"When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself."
~ 0Lewis B. Smedes in his book, Forgive and Forget
Forgiveness. It's easy to say. Hard to do, especially when it really matters. When we need forgiveness we seem to instinctively know that it is a choice. "Please, just forgive me!" But when we've been truly and deeply wronged, the word itself feels profane.
For the victim the idea of forced forgiveness can victimize them all over again. The idea of forgiving abuse, neglect and violation that killed a part of us inside just feels wrong. It goes against every natural emotional response we have as human beings. The area of forgiveness is one of the easiest places to see the truth behind the verse that says God's ways are not our ways.
But forgiveness is one of the most necessary ingredients for spiritual health. Without God's forgiveness none of us could ever have relationship with Him or walk a life free from the wreckage of the past. And it may seem obvious but without relationship with our Creator and freedom from our past, regardless of how that past compares to others, you can not be spiritually healthy. And our forgiveness of others is also a very necessary ingredient.
Colossians 3:13 says "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do." (NKJV) Quite simply, forgiveness is a command. We are told to do it. Why? Why is the F word so important that God in the post law grace filled era would command us to do it? The next verse in Colossians goes on to say above everything else love. And the next verse says to let the God of peace rule our hearts.
Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God with everything we are and the next greatest is to love others. He told the disciples that He had a new commandment, one harder than the Old Testiment commands if we try to do it on our own power, love one another even as He loved us, But the order to love comes with help from the Holy Spirit who will love with us and for us when we surrender our lives and will to God. It is not us that does what is right, even reacting to the unloving acts of others with love, but Christ in me and in you that responds in a Godly way. It also comes with a promise that to love fills us with joy.
But seeing that we are commanded to forgive doesn't make it easy or explain why God would tell us to do something that is obviously near impossible for us most times. There are several reasons. As the paragraph above shows, as believers we are to love. That's what Christianity is supposed to be about, loving like Christ loved. You can't love someone you can't forgive. You can't serve with gladness and lay down your life for someone who owes you a debt without first forgiving the debt. Also, you can't have the peace of God ruling your heart if you are still stirring the pot of resentment. Anger can produce a lot of things in our lives, but peace is not one of them.
And perhaps the most important reason is actually because we can't do it. The Aramic word for forgive means to "untie." The easiest and quickest way to rid ourselves of hurt and negative results caused by someone else is to no longer be tied to that person. Why should I give someone who hurt me a quarter of a century ago the power to control how I feel today? Forgiveness cuts the strings that bind me to that negative situation. But knowing that doesn't make it easy to forgive the unforgiveable. And that's why it is so important that we choose to forgive.
Forgiveness, like all acts of obedience, is a choice. When we have surrendered our lives to His and choose to obey His will over our own we can have faith that His grace is sufficient to give us the power to do what we, on our own, can not do. Forgiveness of others heals us, gets the pain and poison out of my life, But we can't do it. Victory over our unforgiveness, the ability to forgive what humanly is impossible to forgive, testifies of God's love and power,
:"Wow," someone says. "I how did you forgive the drunk driver who killed your child?" Or, "How did you forgive that person who abused you for years?" "How did you forgive your rapist?" Or insert your own hell here. And the answer might be something like this, "Oh I never could before I found the freedom that comes in relationship with God and in surrender to His will. He made it clear that it is His will I forgive, so I made a choice to obey, and when I couldn't do it, I asked Him to make it possible. I accepted His forgiveness for myself and for this other person." He gave me the ability to do what I could not do, and I've never been so happy and free as when I finally forgave my....."
Forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness of those big hurts and violations, the ones causing us the most damage, is impossible for us, but with God, all things are possible. Forgiveness is rarely a one time decision. We give our will to God, and then we take it back. We surrender, and then we refuse to. We make the choice to obey and forgive, and then we remember the pain and demand what is owed us. When it comes back, we must surrender again, obey again, forgive again. Lather, rinse, repeat until it stops coming up.
Forgiveness does not say that what happened was right or OK. Forgiveness said that you were owed a debt and you are releasing the debtor from what is owed. You are not releasing them because the debt was illegitimate. The debt is valid. The sin was great. The damage was done. Forgiving the debt does nothing to change what the debt was or was not. It simply declared that it is no longer owed. And when you can stop living your life like a bill collector emotionally chasing after the tornadoes that destroyed part of your life, you will find a freedom to heal and rebuild. People can see your life and say, "Wow, it doesn't look like this place was ever burned to the ground or destroyed by tornadoes!" And then you can assure them that it was, but God restored you and can do the same for the wreckage in their life as well.
