason why I made it 15 months was because I wasn't really one of those people who can't do it...never mind that I had been white knuckling it and fighting the urge to go out for the last three of those months. Doesn't that actually prove the point? I resisted the obsession and compulsion to drink and drug for three months. I did that. On my own. Surely that meant I had some control. So, maybe after being clean for so long I can manage my drinking. And failure beyond epic proportions, I picked up that first drink once again.

Today I celebrate that too. Because that wasn't an early relapse. I couldn't excuse that one with I hadn't done the work yet. No. I was free. I went months without even thinking about going out. I helped others walk the road I had walked and take the steps I had taken. I had made it out of Egypt, through the Red Sea and to the Land of Promise. Then I went back. I was taken captive again. I needed that failure to see that not only is my relationship with God the stretcher that carries me to freedom, but that relationship is the only thing that keeps me there. Not only can I not free and fix myself, once I have been given freedom and a life worth living, I can't keep it on my own either.

I still get angry at God sometimes, and that's OK, if I take that anger to Him. Usually as I tell Him how I feel and why it doesn't take long before I realize just how far back into self I've slipped and that what's upsetting me is that I am not getting my way, the way that I want it and the when that I want it. So I can ask Him once more to forgive me and relieve me of the bondage of self, and I find myself at peace again before the obsession returns. I can become afraid, and that's OK too, as long as I run to my refuge found in relationship with Daddy rather than away from Him. Basically, I can feel, think, and experience all kinds of negative and detrimental things and situations, and as long as I let them drive me to Him rather than from Him, I'm OK. But even the good things won't help if I am turning away from His love and care for me to find what I need in something else besides relationship with Him.

Those are lessons that I learned from failure, failure that nearly killed me. And over seven years later, they still help me remember that I have nothing to be proud about, because I didn't do it. He did. What I did, when I tried to hold onto this thing on my own, was fail.

Sometimes we let shame make us avoid looking at, remembering or talking about our failure. We feel God is ashamed of us for blowing it, or we can only show His glory by talking about and letting people see the victories. But that's bogus. How many parents over the years have rejoiced over their baby's first steps? How many videos have been taken of that precious moment? That great accomplishment and wonderful moment we all cheer over is a moment of failure. Not once have I ever seen or heard of a baby standing up for the first time, taking one step and then going without ever taking a tumble after. Some do better than others. Some take one step, some may walk for half an hour, but all those babies wind up falling on their butt before it's over. Hey, I'm 46, and I slipped and fell just a couple of days ago. It happens. Landed right on my butt, and I swear the goats laughed.

My point is, it's true that it's progress rather than perfection and not progress of perfection. We're going to fall short in the whole relationship with God thing. If we run to Him when we slip into self, when we realize we're taking our will back, we may get back before much damage is done, before we get all the way back to Egypt. But even if we get to the point of eating out of the pig trough, like the Prodigal we've become, before we run back home to Daddy, He is there waiting for us with love and open arms In our weakness, He is shown to be strong. In our failures, His faithfulness and love are proven because it has to be all Him and not us. We have failed. He has not. Don't be ashamed of the failures of the past. They teach us that His love for us is not based on our performance or ability. They remind us that we never get strong enough or well enough to no longer need Him. There is no point where we get to say thanks, I can take it from here. And the hope that our story can give to the hopeless is not that we stopped crawling and started running, without ever a wobble or stumble, but rather that God picked us up after every fall.

And those who I have talked to who have had the miracle of expressing the desire to stay clean and sober for 24 hours and years later still have not relapsed, have all told me they fell and failed. Maybe they didn't pick up that drink or drug, but they have messed up, they have gotten back into self, they have fallen short, far short, of perfection. Relapse or not, we all fail, and these failures remind us of our need for God's grace and of His great love for us. We don't get to use that as an excuse to fail more, but we don't have to be ashamed or hide those failures. We can celebrate the victory that came out of them, the baby that grew to be a track star after all those times falling down, and we can place the glory where it belongs, on Daddy who always picked us up and then who held our hand to keep us from falling back down.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Daddy Loves You

Dalyn Woodard shares a different perspective on remembering what Jesus did for us and why and what it means about God the Father. The message, Daddy Loves You, is about 11 minutes long and was recorded at Nacogdoches Christian Fellowship on Sunday, May 28, 2017. It's our prayer that you are blessed and ministered to as you listen. May God bless and keep you.

Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments and or listens to the messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions to more people by sharing the Moments and messages that you read or listen to? Hitting the share button instead of or in addition to the like button will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.

If you would like to have notifications of new Unshackled Moments and messages sent to you via email, send an email to dalynwoodard@mail.com requesting to be added to the list. You can also follow Dalyn Woodard (@Dalynsmsings) on Twitter or Unshackled Life Ministries on Facebook.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Unshackled Echo ~ May 27, 2017 ~ Self Esteem

Today's Unshackled Echo was previously published on

July 10, 2013 as Self Esteem

This weeks message is entitled "Self Esteem" and is about and is about 47 minutes in length. All around us we see the message of the importance of self esteem, but what is a Godly perspective on the issue and what are we as believers to base our value on? Today's message answers those questions and shows how we are to treat others based on the understanding of our own value. I pray that this message blesses all who listen, and if you are blessed by what you hear, please share this message with others. God bless you.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 26, 2017 ~ Get Off The Gas

I spoke with a young man yesterday about his frustration with feeling helpless and powerless and anger with himself for placing himself in the situation. The worst part for him came from the shame of his reaction to those feelings. He had taken it out on someone who loves and cares about him and who is doing everything she can to help him. We talked about it for a while, and I tried to share some things that might help him. He seemed to be doing better by the time we were through, and I am grateful for that, but I know I need to make some note to add to what I told him at our next visit.

