Unshackled Life Ministries: April 2017

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Unshackled Echo ~ April 29, 2017 ~ Motivated By Love

Today's Unshackled Echo was previously published on

June 25, 2013 as Being Motivated By Love

If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

- I Corinthians 13:2

It is easy to slip into the place where we feel the need to flaunt our accomplishments. For some of us who, like the prodigal son, have messed up many times it feels good to finally be doing something right, and we'd love for as many or more people to see our goo an accomplishments as saw the mistakes we made. For others who are more like the prodigal's older brother and have tried to find their value in their works only to find it unfulfilling, the temptation is often to work even harder and make sure people see it.

In Philippians Paul warned those who were proud that they were keeping the law and religious customs. Their works gave them the idea that they were the top of the line, star Christians, but their self-righteousness and better than everyone else attitude caused division in the church. Paul told them to stop rejoicing in their own accomplishments and start rejoicing in the Lord.

Paul encouraged the Philippians and us to stop focusing on things to make us look good and instead live in such a way that people see the love and compassion of Jesus in our lives. He then listed his own accomplishments, which were many, and told how they amounted to nothing compared to the value of knowing Jesus.

There are no star Christians, no class system within followers of Christ. There is only one star, and that is Jesus. Whenever we feel the need to brag about over something we have or have done, the message is clear, don't. As Jesus said, those who do good works for the praise of others have their reward, and it's not enough to fill the empty and give us a true sense of value. Jeremiah put it this way, Let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth, (Jeremiah 9:24).

God looks at our hearts. He looks at the motivations behind our actions. God says obedience to His law of love is worth much more to Him than the sacrifice of following the law of religion. The law and all its do's and don't's put the focus on sin and us rather than on Jesus. God wants us to live love. This is why we are told that if we don't have love we are nothing. If we have everything that religion has to offer and don't have love of relationship then we have nothing. We show our faith not by works of holy acts and doing this or not doing that but by putting the love of God in our lives into action. Showing faith by works flows from love and is a condition of being in relationship with Christ, not by legalistic works or actions where the motivation is only to prove our faith or look good in the eyes of other Christians and religious people.

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Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments, the weekly Unshackled Echo and or listens to the Audio Messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them on social media, commented on the blog or replied to an email subscription. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions and sermons to more people by sharing this? Hitting the share button or forwarding this to a friend will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.

Friday, April 28, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 28, 2017 ~ It's OK To Feel

Feelings suck. Not really, but that's what we seem to believe, and it's how we act. Or maybe I should say negative and uncomfortable feelings suck. Those of us in recovery have a tendency to have trouble with feelings. We spent so much time and energy making sure we didn't feel or didn't feel anything that we didn't want to feel or to change or enhance what we we were feeling that we didn't know how to feel without help. We didn't know how to just feel and endure and go through emotions. And often we didn't even know how to identify how we were feeling. Am I angry or sad or scared or frustrated or what? I know it's not good, it's not how I should feel, but I can't quite describe it or identify it.

And it's not just recovery that gives us issues. Those who aren't in or haven't been in that kind of bondage can have issues as well. Part of the problem comes from society pressure and cultural concepts. A man who cries too quickly or easily or without a darn good reason is seen as week or like something is wrong with them that shouldn't be. Women aren't totally exempt from that either, but they do have a little more leeway than men. And, addict or not, we are living in an instant gratification society. You should feel better right away. If not, if you are sad for more than a very short time, take an anti-depressant for the rest of your life. I'm not knocking psych meds or saying not to take them. There is a time and a place where they may be the way that God helps us, and some may indeed need them for life. But if your father or your dog just died, being sad is the natural response. You don't need a pill. You need to mourn and grieve.

But society and religion say we are supposed to be and look happy. Our lives are supposed to be Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Da and going down the road with a whistle and a song surrounded by singing birds, butterflies and the occasional rainbow and unicorn. Anything less and we feel wrong or defective. Feeling bad or negative emotions means we're not fitting in or complying to the norms. It can make us stand out and draw negative attention. So we wear emotional masks to such an extent that we become dishonest about the way we feel with others, God and even ourselves.

Then, if someone doesn't wear the mask we call them drama queens. Or if we can't force the mask and feel unable to control our feelings we allow ourselves to be identified by them and stay stuck, wallow in that negativity and nurture and feed it rather than just going through that period and moving on. We stuff and stuff and cover up our anger until we can't and we become walking storms blowing through the lives of others and leaving destruction in our wake at the slightest provocation.

We have become so emotionally unhealthy because of trauma, because of the lies of culture and religion, and because we didn't feel unaltered emotions while we tried to fill our God-shaped holes in our spirits and lives with whatever we tried to fill them with. But let us not forget that we are made in the image of God. God has a will. So do we. God has a mind with the ability to think and reason. So do we. God feels. So do we. Jesus got angry and frustrated. Jesus sorrowed and grieved. Jesus felt afraid. Throughout Scripture God is described as having an emotional response to what is happening on earth and with His people. It's OK to feel. It's part of how we are made in the image of God, and some of us are having to learn to feel again and learn to identify those feelings because we've altered them, changed them, covered them, masked them and stuffed them for so long that we don't know how to just feel them. But we can learn. It's part of being honest in relationship with God. It's part of being honest with ourselves and others.

The animals that are the cutest to us are the ones whose eyes are such that they appear to have innocence and a slight sadness to them. If someone truly shows no emotion we instinctively don't like or trust that person. We know better. Emotions are part of life. Sometimes just sitting under a tree watching the clouds drift by and crying through the sadness that we aren't even sure the why or where of is just what we need to do. Because sometimes our emotional mess isn't because of what is going on now but rather because of what we never dealt with, never allowed ourselves to feel, never walked through, grieved, got angry over and moved on from. There is a time to laugh and a time to cry. A time to rejoice and a time to mourn. A time to make peace and a time to make war (a time to forgive and a time to be angry?). There is a time to feel and not run away or not feel we're doing wrong by feeling this way or not getting stuck in that place because we're doing everything to deal with what we're going through other than just going through it.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 27, 2017 ~ Life, The Universe And Everything

Why do bad people go to heaven? They do you know. It happens all the time. And it's the same reason that hopeless drunks and junkies that have done all kinds of evil to satisfy and in the name of their habit can become clean and sober and free of the obsession to drink and drug. It's because God loves them, and you, and thankfully me. That is the answer key to life's serious questions. I may not always know how the answer fits the question, but the answer is God is good, and He loves us.

There is an idea that sci-fi geeks like me are aware of. The answer is 42. The answer to what? The answer to life, the universe and everything. It's from The Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy series of books by Douglass Adams. I first became aware of the first book a little over 30 years ago, in junior high when the one kid in the class more weird and more of an outsider than I was quoted from it in class. People ridiculed and treated him like he was crazy, so he explained that what he'd said came from THGTTG. I couldn't resist checking it out because I had some respect for this kid who had the courage to just be himself and didn't seem to care about what anyone, pretty much everyone including the teachers, appeared to think about him.

