Forgiveness can be hard. Sometimes just the idea can reopen the wound and victimize us all over again. We all want to be forgiven for our mess and the wrongs we have done, but we often don't want to extend that same forgiveness into the mess someone else caused and what they have done to us. And that makes perfect sense when we take into account that our problem is self. I need mercy. I demand justice from them. Both of these make things better for me. We don't see giving mercy and accepting justice for us as in our own best interest.
It's easy to throw out grace when it comes to forgiveness. What makes forgiveness easy? Well, they didn't mean to hurt me and they're really sorry. They didn't have any choice. I messed up first, so really we're even. They've changed so I won't hold the past against them. But that's not forgiveness. That's justice. That's some idea of fairness. The scales are balanced, either by what they've done to make it right or be different or by what we've done to each other. You stepped on my toe. I broke your nose. We're even, and I won't hold it against you anymore. Not forgiveness.
But this is the type of thinking that has some of us years into recovery saying, or at least feeling, things like, but that happened over a decade ago! That's not who I am anymore! Besides, I was high when I did that and never would have otherwise. You should really get over it and forgive me already. It's also what has us saying, or at least feeling, things like, well, they haven't changed at all so they don't deserve forgiveness. They aren't sorry, and I can't trust them, so I'm surely not going to forgive them. And so the cycle of sickness and resentment continues.
We somehow have all decided that to forgive means people are getting away with something and there is no justice. That we can't be healed or restored without justice, so we can't let it go until it has been made right. And you know what? You're right and wrong if you feel that way.It is absolutely true that there can be no healing and restoration without justice. That we can't have a life worth living without justice. Last night I said, talking aloud to a TV character, "Well, whoever said that life was supposed to be fair, little girl?"
We all did. We admit that life isn't fair, or doesn't seem fair. But we all also know that it should be. It needs to be. In a good world, life is fair. There is justice. That's why, even though we don't believe life is fair, when we are treated unfairly, we immediately feel it and recognize it and declare it. That's not fair!!
We see forgiveness like an open bar that isn't truly open. OK, maybe that's a bad example and the drunk in me is coming out. But what if an even had a buffet, instead of an open bar, and it was free for some and others had to pay? We would say that isn't right. It isn't fair. But what if we learned that someone had purchased the buffet tickets for everyone and all that you had to do to eat free is go by the table at the door and pick up a paid for ticket? Oh, so I don't have to pay? Awesome. Let me go get a ticket. And everyone who wants a ticket can have it? That's fair. And when we see someone upset that they're about to have to pay for their food? We tell them about the table with the free tickets. But no one is getting away with a free meal. It's not free. It's just that someone else paid. The chefs and suppliers are still getting the same money. It's just, because no one is shorted.
Everything that has been done to us will be made right. The bill will be settled. Everything. And everything we have done will also be made right. That bill will be settled as well. The unfairness of life is a result of sin and death entering the world and throwing everything off balance. When the King returns and sets everything in order, justice will be satisfied. The scales will all balance. Life will be eternally fair. It has to be that way, because we have a just and good God. So every debt will come due, and it will be paid. The only question is by whom? If we accept what Jesus did on the cross, we can stop worrying about our bill. We have a ticket to the buffet. It's not free. It's just that Jesus paid for it. And if we don't accept His work? Then one day we will account for every wrong, every selfish act, every idle word. Every single one.
And all those people who wronged us? The same is true. Either they accept the payment made on their behalf or they will pay. And what that means is that we don't have to keep trying to pay, nor do we have to go through life trying to make sure that we are paid. It's done. There can be no healing and restoration without justice, but there is justice. Jesus satisfied justice when He gave up His innocence in exchange for the world's guilt. He paid for the eternal buffet. When we remember and believe that, we can stop trying to escape or satisfy justice ourselves and stop trying to get it from people who can't afford the bill. Instead, we can know that it has or will be made right. So we can turn to the one who paid the price, trust the goodness of justice and mercy, and let the healing begin in us.
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