I know this, because despite my relationship with my Heavenly Daddy and practice walking the spiritual principles that have given me a life worth living, I found myself in almost his exact position this morning. Powerless, helpless, frustrated, angry, spinning my wheels and not interacting with patience, love, and compassion with and toward others. I was stuck, and the more I tried to get out of the hole, the worse it got.

Things beyond my control interfered with what I needed to do. Three hours after trying to get started, I still have at least an hour left, when, if things hadn't gone wrong, I should have been done an hour and a half or more ago. I managed to stay calm and mostly patient for the first hour or so, but each time I tried to return to the task at hand and had something distract me or stop me, the frustration became more and more difficult to hold back. Finally the dam broke, and the frustration flooded over me, and once that flow began I was helpless. I couldn't stop it. The more I tried, the more helpless I felt, that made me even more frustrated, because I knew I wasn't reacting as I should and as would help me get out of that place and do what needed to be done.

Then I grew angry at myself for getting frustrated, for not reacting in a good and helpful and loving way. It's a lot like panicking because you know that panic is the wrong response and will cause more harm than good but you can't stop. The more necessary it becomes to stop panicking right away, the more impossible it seems to do, and the more not being able to stop it causes the panic to increase. It's a vicious cycle, and frustration, anger and panic have a lot in common in that respect. The more we see the need to stop them, change them, to do and feel the opposite, the more they are fed and grow. And the more we try and fail, the worse we feel, the more shame and or self pity gets in the way and acts as a booster to what we are trying to stop.

What I forgot this morning as I fought and lost this battle with frustration and anger over my powerlessness and helplessness is what I failed to share with my friend. Wisdom, experience, determination and practice aren't enough. Sure, with those things, there will be times when we can see our thinking going out of whack, and we can change it. It's like being able to spot that muddy danger and avoiding it, or if we begin to get stuck, using momentum or direction changes to free us again. But there will also be times when we get stuck. When our thoughts and or emotions just aren't going to be controlled by us, and the more we fight and try, the worse it will get. All the positive and constructive thinking in the world won't change the course of our thinking or how we feel. We're spinning our tires, and pushing the accelerator to the floor isn't going to help. All we're going to do is dig ourselves deeper until the axle hits and things get really bad.

Something outside us has to free us. We need more traction. We need something placed under the tires, between us and the mud we're in, so that the wheels can grab hold and push us forward. Or we need something to drag us from the muck. What we need is not going to be found in us, at least not as a part of us.

Our thinking and our emotions can be our area of most basic and truest freedoms. We can think whatever we want, whenever we want, and no one can stop us. There are times when we are happy or angry and no one, no matter how much they want to control us and change what we're feeling, can make us feel any differently until we are ready to and want to change it. But they are also areas of our biggest bondage. The obsession of the mind and the drive to change the way we feel is what makes breaking addiction impossible to fight for long on our own. And that is because we can't help it. We can't stop it. We can't control it. We are powerless over self, which means and includes powerlessness over the way we feel and the runaway train of our messed up thinking. We can't fix our mind and heart with our mind and heart.

And when our thoughts and emotions are out of control, we can't stay in the will of Daddy, because we can not respond to Him and others the way we should, in and with love, when we can't control, stop or change the way we are reacting to what is going on around and within us. But God understands that. That is why before He ascended into heaven, Jesus told the disciples to wait before they began trying to do what He had just told them to do. Here is your calling; now wait. Wait for what? Power. Literally, what Jesus said is that they, that we, would be given the ability to do. That's the meaning of what we translate as power, the ability to do.

That's what we need that we don't have. The ability to do. The ability to do it differently than we were, than we used to, than we normally or instinctively would. The ability to change the way we feel or the way and direction we are thinking, without relying on manipulation and things that will sooner or later fall short, fail and cause damage, to do so. We can't always control our thoughts and emotions any more than we can always say no to those things that have held us captive or even always want to say no to them. But that same ability to break free from the chains of addiction and sin can also change the way we feel and redirect our thoughts.

The key is to stop fighting. Get off the gas so the tires stop spinning. We can't make ourselves less helpless and more in control by trying harder or becoming more determined to do what needs to be done. We can however cry out Daddy, help me! I'm stuck, and I can't do anything about it. I need Your ability to do.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 25, 2017 ~ Your Magnet May Vary

I got up early this morning. After waking from a bizarre dream, I struggled to return to sleep for a little while, then said forget it. I decided not to risk dream hangover two days in a row. Usually when I start having weird or horrible dreams before six AM and I go back to sleep, the dreams become worse, but that's also when I sleep the deepest, so I don't wake but endure whatever my subconscious mind decides to put me through. And my mind...well, let's just say it's not a very nice neighborhood to be in by myself most days, and to be trapped in it without control is not fun.

So I got a little less than four hours of sleep. I can function on that. I'm tired, and will likely remain so, but I can function. I know myself well enough to know that being able to function is a far cry from being at my best. I was a functioning alcoholic and addict for years, pretty much right up to the point they put the cuffs on my wrists. I can function fine, maybe even hide the severity of the lack of sleep from most, but I also know that the more tired I am, the grumpier I am, the more easily irritated, the quicker to anger. It is also a state when I more easily slip into self, blowing off what I need to do in exchange for the easy, comfortable and pleasurable allure of laziness. When I'm exhausted it's far more easy to sit and read, watch TV shows or the game(s) than to look at the list of what needs to be done and get to work. It's easy to slip into morbid and bitter reflection and what might have beens and wish it were sos.

I could go on, but I think I made the point that I am a little more vulnerable in this state. Most people are, which is why you hear things like HALT; avoid being hungry, angry, lonely and tired, especially during early recovery. Today I am not worried about drinking and drugging. I just realize that if I do not watch my spiritual compass, I can easily get off course, take my will back and fail to do what God desires for me today, or simply fail to love God and others like Jesus. When I am tired and run into people, they are far more likely to see a jerk than Jesus, if I get focused on myself rather than on God.

