Secret Bondage is not always about what we are sneaking around doing. Sometimes there are things that were done to us that bring such fear of rejection, negative consequences and shame should anyone know about them, there might have even been blackmail and threats associated, that we push everything down and pray no one ever knows or guesses what happened. No one would accept, like, love me if they knew this about me. This, of course, is not true. First, God knows all those things that happens. He knows them better than you do, because His recollection is not fallible, does not fade or alter with time, and He is not tempted nor guilty of tweaking or twisting memory of events to make it seem less horrible, not one persons fault or another or to make anyone look less or more like a victim, or like a perpetrator or however else our mind might doctor a memory to help us survive. Yet, He loves us with an everlasting love. What we do to hide these secrets, or more in truth to try to hide that there even is a secret, can be a horrible chain about our heart and life. We must keep a wall up at all times and there can never be total honesty or intimacy in any relationship as long as those secrets are held onto. Also, they can lead to other bondage as we try to cope with the weight of carrying alone what we were never meant to carry at all. Many a drunk and addict has been unable to find freedom from substances until finally revealing the secrets of the past that were haunting them. Sometimes the surface bondage is but a symptom.
Sometimes secret bondage is a sin that we just can't let go of or get free of for long. An activity or substance or thought life that is clearly and knowingly outside of God's will for us and that we are afraid of the consequences should the thing ever come to light. It could be the shame involved, the possibility of serious damage to reputation and or service/ministry, the threat of damage to relationships that causes us to keep the secret locked in the cellar. It could of course also be, at least in part, an understanding that if the secret were known we'd have to give it up. We could no longer continue to indulge self. People would know, and we would have to stop. This is one reason why it is necessary to turn on that light and do the dreaded reveal. Not only does it force close the path of continuing without consequence but because sin is pleasurable for a while there is an addictive nature to secret sin, whatever it might be, that makes it impossible to stop for long and keep it secret, because there will always be a part of our flesh, our carnal mind, our old nature, that wants to indulge, to taste, to touch, to look, to feel the forbidden one last time. Only it's never one last time.
Secret sin may have been chosen or we might fall in temptation. No matter how long the pleasure lasts, it is followed by guilt, shame and fear of discovery. Then the Spirit calls to repentance and confession. Fear of what would happen should anyone find out causes a refusal to confess and the secret pleasure of secret sin breeds rebellion rather than repentance. The new creation within us weeps and longs for freedom, while the flesh shoulders the weight of shame and guilt and seeks another taste. Refusing to repent and keeping the secret means becoming stiff necked and that we are not in submission to God, surrendered to His will. We are not walking in obedience. We have taken our will back and our doing our own thing out of fear, or rebellion or both. Not only can we not gain freedom from the secret sin in this state, but we will begin to lose freedom on other areas. We must live in submission to His way and will in order to have the grace to walk free from sin. Asserting our will, regardless of why we are doing so - whether it is because we enjoy the bondage and want to return to Egypt, because we are afraid of what will happen if we surrender our will for His and don't trust Him enough, or for some other reason, is the first step to putting our life back in chains that Christ came to set us free from.
To break the bondage of secret sin, the secret must be revealed. It doesn't mean it must be shouted to the world, but at the least a trusted counselor, mentor or minister should know the struggle within. There needs to be someone willing and able to help hold us accountable in the future in the area. And then prayer, the Holy Spirit and counsel can help determine who, if anyone, else needs to know for freedom to continue and healing to occur. Better to tell one person and find freedom than to continue and have the words of Christ that what is done is the dark will be brought to light come to cause wide scale repercussions, Secret sin will eventually be found out. We'll slip up, get found out, or simply bear the fruit of the seeds we sow as God removes His protection and leaves us to the consequences of our choices when we take our will and lives back from His care. The damage from secrets exposed is always worse and more difficult to heal from and repair than secrets revealed.
The weight of our secrets can kill us. I remember when I first began taking the steps to freedom and relationship with God spending several hours with one trusted person exposing the secrets of a lifetime to the light. That night I slept better than I had in years. It surprised me, but what I feared doing for longer than I could remember actually brought relief. The fear I had lived with for so long faded like fog exposed to the warmth of the sun. Secrets and shame are toxic, and the cure cannot work as long as the source is not removed.
There is a freedom from fear and shame. We do not have to live under the weight and slavery of our secret bondage. Christ can set us free from that captivity too, but we must come out of the dungeon and step into the light. I know what my wife has gone through. Are there details I don't know? Absolutely. But I know the hell she has endured. She knows mine. She knows the shame I endured and the hell I have had perpetrated against me, the hell I have poured out on the lives of others and the struggles that make me want to run to God and run my life to ground of the rocks in response to their sirens call simultaneously. We can support and help one another. There is at least one person I have told my secrets to that can counsel and hold me accountable. That person, your person, may not always be a spouse, but a mature and faithful Christian knowing where we are in our walk and what our secret struggles are is a must. We can be set free, but we must be willing to take the steps into the light in order to find it.
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