I read the books. 42 became a running joke with me. People would say things like can I ask you a question? I'd respond 42, and they'd look at me like huh? But while I knew the answer, it didn't make sense. The books didn't explain it, in fact not understanding it was part of the point. No one I ever talked to had the answer to why that was the answer. It was a joke because we knew the answer, but it rarely seemed to apply to life, the universe or anything, much less everything. Then, a while back, my wonderful wife shared the following with me:

ASCII 42

In programming, an asterisk is commonly used as a sort of "whatever you want it to be" symbol, I've heard it called a wildcard.

ASCII language, the original way that computers run, the most basic computer software, in it, 42 is the designation for asterisk. The GIANT COMPUTER was asked what the true meaning was. It answered as a computer would.

Anything you want it to be.

Now, Douglass Adams swore it was a joke and didn't really mean anything. And there are all kinds of theories floating around the nerd and geek community. But this theory actually made sense and seems like a possibility, although I disagree that the meaning of life can be whatever I want. I tried very hard to make the meaning of life living for self, and it didn't work out too well for me. But I digress. The answer is what fits. Solve for X. It may not even be true, but since I have see this idea, I haven't been able to let it go. The idea of 42 as the answer worked once it made sense how it could be applied.

There are doubts and questions and circumstances and such that make no sense. I don't see how the goodness and love of God applies or makes a difference or even exists in that particular scenario. So, the question doesn't seem to be answerable by the answer. But, much like the 42 thing, it is a matter of it being beyond my understanding. I don't believe exactly the same way and or things that I did even ten years ago. But the core truth, the answer that never changes is that God is good and loves me, and that truth is summed up and demonstrated in Jesus.

I may have confusion or doubt or misunderstanding about some spiritual things, but as long as I hang on to that truth, then I can remain teachable where I may be wrong, I can admit I don't know and understand everything, the idea of a question I can't answer or doubt doesn't have to destroy faith, because it still comes down to I don't know that, but I know God is good and He loves me. I don't see how that works here, but that's because my brain is too limited to see it and grasp it, but one day I'll see how God's goodness and love was the answer to this. And the other side of this coin is that if I'm honest and really look at the core of every religious and spiritual doubt that I have ever had, what I see is under the surface of the question I claim to have is the true question, does God really love me? The real doubt is His love.

When I doubt His love for me, everything else begins to fall apart. My world goes as askew as anything Escher ever drew. When I wake up in Escher's world, I know that somewhere, for some reason, I have begun to question the love of God for me. But no matter how tumultuous or crazy or screwed up the world and life become, I can't be moved or shaken when I'm firmly anchored to the truth of God's love. His goodness and love, especially toward and for me, is why after a quarter century of drinking and drugging I no longer have to or want to do those things. That's why I know that when I die, one more bad person will get to go to heaven and receive the miracle of being transformed into the likeness of Jesus. And, even when I don't get it, it is the true and complete answer to life, the universe and everything.

Joy In Obedience

Dalyn Woodard returns to the series on joy. In the second half of Philippians 2, Paul shows us where our joy is found and some of the things that get in the way. The message, "Joy In Obedience" is about 48 minutes long and was recorded at Nacogdoches Christian Fellowship on Wednesday, April 26, 2017. It's our prayer that you are blessed and ministered to as you listen. If you missed any previous messages in this serious, Part 1, "Pursuit Of Happiness," can be found here, Part 2, "Joy From Loneliness," can be found here. Part 3, "Suffer Well," can be found here, Part 4. "Happy Joy," can be found here. Part 5, " Joy In Facing Death," can be found here, and Part 6, "The Root Of Joy," can be found here. May God bless and keep you.

Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments and or listens to the messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions to more people by sharing the Moments and messages that you read or listen to? Hitting the share button instead of or in addition to the like button will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.

If you would like to have notifications of new Unshackled Moments and messages sent to you via email, send an email to dalynwoodard@mail.com requesting to be added to the list. You can also follow Dalyn Woodard (@Dalynsmsings) on Twitter or Unshackled Life Ministries on Facebook.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 26, 2017 ~ Ode To Joy

The Ode To Joy is the final section, the close of Beethoven's Ninth and last symphony. It's also one of my all time favorite classical compositions. I love it. I also love what Henry J. van Dyke did with it around 80 years later, using the music for his Hymn of Joy, aka Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee. I'm not sure which, Beethoven's Ode To Joy or Dyke's hymn they were intending those of us in attendance at my friend's funeral yesterday to associate with the music being played at the end of the service, but it made me smile. I'd never heard this music at a funeral before, but I loved it. Some may have heard Beethoven, some my have heard the lyrics to the hymn, but either way or both, they heard a message of joy. I have added it to the list of music I want played at my funeral.

But the idea of rejoicing at a service like that is not about pretending or forcing away grief and mourning, and joy and sadness are not always mutually exclusive. That may be part of why I love these songs so much. I have always found Ode To Joy an anthem of hope in a hard world. Beethoven had gone completely deaf by the time he began his ninth symphony and never heard a single note of one of the most beautiful, amazing and inspiring compositions of all time. What a nightmare. Can you imagine the misery and frustration? Your whole life is music. It's your identity, your livelihood, your worth and your reason, and then you go deaf. It's not a reason to rejoice. It's a reason to give up and die, or at least cry. And yet, he took seven years of struggle to write this symphony and even directed its debut, although he could not know or control if the musicians were playing what he intended the way he intended. It's not joy in place of sadness and misery, but joy mixing with and triumphing over, just coming out slightly on top of them.

And the hymn?

Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee,

God of glory, Lord of love;

Hearts unfold like flow’rs before Thee,

Op’ning to the sun above.

Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;

Drive the dark of doubt away;

Giver of immortal gladness,

Fill us with the light of day!

All Thy works with joy surround Thee,

Earth and heav’n reflect Thy rays,

Stars and angels sing around Thee,

Center of unbroken praise.

Field and forest, vale and mountain,

Flow’ry meadow, flashing sea,

Singing bird and flowing fountain

Call us to rejoice in Thee.

Thou art giving and forgiving,

Ever blessing, ever blest,

Wellspring of the joy of living,

Ocean depth of happy rest!

Thou our Father, Christ our Brother,

All who live in love are Thine;

Teach us how to love each other,

Lift us to the joy divine.

Mortals, join the happy chorus,

Which the morning stars began;

Father love is reigning o’er us,

Brother love binds man to man.

Ever singing, march we onward,

Victors in the midst of strife,

Joyful music leads us Sunward

In the triumph song of life.