Now, I am not a big proponent of HALT as a means to stay clean and sober. In fact, I have ranted about it on more than one occasion. I have been very hungry, extremely angry, lost in loneliness and exhausted beyond ability to think straight, all at the same time, and stayed sober. And I have had a full belly, been happy as can be, in whatever state you would call not being lonely (told you I can function but not at peak performance levels, and that includes ability to write, unfortunately), and rested and relapsed during the early days on the road to recovery. Avoiding the states in HALT will not get you sober, nor keep you that way. That takes relationship with and surrender to God. And finding yourself in them doesn't necessarily mean you should be on red alert, or that you are seconds away from relapse, or that the obsession that has been lifted is about to return.

But that said, each of these states has one thing in common, they make it far easy to get lost in self and take our focus off of conscious awareness of the presence of Daddy and our relationship with Him. They make us vulnerable to self pity and selfishness. They make it easier to put what we are feeling and our instinctual reactions above our submission and obedience to the will of God. And that is a dangerous place to be. I'm not talking about relapse. If the obsession has already been removed, then it's unlikely that getting a little selfish for a day or a lot selfish for an hour or two will lead to relapse. The thought of a drink or a drug, or engaging in whatever your addiction or bondage is, at that point might actually help you realize where you're at, kind of like rumble strips on the side of the highway to alert drivers who begin to drift from the road. But we are called to love God and love others, to die to or get out of self and be of maximum service, to stay free of the bondage of self in order to demonstrate the love, power and way of life of the God we love and serve. We can't do that while slipping into self, not even for a short while. We get off course.

I'm not necessarily even talking about anything big. It's a lot like the difference between a good sense of direction or general idea of where things, including you, are, a magnetic compass and a gyrocompass. There are places in South Nacogdoches County that I can't get lost in. Not because I know every back road in the area, but because I know if I keep taking roads and turns that head west, I will eventually hit Hwy 59. I may twist, turn and take a long time, but I can find my way out. I may have little to no idea of where on 59 I'll turn up and have to take new bearings when I hit the highway, but I can get there, eventually.

If I am hiking in the woods and trying to get back to where I parked or camped, a magnetic compass is far more efficient and safe than my general sense of I need to go that way. Even being a few degrees off course, over a distance can lead us far from where we need to be, especially when trying to reach a spot rather than a line that runs for hundreds of miles. But if you need to be precise, and or are going to be going a long way without landmarks, like for instance an ocean voyage, a gyrocompass is the safest and best bet.

The problem with a magnetic compass is it is effected by things around it. If there is something nearby that has a magnetic charge, the needle can be effected and the compass will read wrong. If you are not aware of the problem, your trusty compass will lead you astray. But a gyrocompass is not effected by outward forces other than the one thing it uses for direction. It is sensitive only to the earth's rotation on its axis and deducts true north from that. You can go thousands of miles and stay on course.

Running on our own strength is like using our sense of direction. We might can go in the general direction of kind and helpful, getting twisted around and sidetracked, and eventually exit the day having been half way decent or more good than not. Or we could get lost in self and waste a day being a jerk who has wreckage to clean up and amends to make upon review of the evening. Remembering what we've learned and the spiritual principles that led to life, is like using a magnetic compass. Most days that'll get you where you need to go, but beware those things that will pull the needle of your soul off Him and towards self. The spiritual lessons of yesterday can be effected by the stresses, externals and pull of self today. Being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or maybe even something else, like sick or in pain or...your magnet may vary can effect our compass if we're running on the compass of spiritual knowledge, what we know and have learned. Not that knowledge is bad. Like I said before, most days that will get you where you need to go, but when you can't think straight, mental understanding is compromised and unreliable.

But when we use our spiritual gyrocompass, concentrating on our spiritual relationship today, letting a heart that loves God and surrenders to Him now, at this moment, no matter how we feel or what's going on, keep us under the direction of the Spirit that guides us in life and in truth, instead of a mind-based spirituality, we can stay on course no matter how crazy our thoughts may get, no matter how unable to think straight we may become, and no matter how hard the day gets because of our circumstances. Our hearts are fixed on Him and our place in the rotation of everything with Him as the center, and our course stays true. We should be using that spiritual gyrocompass every day, but we can be honest about times of smooth sailing when we just kind of glance up at the North Star and go. That's OK. But when storms come or our minds become effected by whatever our magnets are, then we need to get serious about the source of our direction and reactions for the day, for the minute. Being off a degree or two may not lead us to the bar or the dope house or wherever your area of bondage is, right away, but it will make us miss that small spot of loving like Jesus pretty quickly. And, if we don't get our course corrected, as time and distance from where we began to get off course increases, even a half degree will take us far from the true north of relationship with Him, and we will end up in old or new dungeons of darkness.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 24, 2017 ~ Not One Of The Crowd

There is a story in the Bible about a woman who was healed by touching the hem of the garment of Jesus. Perhaps you are familiar with it. If not, you can read it in Matthew 9:20-22;, Mark 5:25-34, or Luke 8:43-48, but here are the cliff notes. The woman had a bleeding problem for years that made her ceremonially unclean in Jewish society. That means she was cut off from community. She was not allowed to go into the temple. She was banished from touching or being touched. She was ostracized.

Along came Jesus, surrounded by a crowd. Something within the woman told her the answer to her need was Jesus. If she could just get close to Him, if she could reach out and touch Him, she'd be healed. So, that's what she did. She pushed and forced her way through the crowd and reached out for Jesus, refusing to be stopped by the people who stood between them.

But I think we, in the day and age we live in, lose sight of part of what happened here. We get the crowd aspect to an extent. The gathering was so packed and full that when Jesus asked who touched Him, the disciples were like, Are you kidding? Everyone is pushing and jostling us and each other and there are so many people we can't turn around without bumping into someone, and You are seriously asking who touched you? It must've been somewhat like attempting to identify which rain drop got you wet in a particular spot or moment.

