Leah picked our first film in this theme, Heath Ledger's amazing final film The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, a beautiful and strange fantasy from the Monty Python mind of Terry Gilliam. Last night, I chose our second, The Man Who Wasn't There, an awesome neo noir from 2001 I hadn't managed to see yet. It's black and white, but it received high reviews for its visuals. The movie has enough language to earn it an R rating and one short scene where something inappropriate is hinted at, but the cinematography is as good as advertised. I do not regret watching it or choosing it for my first pick of the visuals, but I won't choose it again for a visual theme.
Still, there were moments when a shot would come on the screen and I would react because it was beautifully shot or the lighting was amazing. I looked, and the lighting didn't win anyone an Oscar, but it should have. These moments, these tiny things scattered here and there throughout a black and white movie made it more visually beautiful to me than a lot of color films. And they also gave me joy. It seems a little silly I guess, but finding beauty in the artistic black and white of a skillfully shot Noir gives me joy.
As I thought about being able to find small doses of joy in odd places and little things, I became grateful for those moments. When I chased joy, lived for pleasure and fun and happiness, all I managed to do was make myself miserable and bring destruction into my life and the lives of others. It didn't work. But last night, I wasn't chasing joy. I simply wanted to share the evening with Leah and see some good cinematography. In fact I thought it might depress me some. Sometimes the black and whites do, because they remind me of dreams I once had that have faded to black.
There was no downside though. I enjoyed my time with Leah and the feel of her head on my chest as we watched the movie. Enjoyed. Yes, I am in joy with her, and I snuggled into that state last night. And I didn't feel loss as we watched but rather grateful for the eyes to see with and the opportunity to appreciate someone else's gifts.
Joy is not hunted, chased down and captured like prey or an escaped prisoner. It is a huge and wonderful gift comprised of a thousand tiny gifts of moments and little things, leading one to another. If we stop at the first one we may not even realize we have found the hidden treasure of joy, but as gratitude for the penny found leads to the next piece and our thankful heart then helps us to see the trail of treasure, small in pieces but magnificent in abundance, joy begins to radiate through our lives.
No, joy is not gone for, grabbed or grasped like gusto. It is not achieved through pursuit. Like peace it is the butterfly that lands on your hand when you're busy appreciating the flower. It is the bubble that brings beauty when observed but bursts when handled. It is a gift of accumulation that comes from God when we are simply walking in His way and appreciating the blessings, talents, gifts, etc. that He has given us. It comes in bites that fill us as we pursue Him first instead of pleasure and comfort and safety and or anything else. Last night I just wanted to appreciate time with and something the wife God gave me, blessed me with, and I share as a common interest. I found joy.
Joy is a result of understanding the riches and blessings that we have in God. It is thankfulness for the little things and the special moments that are possible because of Him. It is found in appreciation for His love and our relationship with Him and all the things they provide, lead to and cause. Joy is a treasure, one of the three great gifts of God. We need it as much as we desire it. But like so many good things it can not be truly found or kept without a thankful heart and it is found as a by-product of relationship. I couldn't find lasting joy when it was my goal, but now that God is my quest and thankfulness my fuel, I have found joy that reaches the depths of my heart and not only the pleasure centers of my brain.
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