These words were inspired by majestic mountains and a heart filled with praise at a time of fear. The world was on the edge of war, and everyone was speaking and feeling doom. World War 1 was right around the corner and many had little hope. There wasn't a lot to be or feel joyful about in the minds of most. There surely wasn't a lot of brotherly love binding people. And yet, this has become one of the most famous and well known hymns, along with Amazing Grace. It's a prayer asking for the ability to love one another and producing that feeling of the sun bursting through the dark storm clouds.

Joy comes from love, and since nothing can separate us from Daddy's love and the love of Christ and the love of the Spirit within us, nothing can separate us from joy, not sadness, not even death. But that doesn't mean sadness won't be there. That doesn't mean there won't ever be a time or reason for grief and for mourning. There is, and there will be. There will be time of suffering and of loss. There will be times when life is hard and does not go the way we'd like. There will be times when we lose people, gifts and abilities, health, and things that mean everything to us, but we don't have to lose our relationship with Daddy. We can run to Him, even when life doesn't make sense, especially when life doesn't make sense, and we can rejoice in His love for us, even when life stays hard, even as it's falling apart, even when the healing doesn't come. When we walk through the Valley of the Shadow we can do so without fear because He is with us, not because He always makes the shadow go away.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 25,2017 ~ The Next Right Thing

I didn't sleep well or much last night. I've been awake for hours, well, I dozed some, but mostly I have been awake. I didn't get up this morning like I normally do when I can't sleep. I didn't get up and get a head start on the day or start working on the long list of things that I need to do. In fact, I actually stayed in bed longer that I normally do. I tried thinking about what I plan to preach tomorrow night, and I thought some about what I could write for today's Moment (this wasn't on the list of ideas).

But mainly I just stayed in bed and thought about how I didn't want to get up. I tied to evaluate my lethargy and lack of motivation. I didn't want to get up or write anything. I don't want to go to the jail to visit with the two guys I need to see there, whom I told I would come this week. I don't want to work on my message for tomorrow, because I don't really want to preach. I don't feel like doing anything. It's not just ministry stuff I don't have any desire to do, it's anything and everything except being lazy with Leah.

I'm really not sure where this came from or why, but I've been on this downward spiral since Sunday. It's hard to talk about for two reasons. First, I don't know. I have no answers or explanations. I can't say what's wrong because I simply don't know. And that in itself is frustrating. The second reason is more foolish. You don't ever hear about or read writing from ministers who don't want to minister, or do chores, or help anyone, or socialize or listen or talk or anything. Preachers put forth this image of having all the answers and having it all together and rarely admit to struggle or doubt or confusion or weakness. But I'm not that kind of minister. I have THE ANSWER, His name is Jesus, but I don't have all the answers, nor do I always know how to apply Him to my need. I know to turn to Him rather than away. I've learned that one from experience, but I don't know how to snap out of it, to lift the funk, or make everything instantly better.

They will know that we are followers of Christ by our love. It's not because we can quote scripture or pray well or write or preach or give good advice or don't do things off of society or religion's naughty list, or dress a certain way or anything else but love. Love God and love others. That's how we know we are His. But what I am grateful for this morning is that love is an action, not just emotion. I don't feel very loving right now. I don't really want to see anyone except Leah. I don't want to reach out and show love to anyone or to serve or help anyone. What I want to do is be selfish and wallow. Just being honest. But it isn't about what I want.

I took a nap Sunday and slipped into soul sucking terror. Seriously, I can't remember what I dreamed about, but it was rough. I know that I have nightmares pretty regularly and rarely sleep well, but this felt different. For one thing, I couldn't wake up. I only remember one flash from it, and that was something literally siphoning off something from me. I woke with dream hangover, dragging. I could barely make myself go feed the animals. It's like I have been moving in slow motion for days. I have done the bare minimum, even skipping my meeting last night because I just didn't feel like going. It's ridiculous to think that emotion reaction and leftovers from a dream two days ago is still draining and effecting me, but perhaps.

There is also the sadness from the loss of someone who has helped me a lot over the past nine years and who I cared about and respected greatly. I heard the news of the death of this special woman, this respected elder who was among the first to make feel I had a place in the rooms despite my past, Saturday, and it caught me be surprise and gut punched me. Her funeral is this afternoon, and I don't want to go, but I wouldn't miss it. I want to say goodbye to woman who taught me so much, including that it is possible to walk through a crap storm without getting any on you. That's important. We tend to think that we're always supposed to be able to quiet the storms or avoid them or make them go away if we have faith, but sometimes the greatest act of faith is trusting God and continuing through the day in His will while the storm continues to rage. The storm is not a sign that you're out of God's will, living wrong, don't believe or don't have enough faith. It's a sign that the effects of the curse still exist and we live in a broken, fallen world with crap storms. But we don't have to get covered in it. We don't have to wallow in it. We don't have to embrace it or give up the journey just because we're struggling to see the sun or the Son.

I didn't learn that from a preacher. I learned it from a straight talking lady who had been sober for about as many decades as I drank and drugged. I learned it from a woman who had the respect of the wealthy and influential and old families in this old East Texas Town and who cold hobnob with the business people and at the same time was well-liked and respected and known by the low, the fallen, and the gutter crawlers like me, because she never took her freedom and left the captives behind. She faithfully, for three decades, continued to go into the rooms and give back to the people, and especially the women, who came in behind her. She sat in her spot with a cigarette in her hand and the truth on her tongue and told it like she saw it, lived it and believed it.

She's still helping me. Her voice finally got me up and going and being transparent and honest with what I am sharing today. It's hard sometimes to know what we are supposed to do, what is the will of God. LaDonna knew about that too. She used to say that she didn't always know what God's will was, but she usually knew what it wasn't. She knew it wasn't God's will for her to be hateful, selfish or drunk. So she would try not to do those things, pray and ask for guidance, an intuitive thought about what to do, and just do the next right think in front of her. That's what helped me get up this morning. I kept hearing her say it's not God's will for you to wallow. It doesn't matter if it's raining crap or what you do or don't feel like doing. Do the next right thing. The next right thing for me this morning was to do what I've been told to do, write this, and not pretend to have it all together when I don't, but be transparent about the struggle so that when the storm has finally passed God can have even more glory.

We never graduate. We never become so spiritually fit that we know everything and have instant access to all the solutions and comforts and life becomes easy and full of rainbows and unicorns. Life is hard at times. We struggle. Sometimes we don't feel like doing anything. Sometimes we don't feel like taking care of or serving others or our responsibilities. We just want to take a break from the world. We want to indulge self. We want the cup to pass from us without pain, misery, fear or death. But it doesn't always work that way. The next right thing is to die to self, to leave self crying in the garden while we say not my will but Yours to Daddy and rising up and continuing through whatever struggle and or pain and or whatever else uncomfortable we are going through for the next few minutes or the next few days or for however long it takes.