So, yes, it was a major accomplishment to push through such a crowd and get to Jesus. But it's also much more than that. First, she didn't start from the middle of the gathering or as part of the throng This wasn't like having a fourth row spot at a concert and pushing your way to the stage. It was more like walking into the building during the encore song and pushing from the far end of the crowd all the way to the stage, past security (the disciples), and onto the stage to touch the star. She was not a part of the crowd. She wasn't allowed to be. She started this journey from the outside, and her time was short, because Jesus wasn't standing there preaching. He was passing by.

But here is the main thing we miss. Those religious folks in that crowd didn't want her there. If they noticed her pushing past them, they would curse her, hurt her, grab her and rebuke her for daring to rub shoulders with them. She knew her place, and in the midst of their crowd was most certainly not it. They were clean. She was not. She shouldn't be there at all, much less trying to push her way into and through their very midst. If they cast her back out, what would she do then? Still, with the desperation of the drowning, she sought Jesus.

Maybe, if you are like me, you can identify with her a little more now. Something within us is broken, and we are in need. Our soul cried out that we need Jesus, but when we look for Him, it seems He is surrounded by people who don't, won't, perhaps can't, accept our presence, much less us. We've been in the gutter. We are nasty and dirty and unclean. We know the disease of self and the stain of sin has made us unworthy to be in the presence of good people. We don't belong there with them. And those are our feelings and thoughts that keep us outside the crowd around Jesus.

We haven't begun to address the crowd. Those religious folks who just know they are clean and better than us. The people who judge us and condemn us for not healing ourselves, for not just grabbing our boot straps and pulling ourselves up and fixing ourselves. Those people who look at us like we're abominations that shouldn't be breathing the same air as them and who begin to look at each other with whispering eyes the moment we draw near.

Those kind of doubts and fears, those kinds of people and attitudes, and worse, are what that woman pressed through that day. And the coolest thing to me is that out of all those people, she was the only one who got healed, the only one who received a special touch from Jesus. Who knows how many people got to say later that they touched Him in the crowd? I have no idea, but only one went on from there to be able to say she were touched by Him.

If she had kept her place, if she had allowed the people who stood and gathered between her and Jesus to keep her from drawing near, if she had tried to wait until she could figure out how to make herself clean enough to approach Jesus, she would never have been healed and never made clean. We can't fix ourselves. We can't make ourselves clean or whole. We need Him to do it. And like the woman who bled, we need to dare to pursue Jesus, pushing past our doubts and fears and insecurities and awareness of our uncleanness and unworthiness, and refusing to let the religious and the self-righteous be a barricade between us and Him. It's not about who we are, or who we've been, or about what the so-called good people think about us, or how they react to our presence and treat us. It's about reaching Jesus. It's about being the one He responds to and touches because He touches those who understand they need Him, who see their own need, and He gets close to those who are desperate for Him. Those others? The ones who mistakenly think they are good, or good enough? The ones who think they are OK. Those folks are the ones He is passing by.

Today, let us not stand on the outside wishing to be made whole but allowing our need to become the reason we can't go into the presence of the Lord. And let us not ever be one of the crowd who fails to see their own uncleanness and need. But let us be the ones who push through every obstacle, within and without, to get to Jesus. Let us be the ones desperate for Him. Because when we are, He will stop and take the time to touch us, to single us out as special to Him and to make us clean and whole.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 23, 2017 ~ Gratitude Bombs

Last Wednesday, I celebrated seven years of recovery, and this weekend I will take part in a group gathering where I will receive a token to remind me over the next year what God has done and continues to do. So, of course, what He has done and my gratitude has been on my mind a lot lately. It imagine that's normal. I think we all have times, if we have a relationship with God, where we feel immense gratitude for all He's done for us.

When we see the price that was paid so that we can have relationship with our Creator, when we understand the amazing love that made a way and washed us clean, forgave us when we didn't deserve it, set us free and gave us a life worth living, the natural response is to be overwhelmed with gratitude. And this, I think, is where it becomes possibly dangerous. Dangerous? Yes, because it's this very gratitude, which is natural and which we should indeed have, that can get us off course if we aren't careful. Because the natural next step after gratitude is to have a desire to please.

Huh? Allow me to demonstrate what I mean. I love my wife, and I am very grateful that she loves me. That makes me want to make her happy. So, I try to do things that bring her joy and comfort and not do things that would hurt her or make her sad. Love and gratitude. For example, when I finish writing this and doing my morning readings and prayer and meditation, I will make our bed. Why? Because it makes her happy to come home to a bed that's made. I don't know why. It doesn't matter. I know it makes her happy, and that's enough to motivate me to do it. But what I don't do is make the bed to pay her back for the love she gives me and all the things she does for me, nor do I do it to try to be deserving of her love.

We feel gratitude and then feel that desire to please God, to make Him happy, and even if we haven't heard the verse, innately we seem to understand that obedience is better than sacrifice. We know that if we want to make God happy we should serve Him, obey Him, and do what's right. And that is true, but what makes God even happier is for us to seek Him and desire relationship and closeness to Him above all other things. If we love Him, then, like I am with Leah, we will want to do those things that bring us closer and please Him and to not do those things that cause distance between us, make Him sad and break His heart. But we also need to remember that gratitude is not the right motive for obedience. Love is. Now love, flavored with gratitude is fine, essential and right. And I doubt that we can love without a measure of gratitude, but just straight gratitude is not the motivation that will take us where we need to go.

This may seem strange. Can you even separate gratitude from love? And isn't gratitude one of the most important attitudes of the heart? Yes. We should have a thankful heart. We enter His gates, we approach the awareness of His presence, with thanksgiving. Gratitude is essential. As I said, I don't think we can love God without also being grateful to Him and for what He's done. But, unfortunately, I do think that we can be grateful without loving.

