Unshackled Life Ministries

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Unshackled Echo ~ May 13, 2017 ~ Stuck

Today's Unshackled Echo was previously published on

June 28, 2013 as Stuck

I remember a time when my father and I got stuck. I don't remember the exact situation, but I think we were leaving the area after rabbit hunting. Driving across a low spot in the farmer's field we were in, the truck became stuck. My father tried rocking back and forth in forward then reverse and all the other tricks I'd seen him use to get a vehicle out of the mud. They'd never failed before, but that night they did. We were stuck.

Then my father shocked me. He walked to a nearby barn and borrowed a shovel. He shoveled sand into the bed of the truck. I kept thinking, Now we'll never get out of here. He's making it sink down more! It was one of the few times in my life I doubted my father's wisdom and sanity. Much to my surprise, after he finished putting sand in the bed of the truck, he drove right out of the hole, across the rest of the field and to the safety of the road. We were moving again! The added weight caused the tires to press into the earth and have enough traction to move forward instead of spinning on the surface.

It's easy when the weight of life is on us to want to moan and ask God why He's letting that happen. Perhaps God, seeing what we can not, know, that the ground we're moving across or will be moving across soon is slick and wet and easy to become stuck in. Perhaps He's adding weight so we can maintain traction of focus on Him. Or maybe we've driven our lives into an area we shouldn't have and the results of our own will and actions have caused the added weight. Either way, the answer is the same. Instead of cursing the weight and being discouraged, let us be thankful that we aren't needlessly spinning our wheels and that we can we can let the burden focus our attention on Jesus and give us the traction to seek the safety of His solid rock. There, in the way of His will, we can give Him the weight that we're too tired to carry.

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Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments, the weekly Unshackled Echo and or listens to the Audio Messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them on social media, commented on the blog or replied to an email subscription. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions and sermons to more people by sharing this? Hitting the share button or forwarding this to a friend will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 12 ~ Son, That Is Not Acceptable

It's Friday! The weekend is upon us! And, for most people, this is either a special weekend or a time of misery and sadness. For those for whom the latter is true because you didn't have a mother (or maybe it's would've been better for you if you hadn't), or because your mother is gone, or perhaps you're a woman who has lost a child, or has struggled with infertility, I am sorry for your pain and for my part in adding to it. I understand how hard it is to feel like the whole world is celebrating your greatest heartache and being unable to escape it because it's on everything you see and in every conversation you hear, as the theme for entertainment and flooding social media. If that's you, I'm praying for you today and al this weekend, and I am encouraging others to take a moment from their joy and celebration and remembrance to think of and pray for you and those who share your pain.

And yes, Mother's Day is not yet here, nor is that a topic I've ever seen in a recovery group. Today, we're going to talk about mothers. No, I haven't heard it done that way, but in response to a hundred different topics I have heard stories with mothers at the center, both in gratitude and thankfulness for faithful love and support and in pouring out horrific pain and fear. And I have seen many women in recovery speak of overcoming the regret of failing to be the mother they should be, of using motherhood as a source of inspiration and strength to do the work to get and stay clean, and of gratitude that now they can be good mothers to the children they love. You can not hang out with recovered drunks and druggies long without motherhood, positive and negative, coming up. And while this is a couple of day's early, this is my last new writing before Sunday.

I am grateful that I do not fall into that latter category from the first paragraph. I have an amazing mother, and she is still with me. I have been richly and truly blessed. And she, unfortunately for her, is an example of how you can do it right, raise a child with love and discipline and the truth of God as the foundation for everything you're building, and yet still have that child become the prodigal. My mother didn't drive me to drink or drug, she didn't look the other way as I ran wild in the streets (It took a lot of work and energy to sneak around behind the ever watchful eyes of my mom and to escape her nose that seriously seemed to be able to smell smoke and alcohol from a mile away). It wasn't my father's fault or actions either, but today we're not looking at dads.

It also most certainly was not due to a lack of instruction. Oh how my poor mother tried. I can't help but wonder at times how hard it must have been to feel she couldn't get through, to see that nothing was changing or that things were getting worse rather than better. How much love it took to inspire that faithful prayer she covered me with year after year without any evidence that I would live long enough to have it answered, that I would ever quit running from God. I didn't finally get clean and sober, didn't fully resurrender my will and life over to the care and love of God until I was nearly 40 after all. And she knew I new right from wrong.