That's love. Love isn't hearts and candy and being blissfully unaware in a cocoon of two as the world around us goes to hell. Love is saying it doesn't matter what self wants, it doesn't matter how I feel, I'm going to use the power God gives me (grace) to do what I know I am supposed to do, to do what is right and right in front of me and to not do what I know I shouldn't. I don't know what else I need to do, but that's enough for now. I'll just keep doing that until the storm ends, and I'll come out the other side clean instead of in another mess caused by indulging self, covered in crap. I'll be able to look up and see the Son shining down on me and see the signs that He was always there, behind the clouds. Thank you LaDonna. A friend said that you taught him to pray, and I can't imagine a better eulogy or remembrance than that, unless it was showing us how to get up and love and do even when you don't feel like it.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 24, 2017 ~ Besties

I see memes all the time that say things about friendship along the lines of sometimes best friends don't talk for a while because things get busy or life gets in the way, but when you finally get together it's like no time has passed. You catch up and you laugh and click together like you've never been apart. That's special. Part of me agrees with these friendship sayings and memes. I know it's true. I experience it from time to time with my best friend and his family, because Leah and I aren't able to get to down to see them very often these days. I also know it's true because I witnessed it this weekend.

Leah's best friend and her Goddaughter came to visit us. They hadn't seen each other in about a decade, but you never would have believed it by observing their interaction. There was just a connection and a comfort level that screamed close friends.

But these types of situations and quotes and memes about friendship sometimes make me feel a bit guilty. Time, distance, health, and finances have gotten in the way and kept me from spending as much time as I used to with my best friends. Leah and I used to go see them regularly, and now we don't. I have a friend I have been wanting to meet up with for as long as Leah and I have been together so they can meet, we've talked about it, but never have done it....and we live in the same town. It's crazy. Sometimes there are legitimate things that get in the way, but if I'm honest, sometimes I'm just a bad friend. I know we'll pick up where we left off so I put time together off because I don't feel like sacrificing the time with Leah, or it's a hassle to rearrange my schedule, or some other excuse. And that's fine at first, and then a little while turns into a couple of years since I have seen one of my best fiends, and I feel too guilty about being selfish to just show up and say hi.

I know that if I just get over myself and visit though, that it'll be hugs and laughter and forgiveness for time lost, oh, and coffee and catching up. When I stop worrying about how I may have messed things up and just do what I know I need to do to be the friend I should be, there will be no gaps, no having to earn anything, and no groveling. I'm sorry it's been too long. It's my fault. I missed you, but I got caught up in my own stuff and let life get in the way. Now, what's been going on with you?

And then I think about how Jesus said He is a friend who is closer than a brother. I call my best friend, Clint, my brother, as he does me. His children call me Uncle Dalyn, and his wife is my sis-in-law, even though he's not related to me by blood. Sometimes family is friendship that runs deeper than the relations we're born into. So I understand this idea of a friend who is closer than a bother. Clint doesn't like to text. I hate to talk on the phone. So we don't communicate as frequently as we could. He lives about an hour away, and we don't get to see each other often. But when we do it's just like it's been for nearly 40 years. and if one of us needs to talk, or needs help, it doesn't matter how long it's been. We're there for each other.

When I talk to him, I don't grovel and beg him to forgive me for not calling in a month, nor does he. I don't try to earn the right to have his attention or prove myself, and neither does he. It's usually something like, sorry it's been a while. Been crazy. What's up with you? Or Dude, have you seen the trailer for the new Star Wars movie? Or.... And we're off and running, or rather laughing and talking like we haven't missed any time together. Yes, there is that aspect of if we're such good friends how did the gap that doesn't effect things happen in the first place? Well, sometimes life happens. But that's not the point.

The point is we don't have to prove ourselves to those besties. We don't have to force things, or pretend or feel awkward or whatever just because we haven't spent the time together we should have or could have or would have liked to. But then, if Jesus is a friend who is closer than a brother, why do we treat Him differently than we do our best friends?

We get caught up in ourselves or our lives and suddenly we realize that we've let our relationship with Jesus slide some. We haven't been spending the time and doing the things that we need to in order to have and increase our conscious contact with Him. We haven't been talking and visiting and just chilling together. Now here's where, if it's that best friend relationship we would simply reach out and go, Hey, sorry it's been too long. Missed you! Let's talk. We would approach with confidence that we would be accepted and not judged. There might be some slight nervousness or guilt over letting things slide or letting life get in the way, or wondering if things have changed, but that would be gone in less than a couple of minutes. So why aren't we like that with Jesus?

We approach groveling. I blew it. I'm so sorry. We try to earn favor or attention or the right to come into His presence. We bargain and promise not to blow things off again. We act as though spending time with Him is obligation rather than desire. That's not a friendship. He is King. He is Lord. He is our Master. But He made it a point to call Himself our friend. He wants us to come to Him like He's that friend that's not just family but closer than family. He doesn't want us to come begging and scraping and bargaining and trying to appease. We don't have to try to be good enough, we don't have to try to make up for the time we lost, we don't have to try to excuse or justify or beg for forgiveness. We can just decide it's time to get back in touch and reach out. He's not the Wizard of Oz that we can't approach. He's our loving Creator and our true best friend. Hey Jesus, what's up? I missed you. Let's hang out today.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Mountain Top Moments

Wally Flynt on the only time with God and living on Holy ground. The message, Mountain Top Moments, is about 7 minutes long and was recorded at Nacogdoches Christian Fellowship on Sunday, April 23, 2017. It's our prayer that you are blessed and ministered to as you listen. May God bless and keep you.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Unshackled Echo ~ April 22, 2017 ~ Escaping Being Overwhelmed

Today's Unshackled Echo was previously published on

June 24, 2013 as Escaping Being Overwhelmed

I will cry to you when my heart is overwhelmed

-Psalm 61:2

Even as Christians we can feel overwhelmed by life. It happens to all of us. The weight of what is going on in our lives and everything that we need to get done can begin to crush us. It's easy to ignore the signs of being overwhelmed by just excusing them by thinking that life in today's world is hard and full of pressure, but there is nothing new about stress and hard times. We are not unique. A couple of millennia ago Jesus told his disciples straight up that we will face hardships and tribulation in the world. Even before Christ spoke on earth King David wrote numerous psalms expressing fears and anxiety.

There are situations in our life and in the world that are out of control and beyond our ability to fix. There is so much pressure and anxiety in life that at times we may feel like we can't even think about it. It's scary to feel overwhelmed and like we're drowning. It's hard sometimes to admit we don't have it all together. But here's a secret to encourage us, Jesus is the only person who ever walked this earth who had it all together. You don't. I don't. And we never will this side of eternity.

Jesus experienced anguish and fear on the cross because He voluntarily went through those things on our behalf and so that He would experience what we experience. He loves us so much and is so moved with compassion by our overwhelmed condition. Throughout His life on earth scriptures are filled with examples of Jesus being moved with compassion for the hurting and overwhelmed. That compassionate heart of Christ has not changed, and today that love and compassion is directed to you and me.