Imagine a man walking down the street. He comes to an intersection and begins to cross. Someone grabs him, and pulls him back a split second before he is creamed by a car he didn't see coming. He is grateful, very grateful. He may sing the person's praises for the rest of his life. But he also may never love the person who saved him. He may love what the person did, thank you very much, that's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me, but that's as far as it goes. Gratitude alone as motivation puts us in a position of debt.

Debt? Yes. It leads to things like this: Wow! God has done so much for me, I should do so much for Him in return, I owe God everything I am and all that I have. Which, of course, sometimes also leads to I haven't done all that I should.

But we can't pay God back for what He's done. If we were capable of paying that price, it wouldn't have been paid on our behalf in the first place. The entire point of grace is that God has done, is doing, and will continue to do for us what we could not, can not and never will be able to do for ourselves.

It's also an insult to God. Insult? Absolutely. Another hypothetical. Imagine, if you will, that you want to express love for someone, a family member or a friend, so you take them out to a dinner and provide an amazing meal for them. Then, instead of saying thank you. I am grateful that you care about our relationship so much that you would do this for me and give this to me, they look upset or anxious. When you ask them why, you realize that instead of enjoying the time with you and the gift you are giving they are busy trying to figure out what they need to do and what they need to cut back on for a while so that they can come up with the money to pay you back, to do something of equal value in return for what you've done. Doesn't that mar the moment? Take away from the gift? They've turned your expression of love into a trade, a business transaction.

Oh, let's not do that! Let us make sure that our gratitude is a seasoning to our love and not a meal on its own, because if we don't accept His love and grace as a gift that doesn't need to be repaid but only accepted, then we nullify grace. If we nullify grace, we are no longer walking in His power to serve and obey, but instead put the pressure on ourselves to perform to please and pay God back. And suddenly we are under all this weight to do the impossible, and when we fail, and we will fail, we pour upon ourselves the full weight of shame and condemnation that God desires, out of love, to spare us. Gratitude alone, can cause us to want to please, so we try to obey, which we have no chance of doing on our own, so gratitude alone can lead us straight to disobedience. But when gratitude turns our heart to love, and love is our motivation, then, with a grateful and thankful heart, we can receive the gifts and grace the He gives, and rely on Him to keep giving us what we need. That, relying on His love, His strength, to give us the power to walk with Him and to overcome the bondage of self, is the only thing that makes obedience possible.

It may seem nitpicking semantics, but it is the difference between life and death. Love. Love with gratitude, is different than gratitude alone. It's not nitpicking. Hydrogen and oxygen together produce water and bring the possibility for life. But only give either of them without the other, and it is only a matter of time before we die of thirst. Gratitude alone is not bad, but we do need to be careful where it takes us. Like hydrogen, it can be helpful and part of molecules that give life, or it can become the basis of a bomb with powerful destructive force. Let's make gratitude molecules with love rather than gratitude bombs.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 22, 2017 ~ Rise And Shine

Rise and shine and give God your glory! It's Monday again, Bring it on! Oh wait, I've got an idea. Let's loaf all day #kittyloafmonday. Today will never come again, so be a blessing, be a friend, encourage someone, take time to care, and let your words heal and not wound. What you do today will contribute to what will happen tomorrow, and you can not look back if you want to move forward. The three most important words you can say to yourself: yes, I can. The opinions of others should never affect the decisions you make. It's your life, do whatever makes you happy!

I could go on. These are some of the quips and slogans that I saw this morning on social media as I listened to some instrumental music and wondered what I would be writing about today. I don't plan ahead very often or very well. Some days I have a topic pop into mind in that stage I call bedatory, the time after waking but before I can drag my body out of bed. Sometimes I have a rough outline. Sometimes though, like today, I got nothing. You see I rarely do the up and at 'em thing, and I never considered myself a rise and shine kind of guy. I'm more of a force myself to push up through the covers like a zombie rising from the dead, move slowly to the kitchen, pour a pot of coffee, pray and hope for the best kind of guy.

I don't do mornings. I am not a morning person. I don't think as well in the AM hours. I am a natural born night owl. Just ask my mother. I've told myself and others this so many times, that I honestly believe it. I could pass a lie detector test saying nope, I don't function well before noon. Statements about my brain barely working before sunset would likely have passed any evening review of my level of rigorous honesty for the day, at least until today.

I don't think it's entirely true anymore, that I can't function well in the morning or that I don't rise and shine. It struck me, that I rise and write five days a week, and have been for quite a while. I'm not Paul, and none of what I'm penning is going to be in the Holy Scriptures V2, nor am I a Phillip Yancey or a Max Lucado or a Martha Bolton, although I will try to follow the latter's advice and not jump to conclusions without a bungee cord. I do though write almost every day, and more days than not, I am encouraged by the response and the indication that the Unshackled Moment has helped and or encouraged and blessed a few people.

I'm not saying that things have changed without my seeing it or realizing it and now I am all woo hoo it's morning! I want to get up and go! I love the morning!. No. Not at all. When I first felt the call to put out an Unshackled Moment in the mornings, my instinctual response was to write it the evening or night before. I still believe I think better at night, and if left to my own devices and rhythms and without a desire to sync my schedule with Leah's and the need to rise and go through the day as a somewhat normal person, it would not take much time before I began going to bed around four or five in the morning again and not rising until eleven or noon. I really do feel I begin to come alive and am more creative as the sun goes down. So I would prefer to write in the evenings and just slowly wake in the morning and not have to try to think.