My momma didn't raise any stupid children, despite the evidence of the stupid choices I have made in the past. And she told us, told me. That is not acceptable. I cant begin to guess how many times I have heard those words from my mother's lips. And the times when it was a tad more serious came that is not acceptable, young man. Young man, two words spoken in such a way that even at 46 I completely understand that I am not too old or big to be disciplined by Mom. I am still her child and always will be. But boy, when I had really blown it came the heavier Son, that is not acceptable. Son was different than young man. With it came a heaviness and disappointment, and, often, exhaustion.

Son, and everything in that word said can't you see how much I love you. Can't you see how much I don't want this pain and misery for you. Can't you see that I want better for you. Can't you see how I'm trying to keep you from falling into the ditch or the grave? I care. Please listen. Please respond and let me help you and guide you. I hurt when you hurt and this is killing me. You know better. You know this isn't the way. This isn't right. Son, I love you totally and completely, but what you are doing and the road you're on, that is not acceptable.

And she never accepted it. Never. And she never gave up. She kept fighting on her knees for the life of her first born. Seven years ago, a week and a day after Mother's Day 2010, it stuck, the not drinking and drugging. But the journey on the road to recovery, this prodigal's return trip home, began well before seven years ago. It started even before the 15 months I managed to do before the last relapse. It started before the seeking and searching for an answer in prison. Even before the turn of the century and the conviction. The seed for the return was planted even before all the times she tried to steer me away from the wrong road and reminded me of what was and was not acceptable. It actually began before I ever stepped foot on the road to hell on earth. My mother's instruction began at my birth, but her prayers for me began even before that, and they never stopped, never gave up, never accepted defeat, never believed for a moment that the idea of freedom for me and a life worth living were hopeless and foolish dreams. Despite the decades of brokenness she looked at me with a determination in her eyes that said I will see you free and understanding that you are loved if it kills me.

Today I only hear her tell me something isn't acceptable a few times a year, usually when I am being a smartie pants, speaking fluent sarcasm or getting a bit crass. It happens. Progress rather than perfection. Her dreams for me moved the mountain of hopelessness and despair from my heart. That's what her faith and endurance helped do. I am so grateful for her faithful prayer, her constant love and yes, every single time she spoke those words, Son, that is not acceptable.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Unsahckled Moments ~ May 11, 2017 ~ My Response Is My Responsibility

My response is my responsibility. That doesn't always mean that I control my response. Sometimes I can't. Most times actually, because if I am running on my own will, strength and power, my default, my first instinct, my natural reaction is usually not the way God would respond to the same situation.

Sometimes, a lot of times, things don't go our way. People say and do things that interfere with the way we would prefer the situation to be or go. Sometimes we are inconvenienced. Sometimes we are bothered and or offended. Sometimes we are insulted or outright attacked by others. Sometimes when we try to serve and help others or simply to love and do what we believe God wants us to do, we step on the toes others and they retaliate. We can't control how others act or respond to us, and to try will drive us crazy. It is not our calling or responsibility to control how others act or react toward us. But how we interact with and respond to them is our responsibility.

Still, I can't control all of my reactions any more than I can control my self will. They are inseparable. Sometimes the best way that I can fulfill my responsibility is to get out of the way, to pause and surrender before acting. Surrender to the Spirit within so that I can respond with love, kindness, understanding, compassion, mercy, patience and other attributes of Daddy that are not always in my nature. When someone is angry or upset with me, it is in my nature to become defensive and or angry back. But that is not how God responds to me when I am upset. This is especially true when I am trying to be loving and helpful.

Have you ever tried to help someone and they got upset with you? If you're anything like me, the natural response it to get upset and attack. It seems foolish to say that the reflex is to strike out at someone who we were trying to help seconds earlier, but that's often the way it is. You jerk! Can't you see that I'm trying to help you? Fine suffer then! I won't help. Do it on your own. Fall off that cliff that I can clearly see in your path! Don't come crying to me when it all goes wrong!

When I was a boy, we had a dog named Trixie. She was a gentle and sweet cockapoo, and she only bit someone, my father, once. Trixie got shot with a BB gun. The BB embedded in her inner thigh and caused her a lot of pain. My father went to help her. Removing the BB caused her pain, despite the fact that it had to be done and was the only thing to do to remedy her situation. She whirled around and bit my father's hand. He didn't react in anger. He stayed calm, held her head down and as gently as possible finished removing the BB. Afterward, Trixie returned to her normal and gentle self. It blew my mind. I would have beat her for biting me and told my father so. He told me she couldn't help it. She acted on instinct because of her pain and it wasn't really about wanting to hurt him but rather stopping her hurt. She couldn't understand he was helping.