We are not unique or alone in feeling overwhelmed by life, and we need to realize that. It doesn't make us bad or mean we're failing. It means we're not God. After we see the need we need to cry out to God for help. Psalm 61:2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, God is our rock, our salvation. When the waves of life are washing over us, we need higher ground, and finding our way to that safe place is not in using our will to change our attitude or by deceiving ourselves with pleasant sounding positing things about the fact that we're drowning. Getting there is a result of the Lord leading us to safety. The solution is not in we ourselves but in the shelter of the Rock upon which everything is built.

Psalm 61 goes on to say For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever, I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. We should be able to look back over our lives and see instances where God has been a shelter to us. If we can't see them, we can ask God to show them to us, because if we're alive then there have been times that the state of living has only continued because God had our back. God has been our defense, protected us from danger and enemies. He has watched over us and sheltered us in the past. And because God's nature doesn't change, we can know that He will continue to be our shelter in the present when we run to Him instead of attempting to protect ourselves from the storm.

So how do we find peace? What about when we can remember times of help from God but still can't shake the fear that we are drowning now? Isaiah 26:3 says, You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed (anchored). God's love is unconditional but His blessings often are not. Here the blessing of peace is tied to the condition of anchoring our mind on Christ. We need to anchor our hearts and mind on Jesus. The Lord keeps His promises, and here we are promised that if we turn our eyes on Him and off the waves then we can have peace in the midst of the storm.

But sometimes that's difficult and before we realize it we've quit looking to God and started looking at everything that we need and the overwhelming truth that it isn't possible for us to meet that need. Our anchor has been moved and we are cast about on the waves, afraid and out of control. What then? First we can reanchor our hearts and minds like David did when he was afraid and overwhelmed, but praising God for His faithfulness and His loving kindness towards us. Gratitude and praise diverts our focus away from our problems and onto the One who is able to meet the needs that we are facing. This brings peace, but if we stay focused on the problems and put our energy into trying to keep the waves of the ocean from rising and falling we'll be overwhelmed by them.

Sometimes we get our attention so set on the problem that we forget the simple truths of God that we know. It may seem silly, but it's not. We all do it. And it always leads to fear, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. One of the things that is so easy to forget when the waves are crashing all around and over us is that prayer has a gate we can go to enter the presence of God, whenever we need to or want to.

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all you lands.

Serve the Lord with gladness. Come before His presence with singing.

Know that the Lord , He is God. It is He that has made us, and not we ourselves;

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving. And into His courts with praise.

Be thankful to Him and bless His holy name.

For the Lord is good. His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations.

-Psalm 100

This chapter, especially verse 4 (Enter in.....bless His name.) is more than beautiful lyrics to an ancient song. They are a call to rise from our fears, tears, and anxieties and look to the Lord who loves us. It isn't always easy. If it were we wouldn't forget to do it so often, but if we fill our minds, hearts, and mouths with praise to God, we'll find ourselves walking through the gates into His presence, even as the storm rages around us.

We can't easily or fully concentrate on two things at once. So it stands to reason that speaking praises to God will distract us from and displace some of the darkness that is threatening to overwhelm us. But if it is nothing more than that, then it won't last longer than any tactic in the power of positive thinking tool box. But more importantly it works because God says in Him is peace and freedom. Praise takes us into God's presence and connects is to Him. It strengthens our faith. It doesn't bring peace to us by clouding or distracting our mind. It takes us spiritually out of the storm and into the place the storm can't go and where peace is, the presence of God.

Praising God as the storm blows is an act of faith. It is taking action based on deciding to believe that what God says is true, even when our circumstances make it feel or look like it isn't or might not be in this particular case. God knows what we're going through and what we're facing. We need to remember that and trust Him, step forward in faith, praising Him for His faithfulness and the ways He has proven Himself in our lives. Enter into His courts with thanksgiving or gratitude and praise. We need to give up our right to be angry about our situation. We can and need to approach the Lord as a hurting and scared child seeking a comforting parent. And the God of peace will make His love real for you and crush the enemy under His feet.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 21, 2017 ~ Thrown Stones

If people throw stones at you, pick em up and build something.

- Lecrae‏

At first glance this might seem like cheesy positive thinking of the if life hands you lemons, make lemonade variety. It sounds good and tells you to do something positive with the negative, I guess if delivered right it can be inspirational, but there's not much substance. Lemonade is more than just lemon juice. If you don't know how to make it, telling you to just do it, doesn't help much. Pick up the stones and build something? Do I look like an engineer?

But I'm being a bit of a negative jerk because I'm tired. This quote caught my attention for a reason. So instead of just writing it off as another meme worthy cliche, I decided to spend a little time thinking about what it means and why it struck a note with me this morning.

What does it mean to throw stones or to have stones thrown at you? Well, there was a time, when that quite literally meant exactly what it sounds like. When one was judged guilty of a crime against society or faith the crowd would drag them to the outskirts of town and throw big rocks at the person until they killed them. It wasn't as long and painful as crucifixion, but it was still an execution. So the first thing to remember when on the subject of throwing stones is that what we are saying when we accuse someone of throwing stones is you're killing me, painfully.

Although there are still places in the world where this happens, it's not common in most areas. For the most part, no one is walking around with a stone in their hand waiting for a chance to hurl it. We don't have piles of rocks on the outskirts of our cities and towns in case someone gets out of line. Our stones are words, and are slingshots are the tongue. We are far more quick and deadly accurate with that weapon than we are with our throwing arm. And come on, that lie we were told when we were children, and most likely passed on to some child after we learned the falsehood of it has hurt almost as much as the throwing of stones. You know the one I mean. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. What a load! Words hurt. They kill. And all that little saying does is teach children to shove the pain down and pretend they're fine when they're not. Let's be honest and encourage others to be honest as well. Words have done more damage to us than we care to admit, the words of others, the words we imagine others think and say, the words we accuse and cut ourselves with, the words we put in the mouth of God.

There are a few different shapes and sizes of stones we throw. Yes, we. You've done it. I've done it. And we've had it done to us. We may not have chucked every example, we may have our favorite, the one that fits most naturally in our hand, but we have all tossed a stone or two. Wait, this isn't what this Moment is supposed to be about! The quote is about when others throw stones at us, not about me throwing stones at them! Yeah, we'll get there. But first, let's take a look at the plank in our eyes before we try to mess with the speck in someone else's.

