Unshackled Moments ~ May 27 ~ Beautiful

My wife is attracted to me. She knows more about me than anyone else and sees me on such a close to constant basis that I can't begin to put my best foot forward and hide my mess from her. She still loves me. But this morning I'm thinking more about the exterior than the miracle of her loving the me that dwells in this shell. She is actually attracted to me. Sometimes she'll make a comment about her reaction to the way I looked when she first remembered seeing me, and by that I mean when we connected in this century. She doesn't remember me from junior high and high school, which is probably a good thing. She truly likes the way I look, even now, although I'm sure she would prefer I shave more often so I look less like a scruffy nerd herder.

This may seem like a silly thing to write about, or at least that it has nothing to do with the spiritual and recovery related themes of which I usually write. You may be thinking something along the lines of so what? Your wife finds you attractive. I would hope so. Or isn't that the way it's supposed to work? Perhaps if you know what I look like you agree with her and think I'm at least decent looking or attractive. Perhaps you think she's crazy and love is blind. Yes, maybe the idea is that love is blind, and her love provides a filter which somehow makes her see my physical appearance as better than it is. I sometimes feel like that must be it. But it's not. She liked the way I looked before she knew enough about who I am inside for the inside to somehow overpower the outside. And I have learned, most days, to accept that whatever genetic, cultural and personal programming goes into determining what she finds attractive about men somehow came up with image parameters that I fit within.

The reason that I'm going on about this is that it still surprises me. Every day I feel blessed. I don't get it or understand why or how she finds me attractive, but I'm glad that she does. You see, I've never liked the way I looked. I always wanted to look more like such and such and less like that. Even when I had times where I thought I looked OK and liked some things about my look, I couldn't review myself in a mirror without wishing I could change a few things. Maybe you can relate. I'm afraid that these types of feelings are all too common in our society that is so focused on appearance and body issues plague many.

I fit her image of attractive, and she fits mine. She is beautiful. I love looking at her. And sometimes she  can't grasp that, because she doesn't fit her own image of what is and isn't beautiful in women. She does however fit mine, She has as much trouble at times believing that as I do believing her when she expresses being attracted to me. And it hit me this morning that we go through something similar with God.

God, the creator and maker of all the amazing beauty in the universe, glorious and awe inspiring, desires us, finds us attractive to Him. He calls us into relationship. There is something within us all that recognizes our need for relationship with God, and when we finally get a glimpse of who He is we see the perfect match to everything we find attractive and lovely. But then comes the time for our response. We can't believe someone so beautiful could want us. He says we're lovely and precious and we react instinctively with how wrong He is. He tells us what He sees that is precious and special and attractive to Him, we call up the list of the things we hate about ourselves inside and out. And it breaks His heart.

The truth is that He loves us. The truth is that we are beautiful to Him. And when we can accept that and relax into His desire for us we find ourselves matched perfectly with the One we were made for, the One who will never reject us, cast us away or push us aside. We will discover the love we have needed since birth. But when we continue to deny that we are the treasure to Him that He says, we put up barriers between us and the intimacy of the spirit that we so desperately need.

We were not made to live isolated lives. Human relationships are important and needed. And how we look never disqualifies us for that, because despite what society and media may say, we are not all attracted to the same image. Short, tall, skinny, fat, average, not average, every skin color and variation, every color of eyes and hair, no matter what we look like there is someone that sees that as attractive because of it and not despite it. Some of us, like me, are blessed enough to connect with that person, but whether we do or not, we can connect with the most important relationship. We can answer the call to relationship with Him who made us, who looked upon us as He formed us and said you are wonderful and beautiful to Me.

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