Sometimes people who are hurting bite us, even when we are trying to help them. It takes the grace of God and the power of the Spirit to respond to them with kindness and patience. But to allow the love of God to control our reactions is what we are called to do, to respond as Jesus would. We can't keep people from trying to bite because of their brokenness and pain, but if we are going to be a part of their healing and a part of the solution to their need, if we are going to be a demonstration of God's love in their lives, we must respond to them as God would.

At the same time, we must remember that we can't make everyone happy or please all the people all of the time. Not even Jesus was able to do that. In order to reach those who were outcast and most in need, He ticked off a segment of the religious and self-righteous and those who were unable to see their own need.

I remember a time when a woman had her car break down in a busy intersection in town. People were driving around her, going about their business as best they could. The horns and angry glares of passerbys showed that some were more upset than others at being slowed down by the obstacle her vehicle made. I and another man tried to help push her car from the intersection to a parking lot out of the way, but we couldn't. Every time we got the car moving we had to stop because cars were still trying to drive around us. Finally, I got in my truck, pulled into the intersection and blocked the path so no one could go around us. Now traffic was completely stopped and people were upset. But we were then able to push the car out of the way. I moved my truck and traffic began to flow normally. Some were inconvenienced. Some were upset. But the woman most in need was helped, and in the long run even more people were served because traffic returned to normal and the traffic that came by even a few minutes later wasn't impeded. A few people were inconvenienced in order to provide the best service to all concerned.

Those who were bothered were not within my control. I couldn't make them more patient or understanding. I couldn't make them less hindered and still help. By doing what was right, someone was going to be slowed down and delayed. I still needed to do the right thing or the mess would have stayed a mess. Those who were upset though could have helped themselves. They could have gotten out of self long enough to realize it was better for the woman to get help than it was to make sure they weren't inconvenienced. They could have gotten out of their vehicles and helped us push the car out of the way, making the situation be resolved more quickly. Or they could've been upset and angry that what they wanted, to be able to just move on without having their day interfered with, wasn't happening. How they responded was their responsibility.

Today let us respond to those we encounter with love, kindness and patience, even when they are striking out and acting rabid. When we can't control our reactions to respond as Christ would, let us be quick to surrender control and our will to God so that the Spirit can empower us to respond in love. And let us not stop ourselves from doing what is right because we see or fear negative responses from others. Controlling their reactions is not our responsibility but theirs. We can not make ourselves patient and unselfish. We surely can't make someone else see that they are being selfish or make them understand that, as Spock said, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. Do what's right. Respond with loving kindness to everyone, and pray for those who bite the helping hand.

Religion Is Rubbish

Dalyn Woodard continues the series on joy. In Philippians 3, Paul reminds the church that joy is found in who Jesus is and what He did for us. The message, "Religion Is Rubbish" is about 46 minutes long and was recorded at Nacogdoches Christian Fellowship on Wednesday, May 10, 2017. It's our prayer that you are blessed and ministered to as you listen. If you missed any previous messages in this serious, Part 1, "Pursuit Of Happiness," can be found here, Part 2, "Joy From Loneliness," can be found here. Part 3, "Suffer Well," can be found here, Part 4. "Happy Joy," can be found here. Part 5, " Joy In Facing Death," can be found here. Part 6, "The Root Of Joy," can be found here, and Part 7, "Joy In Obedience," can be found here. May God bless and keep you.

Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments and or listens to the messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions to more people by sharing the Moments and messages that you read or listen to? Hitting the share button instead of or in addition to the like button will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.

If you would like to have notifications of new Unshackled Moments and messages sent to you via email, send an email to dalynwoodard@mail.com requesting to be added to the list. You can also follow Dalyn Woodard (@Dalynsmsings) on Twitter or Unshackled Life Ministries on Facebook.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ Ma 10, 2017 ~ Controlling People

In the interest of transparency and rigorous honesty, I'm going to draw back the drapes and give a peek into the foolishness and craziness that is my mind, especially when I have too much blood in my caffeine system. I can make a huge thing out of something that probably barely matters, if it does matter at all. I can stress and twist off over nothing, and if I am not careful I can get quite anxious and OCD about trying to do the right thing. Now, if you're worried about doing the right thing, then at least the motivation must be right, the heart is in the right place. Perhaps. Perhaps not.