Where was I? Oh, right...a few different shapes and sizes of stones we throw. There's the put down and put them in their place rocks. When we think someone feels they are or is better than us, there is nothing we like more than to tear them down. We feel inferior, so we raise our own esteem by lowering the esteem of others in our eyes, in their eyes and in the eyes of others with our words. We tear them down any way we can, and we don't always care if there is some exaggeration or flat out lying involved. And these stones are very similar in shape to the ones that seek the outcasts and lepers as targets. The ones who don't fit into the neat little peg holes of society, the ones that don't measure up, the ones who can't or won't conform to the norm, these make easy targets to tear down even more, which has the two-fold effect of making us feel better about ourselves by pointing out that at least we're not as messed up or as bad as they are, and it provides distraction. Distraction? Yes, distraction. If I'm throwing stones at you and keeping you as a target in the eyes of my fellow hurlers, they are less likely to realize that I make a nice target as well.

There's also stones of blame. Keep people trained on the mistakes and failures of others so that they don't see our own. Or shift responsibility of our own mistakes to someone else. This is the oldest stone to throw. Adam tossed one at both God and Eve in the garden. The woman You gave me....it's her fault for giving me the fruit and Your fault, God, for giving me her, I'm not to blame. Everything wrong with us becomes someone else's doing, someone else's responsibility. And the weight of blame, justified or not, can kill us. Those stones are heavy and make it hard to breathe as they pile up on our chests. And what do I mean by justified? None of us are blameless. There are stones of blame that hit us because we are responsible and guilty. Not every stone thrown at me has been undeserved. That's probably true of you as well, and we all know we felt most of the ones we threw were well deserved.

And the stones of shame may be the sharpest. You're not good enough. You never have been. You never will be. You're unloved and unacceptable. You're stupid and ugly inside and or out. You are worthless and unwanted. Because of who you are or were or have been or have done or whatever, you are less than. The worst part about the stones of shame is that when others throw them at us, we have a tendency to pick them up, throw them high into the air so that they fall hard and fast back down upon us. We tend to do more damage to ourselves with these missiles than anyone else, or at least help them out. And then we try to relieve the pain by passing it on to another. One rock for you and one for me, I have two hands after all, and we just throw and throw stones of shame until no one can look anyone in the eye for fear of becoming a target.

So first, let us see that we throw stones and why. We throw them to distract and take the target off ourselves. We throw them to make us feel and look better. We throw them because we feel superior and righteous. We throw them to belong and to point out others who belong less than we. We throw them because we aren't loving. Remember where most of this discussion of throwing stones comes from? It's from the story in the Bible where the woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus, He told those there to cast a stone if they themselves were without sin, and then, after the accusers left, He forgave her. No one said she was innocent. Jesus forgave her. But she was caught in the act. She was guilty. Sometimes we are too. Sometimes our targets are. But when we defend ourselves for throwing stones by claiming truth, we are forgetting the truth that the only blameless one who had the right to throw and never be a target Himself, forgave, loved and took our target upon Himself. We are forgetting that if everyone who deserved a stone tossed their direction got it, no one would be left standing to throw. Let us forgive and love like Jesus. Let us build up instead of tearing down. Let us drop our rocks and restore rather than exercise our right to fulfill the judgment of the law.

But what about the quote? What about when we are being pummeled? Then build something with stones. Build what? How about a path to refuge? We can let those stones become a road that no matter what the terrain or the weather can provide a way to a life worth living for ourselves and others. It is our past, the word of our testimony, our experience, strength and hope that says this is the blame that was mine but is now gone. I did that but that is not who I am. Shame is wrong because I am loved and valued by God and so are you. I may be unacceptable to some, but God made me for a purpose to reflect a particular part of Himself to those who may never see it otherwise. He accepts me and loves me as I am, not as I should be. The stones that are lies don't have to hit their target anymore we use the shield of the truth of what God says about us. And the ones that are true? The ones that show our weaknesses show His strength, faithfulness and forgiveness. When we lift Him up and give Him glory, then when people throw stones our way, they only make a path for others to see the way to life. The stones don't have to kill us, they don't have to cause us to kill ourselves, they don't have to inspire us to hurl at others, but they can be used to take us closer to Daddy and to bring comfort and benefit to others.

This is what some say about me, but this is what God says. This is what I was caught in the act of, but also what God is able to and desiring to forgive because of His great love for me. This is my inability to belong, to fit in, to conform, and this is how the God of the universe showed me that I fit right into His arms and His plans. This is what I became and felt like I was because of all I had done and the weight of shame I carried, but this is also where God gave me a new name and a new definition that shame couldn't touch. All these stones hurled at me? Sometimes even by myself? They aren't killing me any more. I found a refuge from them. Here's the road. It leads to Jesus and a cross. You can walk it as much as I. It's made of stone, and it's covered in blood. It calls for death, but it is the way to life, life worth living so great that it can be given away without losing anything.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 20, 2017 ~ A New Way

There is a saying in recovery, you must act your way into right thinking and not think your way into right acting. It's one of those sayings that is both absolutely true and easy to ignore. Because though it is true, we often instinctively try to do just the opposite. I know I did for years, and sometimes still do.

For some reason I have tried repeatedly to change my behavior through controlling my thoughts. I would go through my day, almost on auto-pilot, doing the same things, the same actions, as always and then try to bend my thoughts to control my actions when temptation hit. It doesn't work. I've been thinking about this off and on for a couple of days now.

Why? Because two days ago Facebook showed me a memory from seven years ago on April 18, 2010. I posted that I was two days sober and still hungover. I felt so grateful that I never had to do this to myself again. I have a vague recollection of this nightmare. I got bad drunk, as in alcohol poisoning trashed and had a moment of clarity that I was killing myself...again. I swore it off. I would get sober again. I knew what to do. I had done it before and had 15 months clean and sober before I relapsed. I was right in thinking that I never had to go through such pain and self destruction again, but I was wrong in thinking that I wouldn't. I wanted to quit again. I needed to. I was hurting. And yet, my sobriety date is not in April. I didn't get sober for another month after this post.

I tried to think my way into different action. But nothing worked until I ignored the conflicting thoughts racing through my messed up mind and dove into the actions that I had done before that resulted in sobriety. As I put in the work, did the action, regardless of whether or not I thought it would help, work or made sense, my mind began to clear and my thoughts began lining up with the actions I was taking.

It hit me this morning that Jesus understood this. He said that those who wanted to be His disciples must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow Him. I use this often. It's one of my favorite passages of what it means to follow Jesus and have new life. We must deny self because selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of our spiritual problems that bear the fruits of addictions, sin and separation from God. Even more, we have to embrace the death of self, take up our cross. And we have to follow in His footsteps, do what He did, namely surrender to the will of our Heavenly Daddy, love Daddy and love others.