God said no. I didn't know why. I know it's not about making things difficult or causing me to suffer just for the heck of it, but sometimes it seems so pointless to have to wait until the morning I am going to post a writing to write it. I finally told myself that it was so that the Holy Spirit could put on my heart what is needed for that moment and morning. But that's a little bogus if you think about it. The Holy Spirit can give me what is needed for someone next Tuesday as I sit here today. For all I know, that is what is happening. God is not hindered by time. I went with that idea though, because it worked better for me than don't ask why; just obey and don't whine. I didn't want to have to write in the mornings. I didn't think it would even be possible for me to faithfully function on that schedule.

Today it occurred to me that is exactly why God set it up this way. God calls us to do something, and it seems impossible, until we look behind us and realize that it's done or being done. Wait. When did that happen? How is it that I have done this or that or the other? I was afraid I wouldn't make it a week, and here it is several years later, and I'm doing it. Everyone thought I would fail, but I've thrived. Or however you ask yourself how it is you're standing closer to the opposite shore than the one behind you and the waters are still parted and the sea bed is still dry. Your life and service to God are flipping miracles, and it happened so slowly and undramatically that you didn't realize it.

We're like parents who know their child is growing but don't really see how much and how fast without looking at the clothing bill or going to visit grandparents who haven't seen the child in months and hear them exclaim their surprise at the huge change and growth they see. I agree with a lot of the inspiration and motivation found in the first paragraph, in a certain spirit and context. But although we can't get stuck in the past, and we must press on toward the goal, live in the present and the now and all that, if we never look behind us, we'll never be surprised at how far God has brought us.

And if those three important words are followed by five more words, by the grace of God, then yes, I can is what we should say when facing Monday, or any other day. But without that other phrase, it's no, I can't. I can't do this without His help. I can't walk with Him. I can't love Him and others as I should, as Jesus does. I can't obey. I can't want to obey. I can't stay sober. I can't get up in the morning and spend the first few hours of my morning praying and writing and somewhat doing the awake and functioning and creative thing. I can't. He can. And then, He gets the glory.

I do rise and shine most days. But not like the sun. Like the moon. I am not a morning person. So if I shine in the morning and what comes from the keys of this keyboard shines a light in the darkness, it's not my light. I have no light of my own, especially in the morning. But I can, by grace, reflect His light. And so can you. That's why God called me to do something so out of the ordinary for me, so contrary to my nature. That's why He calls you to do what feels so daunting. It's not that He's trying to overwhelm you, frighten you or set you up for failure when He tells you to love that annoying person who makes you want to scream, or be patient at Wal-Mart or bring down the walls of your own private Jericho. It's that He wants, when you look back and see the rubble of those walls, you to know only He could've done that.

Are you facing the impossible? Does it all seem just too much? Good. Because that is where you need to be to see the power of God faithfully poured out on your behalf. It's in the revelation of the miraculous that others see the demonstration, the reflection, of the power and love of God. It's all about Him, He gets the glory when we do and go through what we could never do and go through on our own. Be a full moon shining bright even in the morning light. The miracles never happen in our comfort zone. Fear not. He is here with you and with me, and He has a way and a purpose to get us both through this day in a such a way that is amazing. But we must surrender to His will and His plan, remember that we only can with His help and position ourselves in that place of transformation and power that comes from, well, yes, just trusting and obeying.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Unshackled Echo ~ May 20, 2017 ~ Doubt

Today's Unshackled Echo was previously published on

July 8, 2013 as Doubt

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I'm never alone

- Never Alone by Barlow Girl

We see through a glass darkly. Sometimes we feel God's tug on our hearts and lives and respond only to encounter soon after a dryness where we can no longer feel much of God in anything or we fall short and question our calling. Sometimes we face a crisis as it feels our life is being blown apart and God is not doing things the way that we want, hope or pray for. That relationship we were praying for healing and restoration in remains strained or completely falls apart despite all our efforts and prayer. That loved one we prayed for remained sick or died. The job we prayed for didn't happen or while trusting God to meet our needs we got laid off and felt the needs pressing in even greater than before. The peace we pursued continued to feel more elusive than grabbing a rainbow. Doubt can, at least temporarily, pin faith to the mat of our inner struggle.

And then with our faith looking weak we begin to be beaten up by condemnation. Our problems are all because we doubted. If we loved God the way we should, we'd never have even a moment of doubt of God's love, care and provision for us. If we had strong enough faith we'd never experience a single setback or disappointment. Bogus statements one and all.

Jesus said we'd face hardships and setbacks. While there is no indication that doubt ever entered into His being and no one could have ever had stronger faith than Jesus, Christ still went from a triumph entry into Jerusalem with everyone shouting His praise to alone in a garden, sweating drops of blood in agony and fear, about to be betrayed and forsaken by those closest to Him facing a horrible and painful death separated from the presence of the Father for the first time ever in less than a week. Never doubting doesn't mean we won't face things that make us feel like God isn't there or that we won't like or understand. And moments of doubt and questions don't mean that we don't believe or that we have failed God.

David was called a man after God's own heart. And yet, many of His psalms have questions about when would God finally step in and help Him. When would God make things right? God didn't strike David down or forsake Him for his doubts and questions but instead showed him that no matter what it may feel like, no matter what it may look like, despite what the world says and our senses tell us, He is there, we are not forsaken, God does love us and care for us and we are indeed safe in His care.

Until we see Him and know Him without any barriers there will be struggles with understanding and with doubt. And that doesn't mean that even as we question, God isn't calling us to serve despite everything. That's why Jesus said we needed faith the size of tiny mustard seed and not a mountain. That's why faith is stepping out when we don't see how God can do things because everything around us says it can't happen. If all our senses said God was there and it was all going to be OK and everything is fine, it wouldn't be faith, it would be trust in our senses and experience. When the disciples gathered before the risen Lord in Matthew 28 verses 16 & 17 tell us, When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted. Even in worship, even at the foot of the risen Savior, even as the calling is being given, even surrounded by believers, we might doubt. But a believer is not someone who never doubts. A believer is someone who pursues relationship with God and determines to believe that what God says is true even when doubt and emotions and situations say it isn't. A believer is one who cries Son of David have mercy on me!, even as the voices in our head and around us say shut up, doesn't everything happening show you that He has more important things to do, that He doesn't care about you? Yet we cry all the louder.