I know that I shouldn't be anxious about anything, including what is right, so if I am, maybe I need to look at my motives a little more closely. So, I want to do what's right, the next right thing...But why? What is the motive for that? Is it to try to be loving, to love God and others? Is it to give God glory, or in recovery language, bear witness to those I would help of His power, His love and His way of life? Or is it because I want to look good, to present myself in a certain light, to gain approval or acceptance from people, or to manipulate people's opinions of me with my actions?

This is why my brain hurts sometimes. And what deep or significant matter sent me off on the above tangent this morning? As I sat and started my day, I glanced through Twitter and Facebook to share a few things and see if something would kick start my writing motor with a topic. No luck on the inspiration front, but I didn't really expect there to be. My themes rarely come through that route. I left social media behind, and began my readings and morning meditation. Suddenly it hit me that I had clicked like on something I didn't like, or at least didn't like all of what the meme quoted. Here is where the quandary began.

As silly as it may seem to you, Dear Reader, and it seems absolutely ridiculous to me, I interrupted my morning routine to go back to my Facebook and debate myself for several minutes as to whether or not I should leave things as they were or remove my like from the post. If I only like a portion of the quote or saying and dislike the rest, am I being rigorously honest by clicking like? Which is the most honest answer, to say I like the statement or say I don't? There are no I like part of this and totally disagree with the rest buttons. But I haven't seen many posts from this particular person lately, it is obviously important to them to express this statement, and will they feel ignored if I don't somehow acknowledge that I saw and read it? Is it more important to be loving and supportive or to be rigorously honest? I guess I could remove the like and instead comment that I love the part I agree with and just not say anything about the part I think is bogus. And why am I stressing over this when this friend probably never thinks of me or remembers my name if they don't come across it, see it on a post or hear it spoken somewhere. I am probably not even a blip on the radar of their day. Why would they even care what I think? Is that the issue? Am I really worried about what is the right and loving thing to do or am I worried about and or trying to control what this person, and others who see the post, think about me, or even just trying to cause them to think about me at all? What is my motivation?

Are you laughing? Are you wondering just how insane is this guy? Or are you feeling a little kinship with my crazy? Perhaps you are thinking that I am surely making a mountain out of a mole hill, and I would tend to agree. On the other hand, even the things that seem silly, innocent or barely register with us can effect others and make an impact in the lives of someone else. A small rock, when tossed, can make a big splash and cause many ripples on the surface of a pond.

Less than a week ago, a friend of mine posted something publicly that I commented on. A relative of mine, who is not a friend of the poster and only saw the post because I commented that I agreed with the meme, evidently took offense or was bothered by my agreement. The relative unfriended me after informing me they were going to because they disagreed with what I had said. At the time, I found the entire situation amusing. This, to me, felt like someone overhearing a conversation they weren't really a part of and getting upset over it and over reacting. Have we really become so sensitive that we can't be friends with relatives if we don't completely agree on every issue? It's silly. But now I have to ask myself if my concern this morning isn't connected to the events of the other day.

Maybe I am looking at this too hard, but motivations do matter. Upon examining my actions over the last few days, I have made several comments on posts where this relative and I have both interacted solely to show that I am not mad about being unfriended, to show myself being friendly and respectful to someone who wasn't either with me. But why? To be a good friend? To be an instrument of God's love? Or to cause the person to rethink their actions or to see how foolish it is to cut someone off over something that doesn't effect things on an eternal level?

As embarrassing as it is to admit, upon reflection, I can see that for several days I have been trying to control my image in the perception of this relative. I have been attempting to control how this person sees, thinks and responds to me through my actions and comments. Foolishness. And doing this has now bled over into the way I interact with others. I have slipped on the banana peel of trying to please others and influence how they think of me. And that is the wrong motivation, even if and when I am trying to appear supportive, loving and forgiving.

The more you try to control others, the more they control you. This is true, even when they aren't even thinking about you. You become a puppet whose strings are pulled by the opinions, or the perceived opinions, of people rather than a real person. It's a mask, A farce. We are called to be real. My motivation should be to be submitted to God and be a light of His love and compassion. Not to become fake and have what I do and say be controlled by my desire to control and influence others. So, the crazy quandary of this morning actually served a purpose, It caused me to examine myself and my motives and to see where I have recently gotten off track.