But this morning I saw a little deeper. What are we doing by denying self? We are refusing to give audience or attention to our own thoughts and will. Who I am is wrapped up in what I think. It is my thoughts that define my self. Jesus didn't say to follow Him is to control my self or redirect my thoughts. He said deny self. Reject self. Ignore the screaming in my mind and the messed up thinking that I know doesn't work but still can't stop trying on my own. When the thoughts continue to try to intrude, I bring in the cross, self you are dead to me, it is no longer I that live but Christ in me, and I don't have to do what I think is best or will work or even want any more. Then, instead of changing my thinking, I follow Jesus, I do what He did.

Daddy, I'm hurting and afraid and I can't quiet my mind. I want to do things my way. I want to do what I've always done and hope for a different and better result. I want to manipulate reality to bring more comfort and ease. But I surrender trusting that Your way is better. Not my will but Yours. Help me to do the next right thing, help me to love You and love others, help me to do Your will as I rise up from here to continue with my day.

This is not a thought process. It is an act. An act of surrender. An act of prayer and connection with Daddy. As we act in accordance with surrender and by grace do what is right, loving God and others, our thoughts become transformed from selfish to spiritual. By spiritual thinking I mean that I begin wanting what He wants, I begin desiring to do what He desires for me. And I begin loving who and the way He loves because it isn't my self that's doing it but the love and power of the Spirit acting through me.

I can not make my thoughts obedient or loving. I can't make my self want to do what's right and have that direct my actions into what is right. But I can surrender to the point of death to self, even ignoring when my thoughts, the ghost of self, are continuing to run contrary to what I need to do. By giving the Spirit control rather than trying to control self, I am given the power to act differently than my natural inclinations and thoughts. And as my actions change, my thinking changes to line up with the new way of doing things.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 19, 2017 ~ Restoring The Well

I remember once seeing this round hole in a field that was filled with rocks and some of the nastiest looking water. Mud puddles that don't last long aren't that bad, but small bodies of stagnate water get really bad. They smell of rot and death. The water feels slimy and gross. I can't describe how the water tastes, but I'm fairly certain it would be a seriously bad idea to drink it. The water in the hole was like that. Stinky, slimy and sure to make you sick.

I really thought that the best thing to do would be to get some dirt and finish filling the hole in around the rocks so that it could no longer collect water. Then, I thought, the grass could grow over that spot and it would no longer be a stinky, muddy mess. But the farmer I was helping said that wouldn't work. Why? Because the water wasn't collecting in the hole from rain. It was coming in from below. There were underground spring of cool, pure water that filled the hole. It didn't look too pure to me. But the farmer explained that the bad water wasn't about the water but what was in it. As the pure water came up through the trash in the hole it became polluted and poisonous.

So we went to work, pumping out the sludge, removing rocks and half-rotten brush, cleaning out everything from the hole. It took a while, and the process had to be done more than once before the water sitting in the well was no longer nasty. But when it was done, I found out the farmer was right. The water was cool, clear and tasty. The same spring had always fed that well, since it'd been dug. The water was never bad. The well had just gotten filled with trash that polluted it.

Our lives are like that well. It's not that we're worthless and nasty, no matter what it may look or feel like. It's just that we get polluted. If we try to ignore the past, it only gets worse, more slimy and stinky. To stagnate is to die. Covering it up won't work either, because eventually what's down there will make its way to the surface and make a mess out of what we tried to cover it with.

There is something else to keep in mind with the analogy also. The well did not, could not, clean itself out. We can't clean ourselves out any more than the well could. But we can choose to surrender to the One who can cleanse and restore us to who we were created to be. We can't change the past, and trying to is a futile waste of effort. But we can take the toxicity out of it. The poisons of shame and resentment can be removed like rocks and debris that are blocking the flow and filling the water of our souls with rot. The more of we clear out of the way, the more the Living Water can fill us with clear, pure, refreshing life-giving purpose.

We no longer have to be that dangerous and nasty obstacle in the middle of a field. Our story can be that we were created to be life-givers but got messed up and polluted. You wouldn't believe how toxic and nasty it got. But the One who made us did an awesome work, cleaned out the debris and the stones, pumped out the water that had been polluted and refilled us with new, living water, and continued to repeat this process until what was there was beautiful, clear, refreshment that was the most valuable part of the property.

Don't feel like your past makes you worthless, whether you've been poisoned and polluted by your choices, or by the choices of others, or by both. None of us were created to be stinky and slimy death. That is the unfortunate by-product of separation from our Creator. But no matter what, He can make us new, cleanse us, restore us and give us a purpose. We can be refreshing life-givers instead of the mess we see, He will do the work, we just need to give Him our heart.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 18, 2017 ~ No Peace Or Know Peace

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

- p. 83-84 Alcoholics Anonymous

So begins the section of what is referred to as The Promises, but is really only a handful of promises made for those who work the spiritual steps to recovery. There are quite a few others scattered throughout the book, and I have found the promises have come true for me, or at least mostly true, most of the time.

Still, sometimes circumstances are rough, difficult or, at the very least, uncomfortable, because of mistakes we've made. Sometimes it's just life. Most days I am happy and feel free. Others not so much. I have few regrets these days, but the past is an image with two, at least, possibilities.

Sometimes I see the frog in the pond. Other times I see the horse. Sometimes I see one, then the other, and then even both at the same time. There are times when I, without shame or fear, can proclaim that I messed up to the point of spending seven and a half years in prison. The past doesn't hold me. It is the word of my testimony that is combined with the blood of the Lamb that defeats the enemy. It is my experience that can benefit others. I'm grateful that I am no longer where I once was or who I was, and I am grateful that the crap I've done and been through isn't just stinky waste any more but can fertilize growth and new life in both myself and others. It is because of this that I am not ashamed of my story. It's not simply airing my dirty laundry to talk of drinking and drugging and pain and misery and overdoses and suicide attempts and dead friends and destroyed relationships and prison bars and all that goes with all of it. It's not foolish pride in being bad either. It's a simple understanding that it is my weakness that shows He is strong. It is my slavery that allowed Him to demonstrate His deliverance. My failure showed off His faithfulness. And everything about me that made me unlovable, worthless, seen as less then, simply shows that He really does love us all. If He could love me at my worst, I promise there is nothing in you that would make you unlovable to Him.

My past is a nice before and after. There is the life of misery and pain, both to myself and others, that was all about me. There was no one around me that I didn't hurt and damage, some very badly. There was almost no line I wouldn't cross, and I've been places that most people would never go, even drunk or high, and done things that should never have been done. But most times, there isn't shame associated with that. If the time and place is right, if God tells me to share even the worst of it to help someone else, I will. I'm in pretty good company. King David had some particularly ugly dirty laundry aired for the world for thousands of years, and he was a man after God's own heart.

But there are times when the promises feel less true. Realize I didn't say they were, just that they feel that way. When I woke this morning I felt I regretted the past and desperately wanted to close the door on it. I couldn't comprehend the word serenity or anything much through the mind fog. It took me a few minutes to really get my bearings and feel rooted in reality, much less think clearly. I didn't feel like I knew anything about peace.