Doubt makes the act of continuing in faith all the more powerful, just as fear is what makes acts of courage great. If there were not great fear to overcome then it would not seem courageous to do what needs to be done in spite of that fear. And if there were no reason to question or doubt then stepping out in faith would not give much glory to the One who is faithful when He does what He has promised to do, love and care for us. Don't allow doubt to be a doorway for condemnation. We can pray the prayer of the father with the ill child, Lord, I believe, but help me with my unbelief. Don't beat yourself up over doubt, but determine to stay fixed on Christ regardless, so that when the winds of doubt blow we soar like a kite because we're attached and not scattered as though we have no anchor. Let us use our doubts and questions to bring glory to the One who answers them when we continue to follow after Him, regardless of the doubt rather than have them be a weapon that the enemy can use to separate us from our Father.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 19, 2017 ~ A New Identity

Our identity is important. It effects our feelings of worth and our ability to serve and love. Because of this, it is critical to remember where our identity comes from, what, or, better yet, Who defines us and tells us who and what we are. I grew up in a loving Christian home where I heard about and saw belief in a God who loves us. I learned to read sitting in my daddy's lap following his finger under the words of a book that told me Jesus is my friend.

But somehow, my heart received a different lesson. I heard that Jesus loves me, but I also heard that God loves what's good and right and perfect. Even at five years of age I had a clear understanding that I wasn't those things all the time, or very often, and when looking at the last thing or listening to the voices in my heard I felt I was never those things. When I was good or praised for being good, I felt like it was a lie, because I felt like I was pretending. But when I did something bad or wrong, I felt that was me really being me.

I believed in a God sitting in heaven looking down at me and constantly being disappointed and frustrated that I couldn't and wouldn't get my act together and be good, do what's right, learn to be perfect. Parents are God, or at least the reflection of God, in the eyes of little children. My Dad was perfect and could fix anything. My mother was the most wonderful and beautiful woman in the world. And, while they were very caring and loving, there were times, because I was not and am not perfect, where I needed to be disciplined. The thing is though, the worst part of the discipline was not being sent to my room or spanked. It was always that sad look of disappointment. Why? Why did you do that? Why did you act that way? Why did you disobey? You know what's right. so why did you choose to do wrong? You're smarter than that. But I wasn't smarter than that. I had already proved that I was not smart enough to control myself and make myself desire or able to do what was right all the time.

When I saw that look in their eyes, that sad look, I imagined it a hundred times more disappointed in the eyes of God. Then I imagined a look of frustration and disgust in the eyes of God. By the time I was 10, I bought the lie that God hated me. Why wouldn't He? I did. The people in the church who were supposed to be the body and expression of Jesus toward me sure seemed to. And, if they didn't hate me, they, at the least, were quick to let me know how much and often I fell short of being the good example and the reflection of my preacher daddy. Never mind my Heavenly Daddy. I couldn't live up to the image of my earthly father, who by that time I realized wasn't perfect, how could I even dream of living up to the example and person of Jesus?

I was the bad boy. The wrong boy. The disappointment and the let down. The bad example. Finally, I quit trying to be different and embraced that identity. Oh, I still tried to mask it and hide it from the church and my parents so that I wouldn't get in trouble as much or so my life would be easier and they would stay off my back, but in my heart was a defiant and resigned cry of I'll show you bad, Be good, and if you can't be good, then be good at being bad. This was the mantra I lived my life by before I even hit my teens.

This was a life full of fear and shame. Where was my focus? It was all about me. What I thought, felt, did, and how I saw others treating and responding to me. I saw God's love, or lack of it, as a reflection of the opinions of others and completely based upon my performance. Though I never heard that preached by my daddy, I knew it all hinged on what we did, if we were good. Whatsoever things are lovely, pure, true and of a good report, that's what we were supposed to think on, and that's what I never seemed to think about at all. I knew I couldn't measure up, and I knew the horrible opinions people had of me would be even worse if they knew the truth of just how bad, wrong and messed up my thinking, feelings and secret actions were.

I lived in constant fear. Fear of exposure. Fear of judgement. Fear that I deserved the bad things in my life and the pain because I was like the bad children of Israel who saw what God could do and knew He had chosen them but still chose to be bad. Fear that I was right about what I saw in the eyes of the people at church, and worse, fear that they were right.

Yoda was right that fear leads to hate, but he skipped a step. First, fear leads to shame. Shame leads to doubt. We doubt God's love. We doubt the power of grace. We finally doubt the gospel and the chance of having a relationship with Jesus. Then comes the hate,

But my focus was on self and on people. My identity was wrapped up in performance, specifically my performance. It is all about performance. But it's not our performance that is the issue. It is the performance of Jesus. It's all about what He did. When we look at our performance we have an innate understanding that we deserve judgment. It's scary. But over and over, even in the Old Testament, God's fist message when He draws near is to say fear not. Do not be afraid. I am with you. I am loving you. I will be your refuge and strength.

God loves me, and He loves you. He knows you can't be perfect. That is why He came and died in our place and made the great exchange of the perfectness of Jesus in place of the mess of our lives, hears, thoughts, motives, everything. When we look to the performance of Jesus and who God says we are as the source of our identity and value, everything changes. There is none good but God, so I guess it's true that I am not good, but God is. He gives us the power to become His children instead of His enemies. He is well pleased in Jesus, and because of Jesus I am forgiven of my failure. He makes us new and changes our nature, which means it isn't my job to do the impossible. He gives us the desire to do right and the power to obey and serve and love as Jesus loved. That's called grace.

