I drove Leah to work this morning, as I often do. I failed to warm up the truck before we left, as I also often do, so it took most of the trip before the heater began blowing warm air. I drove huddled in on myself against the cold. As I began to hurt from keeping my muscles tense too long, I pictured myself from the outside, looking smaller than I actually am, curled in on myself and shrunken from the cold.
The cold makes us small. This is also true when the winter is within. When our hearts grow cold, cold toward God, toward others, towards life, our souls shrivel, and we shrink in on ourselves. A body bent against the cold wind bears the same form as a body carrying a heavy burden, as though the cold has weight. Unforgiveness tears through the heart like a savage north wind, pounding us in on ourselves, keeping us burdened down, huddled in the misery of our frozen heart. It isn't the subject of our unforgiveness that suffers. We who refuse to forgive and embrace the warmth of love and grace towards those that have wronged us, or those who we perceive have hurt us, are the ones who suffer from the cold, the ones who slowly freeze to death.
In order to make the request found in the Lord's prayer that God forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us we have to first acknowledge our need to be forgiven. I don't need a one time wiping clean of the slate but a continual washing. As I walk in relationship with God, turning my will and life over to Him, and practicing the spiritual principles I have learned in every area of my life, selfishness and sin loosens its hold over me. But there is still sin and areas of selfishness that have power in my life and need to be taken seriously.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives. My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But is anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense - Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
- I John 1:8-2:2
I must face this problem. I have to see the areas where I have lived as though there is no God, or if there is a God, that He has no control or part in that area of my life. Where have I acted as though I am in control of my own will and life? Where have I attempted to gain what I want or to meet my own needs with my own power and without regarding God's will for my life or how my actions will effect others? Where have I been selfish and self-centered?
In parables Jesus made it clear that we can not be one who is forgiven so much and yet refuses to give mercy and forgive those who owe us. I have heard it said that as we pray the Lord's Prayer the word
as is like an equals sign. We are praying to God and asking Him to forgive us in the same way and manner that we forgive others. If we are to acknowledge God's love for us and ask Him to forgive us where we have missed the mark and fallen short of the goal, we must extend this grace and forgiveness to everyone who may have injured us in any way regardless of intent, regardless of whether they did something or failed to do something, regardless of if they even acknowledge or accept that they have wronged us and need to be forgiven.
Jesus didn't teach us to say forgive me and I will try to forgive them, I will at some point forgive, I will pretend to forgive. He taught us to pray forgive me as I forgive them. I can not request or demand my release for guilt while holding onto my right to hold another accountable for his or her guilt. I have to rid myself of all resentment and condemnation of others and of myself. If God has forgiven me, what right do I have to continue to flog and punish myself for the past?
Forgiveness is not just something for me to receive. It must also be offered. Even so, going back to the equals idea of the clause, and this is important, there is no way that we can earn forgiveness by anything we do, not even by forgiving others. We can not earn forgiveness credits by forgiving any number of others, great, small or total. Forgiveness is by God's grace through Christ, not by any merit we have. But unforgiveness can block God's blessing in our lives.
There are actually two Greek words used here.
Forgive us our sins uses the common Greek noun
hamartia, meaning
sin, miss the mark. In the next phrase,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us, the word
sin translates the Greek verb
opheilo, meaning
owe, be indebted. We've all met people who feel that everyone
owes them something; those who hold a grudge are something like that. I know that I am guilty of having lived with that attitude, and I highly suspect that all of us have felt this way. They nurse a hurt, a slight, a sin until it separates them from the person, and from God Himself.
I have seen many people who wonder why they aren't experiencing God's fullness. I have been one of those people. At the bottom of this feeling is a root of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness toward someone or something who has hurt them deeply. The key to freedom is forgiveness. Setting others free means setting myself free. Holding resentment against someone chains me to that person. It gives them power and control over areas of my life, and limits me. I am no longer free when I am unable to forgive. Why would I want to attach myself for life to the people who have done me the most harm? Why would I let them have power over how I feel and act? Instead of belonging to God, instead of turning my will and my life over to the God who loves and cares about me, I have now given part of my life, if not all of it, and my will, how I will act and react and feel, over to the care of people who have already proven themselves, at the least, unable to properly care for me at all times and, at worst, are actively trying to hurt me. It's like hiring a bodyguard that I know is either incompetent or has been paid way more to see me dead.
But how do I do it? How do I forgive the unforgivable? The pain and hurt and injustice that has shredded and nearly killed me and in which I have used the anger I have over it to fuel my very being for years until I am used up and shriveled in on myself unable to stay warm...how do I let that go? The key is willingness. I don't have to at first figure out how to break the glue that binds resentment to my heart, but I only have to be willing to have that glue broken. Willingness to forgive is actually the biggest part of what we have to do.
We can pray and declare to God that we fully and completely forgive the person who has harmed us. We declare the matter released and let go. The case against this person is closed forever, just as the case against me is closed because of the grace of God. We cast the burden of resentment upon Christ to carry it or let if go as He wills, but we will no longer carry it ourselves. We declare the person free of the debt to us and us free of the bondage of holding their debt against them. Then thank God for forgiveness and freedom and move on.
When the person or incident comes to mind and brings pain or anger once more, we simply remind ourselves that they are forgiven by us and by God, as we are. This is a closed case, and there is no need to reopen or reexamine it. Then we pray a prayer of blessing on the person. Pray everything for them that we want for ourselves. We show love. Wash, rinse repeat as necessary. How long will this take? Who knows. It varies. But if we do it faithfully, the resentment, the feeling again of hurt and anger, the unforgiveness trying to rise from the dead will occur less and less until the matter is gone from our heart and mind forever. The freedom and peace that will come to take the place of resentment is well worth the price of releasing our right to be mad. The warmth of loving as we are called to love will thaw our cold hearts, and we will find that not only can we walk tall, but the love of God will radiate from us and warm those around us who are still hunched and hurting from the cold.