I forgot to make my coffee last night, so it took longer than usual for my caffeine levels to be at proper body and mind functioning levels. It actually took twice as long, because the first pot I didn't make coffee. I made hot water. Yep, I forgot the coffee part of the equation and had to start over. I walked away when I turned the pot on, so I didn't know until the machine beeped it was done. But maybe my forgetting to make coffee was a God thing. If not, it's another example of Him being able to use anything, even mistakes, for our good and His glory.

Because of my mistake I had to get a coffee cup out of the cupboard. I don't normally drink coffee out of a mug because I don't drink it hot. Since it's room temperature in the morning after being made the night before, I can drink it out of a large glass, a two-liter bottle or whatever will hold most or all of the pot at once. Not so this morning. I grabbed one of Leah's mugs that has Peace on the side of it.

I wasn't feeling peaceful. I spent the night fighting in my sleep. I am grateful for my testimony, and I don't wish too close the door on the past or pretend it doesn't exist, but I refer for it to stay in the past. I do desire to close the door on the dreams. I do wish to close the door on things that take me back emotionally to the trauma and hypervigilance of those days. There are consequences that I wish I didn't still have to deal with. And there are times when it all comes back that I don't feel much peace.

It hit me this morning though as I poured m first cup of coffee into the Peace mug that the promise of recovery is not that I would feel peace or know about peace. I can and do know peace. I am at peace with God Himself. We are no longer at war, and He is no longer my enemy. I am at peace with who I was and what I've done and who I am becoming. I can have serenity within, even in the midst of the hurricane of life. Most of all, I know peace because I have a relationship with the Prince of Peace. There may be consequences and scars of the past that are never removed on this side of eternity, but today I have a refuge I can run to.

Maybe my PTSD is the thorn in my side that isn't healed so that I don't forget, so that my heart continues to break for those I minister to who are where I once was or in danger of going there. Maybe I only get to manage the symptoms rather than have full recovery so that I can show how God is faithful and demonstrates His love even when the healing doesn't come. Maybe last night will be the last night of terror. Either way, there is peace in Him.

There is a happiness that comes from knowing that the past is gone and I have been made new, even when the ghosts are screaming in my ear. I don't have a need to try to drink or drug reality away, because my reality is that, regardless of what else is going on, I am at peace with my Creator, and His love is a place of refuge and safety and rest. The promises of recovery are true only because they are not found in a program but in relationship with the One who came to set the captive free and make it possible to have a peace that passes understanding.

I don't know what you may be going through, but no matter where you've been or what you've done, God is not out to get you for it. He is actively pursuing peace with you, and He desires to be your place of refuge from the storms of life and the hurricanes of regret and memory. He can use your mess in such a glorious way that you actually can be grateful for it. This is not a change of perspective. This is a paradigm shift and a new reality. New life, life worth living, full of peace, joy and love is yours, if you want it.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ April 17, 2017 ~ If You Made Your Bed In Hell

This heroin's got me by the soul Baby. It's taken me places Jesus won't go.

- Janelle Odami

The above quote hit me so hard I almost cried a few weeks ago. I was watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU, in which Adina Porter gave an amazing performance as a woman who wanted to care for her sons but had lost all hope to beat her addiction. Her realistic depiction of a dope whore didn't make me nearly cry. Nor was it the horrible misery scattered throughout the episode in the lives of pretty much every character that interacted with Janelle. And it wasn't even from feeling sorry for myself and being able to relate to certain aspects of the character.

And I could relate to a lot more than I like to admit. I wasn't a heroin addict, but that was only because I liked the milder opium, alcohol and uppers better and I boycotted heroin on principle for taking Jimi Hendrix away from us, along with other great musicians. It wasn't that I was afraid I'd die. I was pretty sure I was going to die young the way I was going, but I believed the world wouldn' lose much when I was gone and had lost much with the loss of Hendrix and the others. And part of the reason that, to quote Nikki Sixx, I had to go down a dead end street at 200 miles an hour, screaming for vengeance and embracing death, is because of the part I related to the most, the lost hopelessness and drowning in the depths of despair that came from thinking I'd gone too far for even Jesus to rescue me.

Yesterday we remembered the resurrection of Christ where Jesus overcame His own death and rose again. That is awesome, and the crux of the matter. Without the resurrection, following Jesus would be stupid, pointless,, and, according to Paul, most pitiful. There are more philosophically satisfying belief systems. But there's nothing that compares to a relationship with Jesus. However the resurrection is the exclamation point, not the sentence. It's necessary because it gives the sentence both meaning and truth, but the sentence matters. Jesus was able to rise from the dead because He died. He died, without deserving to, because He lived on this earth in a human body. And that, the living and breathing and dying, He did for me and for you.

Life can be hell on earth. Life can be hard and miserable. It's full of suffering, and then you die. Pain tells us we're alive, and the scars remind us that the past is real. These are all ideas that express how many have felt about a purposeless, pointless, painful life, and Jesus chose to walk in it. He lived for us, suffered rejection and beating and execution for us, and, went to the grave for us. He didn't stay there, praise God! He is risen! He is risen indeed! But He went there.

Psalm 139:8 puts it this way:

If I ascend up into heaven, you are there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, you are there.

This is one of my favorite verses now. I remember reading it for the first time in prison. If I'd read or heard it before then, I glossed over it without it impacting me. But in prison. in the hell that I had brought upon myself, it meant something. I nearly cried at the stupid TV show because Janelle had been so wrong, and so had I. So had a lot of other people who felt like they'd gone or been taken places Jesus wouldn't or couldn't go in order to rescue and redeem them. There's no place you can go or have gone and no reason why you went there that the love of Jesus can not and will not penetrate to pursue and rescue you. No addiction is too great. No shame is too deserved. No crime is too evil. If you're still breathing, you're still eligible for the freedom and acceptance and love that is found in Christ.

I nearly cried because of gratitude. I am so grateful that the love of God chased me into hell as I ran from Him. I'm so glad that when I hid my face in shame, He called my name in love. And I am so glad that what He did for me, He did and will do for you, if you let Him.

I loved you long before the time your eyes first saw the day

And everything I've done has been to help you on the way

But you took all that you wanted then at last you took your leave,

And traded off a Kingdom for the lies that you believed

And although you've chosen darkness with it's miseries and fears

Although you've gone so far from Me and wasted all these years

Even though my name's been spattered by the mire in which you lie

I'd take you back this instant if you'd turn to Me and cry.

I don't care where you've been sleeping, I don't care who's made your bed

I've already gave My life to set you free;

There's no sin you could imagine that is stronger than my love,

And it's all yours if you'll come home again to Me.

When you come back to your senses and you see who's been to blame,

Remember all the good things that were yours with just My name;

Then don't waste another thought before you change the way you're bound

I'll be running out to meet you if you'll only turn around