Now I have a new course of action. I can repent of my people pleasing motives and my attempt to control others. I can pray for my relative and stop attempting to influence the relationship. I can truly let it go. And the situation that made me think? The concern over liking only part of a meme? Well, that's just silly and not worth worrying about.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 9, 2017 ~ Remembering Relapse

After my last relapse, I knew what I needed to do, what worked, and yet I still struggled. Id be sober for a day or two and then screw up. This sort of thing went on for a few weeks before I was finally able to quit. I remember what I felt like. I remember losing the battle repeatedly. And I have had that same experience in other areas, in areas of habitual sin.

There are some who do not like the idea of calling addiction a disease and who do not like calling habitual sin addiction. I understand why, because it seems to relieve the sufferer of the responsibility to fight and it seems to serve as an excuse to continue in the behavior. It can seem like that to those outside looking in, and to those going through it. I use the word seems here for a reason.

One of the reasons that I had such a hard time coming back to recovery after my relapse and binge of Spring 2010 is I felt like a failure, and I felt powerless. Now, in one sense, that's a good thing. That's where we need to be to find freedom from addictions and from any kind of habitual sin as well. Why? Because we are powerless over sin and our own nature, over self. We need the power of the Spirit to walk with God. We can't do it on our own strength, will, determination or power. If we get out there trying, we will fail. We can't do it. So understanding that we failed again and still can't, never will be able to, do it on our own is a good thing. It does not give us an excuse. It doesn't equate with don't fight or don't try...unless.

Unless? Yes. Unless what? We can't set ourselves free and keep ourselves free. God can and will if He is sought. There is a reason the period isn't after will. The prodigal found restoration in the father's love and forgiveness, but he returned home, he sought the father. It is only when we abide, stay and live in, the word of God that we will know truth and be made free (John 8:32). It is the truth that freed us, frees us and continues to keep us free, and since Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, it is Jesus who frees us. And so what happens when our pride, our rebellion, our shame, our whatever gets in the way of our relationship with Jesus?

We know what we need to do, and for whatever reason we don't want to, or can't seem to, run to Daddy. What then? Well, then, we are trying to take those spiritual steps and practice those spiritual principles on our own, in our own strength and on our own power. Maybe we feel ashamed we didn't use the grace and power we know we have through the Spirit and we missed the mark again. But somehow, after making a mistake, we compound it by buying the lie that we need to clean up our mess and show our sincerity by doing it right for a while before we return to Daddy's home. We get repentance mixed up with power.

Part of me wanted to do what I did. Part of me enjoyed it. I didn't even fight, or I didn't fight hard enough. So I must not really be sorry. I must not really want recovery or freedom or to walk with God and not sin. So, I shouldn't return to God and say I surrender until I am really ready and until I know it's 100% true. To show it's true, that I really want it, I'm going to try really hard to do what's right and show God how much I want to serve Him and obey.

At which point we enter the battle to fight on our own, and it doesn't take long before we are exhausted and the light dawns that we are going to lose. That thought comes that, for me, is something along the lines of you know you're going to cave, you're going to do it tomorrow or the next day or the next week and it's going to be an exhausting fight until you finally lose. Aren't you tired of the fight? Since you know you can't win anyway, why not just give in and do whatever now. You'll feel a little sad and guilty, but at least the hopeless fight will be over. And next? Relapse. Sin. That's the disease idea, the hopelessness and powerlessness of addiction being used to just give in and do it already, to not try.

But the problem isn't with the label or definition. The problem, as with the sin itself, is with the relationship to Daddy. If I can't do it on my own but feel like I need to do it to show God and others that I am repentant and serious, I'm screwed. I felt ashamed that I had walked so far outside of the will of God that I had relapsed, and that made it hard to return home spiritually. I also still had the anger that had caused me to take back my will. I was angry at God, and the trust I had in Him and for Him had been damaged. And that made it nearly impossible to relay on Him. So, for a few weeks after I decided to return to recovery, I kept failing. I said no more. I know what to do and where to go. I have to get clean and sober again or I'll die, and I don't want to die. And then I didn't get clean or sober for almost a month. Why? Because I was trying to do the next right thing, to walk the spiritual principles I knew without really climbing back into relationship with or totally relying on God. It didn't work. There's no way it could, You don't get the benefits of relationship with God without relationship with God.

When I came to that place of brokenness where I was no longer trying to rebuild my sobriety, when I was no longer simply trying to break the chains of bondage, stop engaging in bad habits, walk free of sin, however you wish to describe it, but instead sought Him, focused on rebuilding that relationship and having that conscious contact with Daddy that I found myself free again. It's one of those ironies. If we're seeking freedom first and foremost, we'll fall short. If we're seeking Jesus first and foremost, He will free us. But if we try to earn relationship with Him or prove we deserve it or His help or show we are serious about it by walking free for a while before we rely on Him totally and completely, then that while is going to end up being until we fail once more. We can't. He can and will if He is sought. May you find Him now.

