Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
- Alcoholics Anonymous p. 62
This is supposed to be a description of the alcoholic before recovery. Trying to run the show of our lives, and imposing our will on life and others due to selfishness and fear causes us to run roughshod over others, they retaliate and we get hurt, causing resentments.for us and them. The same is true for those who are not in recovery who have decided to follow Jesus and can look back at their life before and see their lives ruled by self and characterized by truing to make others conform to their will. In fact, we can easily see this if we look at the description of the person trying to run the play of life themselves instead of letting God be the rightful Director that comes just before the passage I quoted above.
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?
The next sentence is the quote I began with, and while we have surrendered self to find freedom from God and gave Him control and have accepted the call to deny self, take up our cross and follow Jesus, we are not yet made perfect. In truth we know this. We cling to the truth that we are being changed as much as we have been changed, that it is progress and growing in relationship with Daddy that we are called to. As is said in recovery, we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Christians express the same idea when they say, I am not perfect, just forgiven.
It's good to know that Daddy loves us and accepts us, even when we fall short of letting the Spirit have total control and when we fall short of loving God and others as Jesus did. But while we do not need to condemn ourselves for not walking perfectly, we need to remember that when we slip back into self will and try to run the show as Christians who have been set free from bondage and are called to be the love of Jesus to the world, the results are the same as when we tried to direct the play before giving our lives to God. The consequences of playing God in our lives after being freed are the same as before. We step on toes. We hurt others and they retaliate, push back. In fact, the results may actually be worse.
Before others could look at me ans say basically, that stupid drunk junkie hurt my feelings. Now they are more likely to say or think something like, he hurt me by doing such and such, by saying this or that, and he's supposed to be a Christian? Or, even worse,...and he's a preacher?
I must remember that running on self and reacting to fear and insecurity by asserting self and my rights today can do far more damage than before. I still step on the toes of others, but now their reaction may include turning further away from Daddy as much as retaliating against me. We who have decided to follow Jesus need to keep this in mind.
This is especially true in the arena of social media and public debate about circumstances and causes we feel passionately about. It is easy to get caught up in our right to speak freely, express our views and prove the other side wrong. But we are not primarily called to be good citizens. We are celled to be the light of the truth of God, Daddy's ambassadors of love to those who are in need, broken and still held captive. We need to see that feeling like if the other side would just come around to our way of thinking things would be OK, is just an extension of trying to run the show. There's nothing wrong with standing up for what we believe is right, but we must be careful how we assert the truth.
I recently watched a public debate between the porn pastor Craig Gross and porn star Ron Jeremy on the dangers of pornography. Gross was careful not to try to impose his will and belief on others. He was there to warn of the dangers and to speak the good news of freedom in Christ to those who are in bondage to porn addiction, not to try to take away the rights of others to watch porn. Because he wasn't acting paternal and saying this is wrong so I am going to try to legislate away your right to sin, people listened to him. In fact he and Ron Jeremy have become friends while staying at odds on this issue, and who knows what the Spirit will someday be able to do in the life of Jeremy because of it. Had Gross come with a message of restriction rather than proclaiming freedom to choose a better way, the audience would have been less receptive and even seen Jesus in a poor, judgmental light.
It's more than just presenting freedom to choose Christ over bondage though. When we are in self and arguing rather than trying to express truth in love, as the Spirit would and as Jesus did, we argue like, well, like everyone else. So we let fly with anger and insults towards those who oppose our thinking. We treat those who disagree with us like they have no or little value. We say things to make them look or feel stupid. We belittle and demean, while trying to impose our will. This can be seen quickly with a simple scroll through social media whenever topics dealing with politics arise. We need to ask God for the grace not let our fear of losing rights or being treated with insignificance make us react in a way that gives others the feeling that they are unloved and unimportant, because how we treat others is how they feel Daddy feels about them.
Let us not passionately preach conservatism or liberalism or any cause with such abandon that we mistreat the other side, try to force our will on them or attempt to shove our message down their throats. Let us instead, once more surrender self, and, like Paul, say I will proclaim nothing other than Jesus and Him crucified. We need to be declaring the good news that there is a solution, that there is good news for those trapped, broken and in need, and that good news is that Daddy loves them as they are, not as they should be, but that He loves them enough not to leave them as they are and made a way for them to be set free and made new. He never told us to clean up, change our ways and act right. He said come to me those who are burdened and tired and broken and trapped, and I will do the work that needs to be done to make you clean, new and free.
It is OK to have strong beliefs about gun control, the way children and animals are treated, about drugs and drug control, equality and whatever else is important to us, including the Dallas Cowboys and which is better, Star Wars or Star Trek. But it is more important to remember that no issue is more important than the truth that God loves us and gave Himself for us so that we can be healed, restored, freed and brought into relationship with Him and that He loves everyone on every side of every argument and issue. Let us not let the passions of self, how we feel, make us act as though we have the right to treat others as though they have no value, to impose our will on theirs, causing them not only to retaliate but to be unable to see Daddy's love for them through us.
Oh, Daddy, rid us once more of self. Help us to walk in Your love and grace towards others, especially those who disagree with us and devalue us, Let us follow the example of Jesus, laying our lives down for others, even our enemies and those whom we think are wrong, for we were enemies of God and wrong before we were redeemed by Your blood. Let us always remember that the only right that matters is the right for us and others to come freely and boldly to You through Jesus, and let us not use any other rights in such a way as to push people away from You or besmirch Your name. Let even our stands on what is right and our debating be done in a way that brings You glory and speaks of Your great love for us all. Amen.
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