The good news of the gospel is that God loves us and no longer looks at our performance. We don't have to be afraid. We don't have to be ashamed. We can walk with Daddy because Daddy loves us as we are and not as we should be, but He loves us enough not to leave us as we are. Our identity is not in what we do or what we've done, but in who Jesus is and what He has done on our behalf and in us and through us.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 18, 2017 ~ Show Me How To Live

About an hour ago I got on my Twitter to share last night's sermon, Joy In Struggle, and inadvertently saw the news that Chris Cornell died last night. It saddened me and distracted me. I finished my morning reading and tried to think about a message for today's Unshackled Moment, but my mind kept returning to the loss of one of the greatest vocalists of rock music. I am a minister, and these Moments are for ministry and for the glory of God. I felt a bit like I was falling short of what I should be doing, because instead of finding inspiration to help encourage people to find freedom through relationship with our Creator, my mental jukebox was stuck playing Cornell's songs, which of course led to searching for them and actually listening to several of my favorites.

When Be Yourself popped into the forefront of my mind, I pulled it up on You Tube and gave it a listen. I am thankful for that reminder. God uses different things to speak to and teach different people. My mom may not ever learn anything from Cornell and probably hasn't heard his music. I on the other hand have been greatly effected by so many of his songs. For years I was a chameleon, who changed and blended with my surroundings. In recovery, as I began to try, by grace, live a life of rigorous honesty, I learned at nearly 40 years of age that it's OK not to pretend and that it's important to just be who God made me to be. Be Yourself reminded and encouraged me to be more transparent and true to who I was and what I was going through. And remembering that this morning helped me to get past my writer's block.

Not every moment is some deep spiritual experience or lesson. Sometimes what is on my mind and heart doesn't have a scripture reference. That's part of who I am, and that's OK. All I can do is be myself and be transparent. I don't have to pretend to be thinking of only deep spiritual things. No, my mind is on the many songs that touched my life and the awareness that there will be no new ones from Cornell.

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking of my recovery. That's because yesterday was my sobriety birthday, seven years clean and sober. I'm grateful for it. It feels ironic to me that Cornell died last night, because he was a huge part of my recovery. He helped me pray. at a crucial time when I couldn't.

That may sound odd. Cornell's music is not Christian, and I do not know what he believed. But no matter what is intended by the artist, we filter what we see and hear and experience through our own hearts and our own beliefs. It colors and changes what art means to us personally. I have been open about how my recovery fell apart in 2010 after 15 months. Really it began to fall apart at just over a year. It just took a while for me to actually pick up and use.

For those who haven't heard it before, I got mad at God. I became hurt and so angry after someone close to me went back out after three and a half years clean. We buried him two weeks later. He didn't have another recovery after relapse. His family was evil towards him in the name of Christ, and this felt like another blow on top of the tragic loss. I blamed God, and I hardened my heart toward Him because of the anger and hurt caused by people who were misrepresenting Him. As my relationship with God faltered, my recovery failed, and I relapsed.

When I returned, the chance I got that Andrew didn't, I knew that I had to stop blaming God for the actions of people. I knew that my key to a life worth living was in relationship with Him, and I knew that He loved me. What I didn't know was how to get past the hurt, how to let go of the anger. I couldn't bring myself to talk to God, to pray and meditate and do those things that would bring conscious contact with Him. But I knew I needed to.

The prayer I found I could pray went along these lines. Lord, I know you love me, and I need you, but I can't get past this. I don't want to die; help me. Nothing happened. I felt no different. Shortly after that though, I put on some music and heard Cornell's voice belting out Show Me How To Live. I don't know what was in his heart and mind when he sang that. But for me it became a way to express my anger and yet still cry out for help and relationship. You gave me life. Now show me how to live. I played that song over and over. It truly was a prayer for me, and God answered it.

I got honest with myself and God. Maybe it wasn't right to be angry at God and to blame Him for the choices of people, including Andrew's choices and my own as much as the ones of his parents, but it was honestly where I was emotionally. I couldn't let it go and get past it while trying to pretend it away. Instead of acknowledging and dealing with the anger that put a wall between my Heavenly Daddy, and me, I had been trying to push the feelings down and aside. How could I go to God for help, how could I rebuild that essential relationship if I was yelling at Him? I had to act like I wasn't mad so that I could get close, right? Wrong. That's not truth, and God knew how I felt. He's a big God, and He can handle our misplaced anger and our temper tantrums.

I spent a little time screaming at God. Then, when I was worn out and exhausted from the fit, He wrapped me in His arms and let me feel His love, His compassion for my pain, and His forgiveness and acceptance. That's when I was able to get past my emotions and my stupid blame game, and say I'm sorry Lord. I know it wasn't right to blame You because of the pain I feel from exercising my will over Yours and from other people doing that too. I began to heal. Relationship became restored, and seven years later not only am I still clean and sober, I am more convinced than ever of Daddy's amazing love for me and for you. He has shown me how to live and given me a life worth living. And he used that song to get me to the place where I could express the pain of my heart and my anger so that He could take it away from me.

God used a donkey to speak to a prophet in the Old Testament. He uses ministers and spiritual things to talk to us, but He also uses the secular and the natural, because it's all His creation, and there is no real separation from our spiritual and secular lives. The truth is that they are intertwined. We don't have our morning or evening spiritual time, or our church time, and then go on to our work or play or whatever without our spirit effecting the rest of our life or without the rest of our life effecting the spirit, no mater how much we may want to divorce the two at times. This was a precious and critical time for me when God used the secular to draw me closer to Himself. I am so grateful for it, and I am grateful for the music of Chris Cornell. My prayers go out for his family and friends, and my prayers of thanksgiving go out for the impact his music had on my life, including other songs and other times than what I shared here this morning.

ULM