Whether you've been free for years. Or if you are struggling with bondage where you walk free a little while and then fall and repeat that cycle over and over, or even if you failed so many times that you just quit fighting and embraced the shame of hopelessness and made that which you wanted freedom from a part of your life, the answer is Jesus. The solution, the way to get free and stay free is not in trying really hard or in searching for an answer to the problem. The solution is to search for the Answer. Seek first the kingdom of God, the reign of God in your life and relationship with Him (righteousness) and all these other things, those things you need like the power to not sin, and the desire to do what's right over and more than the desire to do wrong, like freedom, will be added to you.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 8, 2017 ~ With Me Always

Speak I am here

Take my hand and hold me near

Cause hope feels so far

Please remind me of who You are

When my faith becomes a battle

I will find You in the shadow

You are with me always

When my eyes can’t see

I know You are here with me

Love called for me

When my heart and flesh felt weak

Hope it carried me

Over death into victory

And now I stand in Your victory

As faithful as the stars at night

As endless as the heavens height

Your mercy floods like morning light

You’re with me

You never left and You never will

- With Me Always by LIFE Worship

I woke with a start early this morning, feeling as though I should throw a punch or something and with my stomach twisted in knots. Dreams. Sometimes they suck. I needed to go back to sleep. It was far too early to be getting up, and I haven't gotten nearly enough rest lately. But I dreaded the idea of returning to the terror I'd just escaped. As I lay in bed trying to slow my heart beat and quiet my soul, With Me Always began playing on my mental jukebox. Before long I drifted back off to sleep, and to different dreams. I am grateful.

Closer to when I should be waking, I woke again, and this time I got up, kissed my wife good morning, poured up some Magic Elixir of Waketitude, and prepared to begin my day. Because today would have been Leah's brother Brian's birthday and it is also the four year anniversary of her being baptized, Leah and I spent a few minutes reminiscing and talking about this day in our lives. I loaded up my memories on Facebook and saw where we were thankful for my cousin Rene a few years ago and for the baby raccoon she told us we could have. I also saw where I had posted the Wish You Were Here video by Pink Floyd in Brian's memory. I reshared it.

Then, I scrolled a bit further down and saw two things that I posted seven years ago today. Finally starting to feel almost human again...think I'm going to make it all the way through work tonight, which is good. Frustrated. I walked off and left my phone at home though, sigh, so if anyone is trying to get a hold of me, that's why you can't. And about six hours later, need a meeting, sigh. On this day in 2010, I had tried to return to what I knew, what worked, where I had found freedom. It would be another nine days before retracing my steps would enable me to quit picking up drink and drug, but I was trying. The relapse after 15 months clean and sober had nearly killed me. I was afraid it still might. This amazing woman named Leah was commenting on my post that she was glad that I was feeling better, and our conversations encouraged me and made me think that it might be a good idea for me to stay alive. I knew if I were going to live, I had to get clean and sober again. My friends Emily and Jan were holding my cash for me. The dope house cried to me like a Siren, and I couldn't be trusted with money. There were other friends who helped. But it was God who made the miracle happen and set me free.

As faithful as the stars at night. That sounds awesome. There's no doubt that God was faithful and there with me as I returned to the spiritual path that I had been called to walk, as I, the prodigal, returned home, He was faithful to forgive and receive me. But that line also speaks to our limited perspective. Those stars are burning the same and just as brightly and faithfully and in the exact same orbit at noon as they are at midnight. We don’t think about it or remember it during the day because the light of the star closest to us, the sun, keeps us from observing them, but they’re there doing the same thing they were doing before the sun came up and the same thing they’ll be doing when it sets again. He is faithful and with us always. He is God and His nature, power and love for us are the same and haven’t changed when we can easily see them and when distractions close to us mask or hide His light from our eyes.

God was just as faithful as I made the choices that led to my incarceration. He was there, just as eager for my return, in those days in the cage that still haunt my dreams. He was with me when I got clean and sober on Christmas day, 2008 and when I relapsed 15 months later. And when I got clean and sober again two months after that. He was just as faithful on the good days as the bad, when I was faithful to follow Him and when I rebelled. He is faithful to me, to you, to love, to who He is. Day and night. Good times and bad. He is with us always,

If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

- Psalm 139:8