Sometimes I really did enjoy it. Sometimes the guilt and shame and condemnation would hit before the buzz was gone. Afterward would come the dilemma. I knew what I was doing was killing me and destroying my life. I had to quit. I also knew that it was comfortable and fulfilling for a minute or two and I wanted it. I wanted to do it again, or if I didn't, I knew that I would. I would resolve to stop. I determined to do better. I would try to eliminate everything that made me want to return. I might do OK for a day, perhaps a week or two if I really set my mind to it.
Then it all fell apart. The obsession would kick in. I thought of little else than that I wanted to, needed to, was going to partake. Sometimes I didn't even think of the question, should I or not? Instead the thoughts were just obsessing over which shackle to put back on first. It was like being on self-destruct and auto-pilot. Knowing it was wrong didn't help. Knowing it was destroying my life didn't stop me. Knowing I'd feel like a failure and full of shame didn't even slow me down. It seemed to speed it up. I was going to fail sooner or later, so why wait and torture myself fighting a battle I would lose. Just do it and get it over with. The determination to try again to stop tomorrow. After this one. As soon as what I had was gone I wouldn't get more. At the start of the new week, month, year, I would start fresh.
Resolve, relapse, regret. Resolve, relapse, regret, repeat. The cycles of addiction and bondage are pure, uncut hopelessness. If you are in such a place, whether it's chemicals or something else, whether everyone knows or just you and God, whether you're completely beat or still able to function and hide the chains, there is hope.
The cycle can and will be broken, just not by you. If you are hopeless to free yourself, to stop the runaway train before the tracks end and you go over the cliff and fall, then you are in the perfect place to discover the path to freedom. As long as you believe that after the defeat that follows defeat and leads to more defeat you will someday wake with the will, strength and ability to control or stop what is controlling you, the cycle will continue. But if you are hopeless, then there is hope.
If you are hopeless than you can see that you are not able, you can't control, stop or stay stopped. But there is One who is able, who does have the power to restore your life, to set you free and to break the cycle. More than being able, God wants to set you free. He created us to have relationship with Him, but that was messed up by selfishness and sin. We couldn't be good enough, we couldn't do it right, and we couldn't restore our relationship with our Creator any more than we could breath under water or set ourselves free from what bind us. So our Heavenly Daddy sent Jesus, whose life served a specific purpose, to preach good tidings to the poor, to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.
Not only is He able to set us free and make us new and clean, that is His great desire. He wanted to do that so much that He endured the pain of the cross in order to make it possible. He is not only the reason that we can have hope; He is our hope. If we will surrender our life and will to His care, we will find that He is faithful to set us free, to give us a life worth living and to satisfy our souls in a way that everything that brought bondage only promised to and failed.
You don't have to earn His help or deserve it. You don't have to shape up and start living right. You don't have to do anything other than admit that you can't do it and ask Him to help you. All He asks in return is that you love Him and love others. There is hope. Though there is no way that you can regain control on your own, and no one else on earth that set you free, God can and will if you will seek Him and allow Him to do so. From the ashes of misery and hopelessness rise the beauty of hope and a life worth living.
Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments and or listens to the messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions to more people by sharing the Moments and messages that you read or listen to? Hitting the share button instead of or in addition to the like button will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.
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