I didn't get angry, but I did get up and walk away. I felt upset and discouraged. I had put in a lot of effort in the writing, and now I would have to start over. I remembered most of it, and could come close, but there would be no way to actually duplicate what had been lost. It might be better. It might be worse. It wouldn't be the same. I decided to take a break and compose myself before attempting the writing again. I wanted to pray for help to not be discouraged and to accept what happened as an opportunity to make it better. I would go ahead and shower and shave and pray and let the thoughts come together while I worked on releasing the frustration and discouragement of the morning.
At some point when I was thinking there was a lot of information and might make a better book than a blog entry there was also the thought or at least a sermon. Even a very long blog can be read aloud in under ten minutes. Most entries would take less than half that time to read aloud. Whereas with a sermon there is more time to present the information. As I showered I remembered that and thought maybe I would just save this thought, jot down some notes as a reminder and preach it when I finish the series on prayer that I am in the middle of.
I kind of laughed as it all began to unfold, the ridiculousness of it all and the idea that I should save this revelation to share through a sermon down the road. Sometimes when praying, reading, or just walking around, the Spirit speaks something to you that is such an obvious and simple truth that it feels almost like it's been known forever and at the same time it is revolutionary, profound and life changing because it is so new and fresh. Maybe it's a deeper understanding of something already known or a personal word from God, but whatever it is, I highly recommend writing it down. If you have to send it in a text to yourself, or keep a journal or write an email and send it to yourself, because while it may seem so clear and amazing that you can't imagine it ever fading from memory, I can assure you from my experience that it will. I knew I could not duplicate what I had been given this morning rewriting it a half hour later. Even with bullet notes a month or more down the road might be impossible. When God gives you something to share, give it away while it's fresh and hot.
So I thought tonight I would share it tonight. But what about the sermon I announced I would be preaching? We're in the middle of a series. Tonight is booked. Unbook it. Sunday morning, my father deviated from the series he's been on and changed the plan. Maybe one of the reasons that God had him do that was to remind me that it can be done. God gave me the desire to preach a series on prayer, and He can insert whatever He wants to in the middle of it. I expected things to go a certain way, but God had other plans, and I just assumed that, even though it was too long for a blog entry, that what He was giving me this morning was for the blog and not a sermon because I had the next several sermons mostly mapped out. If I hadn't lost what I was writing, I would have made a mistake and shared it this morning, cut too much. It might have still been OK, and God could still have used it, but it wouldn't have been what He intended it to be.
Sometimes when we just keep going the direction we think we should, we miss out. God may still use us, and it might still be a blessing to others, but our lives may fall short of what God intended because we failed to heed the subtle instructions to alter course. Paul knew God wanted him to go to Rome. I'm sure he didn't originally expect it to be as prisoner. His letters indicate that he thought he would be a free man when he finally was able to visit the city. Then he was taken prisoner and sent to Rome. Slight change of plans.
Then, along the way, a storm rises up and wrecks the ship. All is lost except the people. I'm sure that was discouraging. Paul's a prisoner and now the storm is making an unpleasant situation worse. But here's the thing. That disaster brought glory to God and gave Paul three months to minister at Malta where many were saved and healed and learned about Jesus who might not have heard otherwise. What if Paul had gone with his own plans before he was arrested? What if as soon as he felt God wanted him to minister in Rome he had made the trip? If nothing else, those folks in Malta would have missed out. But he submitted himself to God's timing as well as His will and plans.
Today, let us be quick to let go of expectations and listen for God's direction, even when we believe we already know the way He wants us to go. Even a five second change in direction to smile at someone or help with a load may bless someone greatly, but we could miss the chance to give away the love of Jesus while hurrying to do what we are supposed to do. It's not that God doesn't want me to preach what I planned to preach tonight. In fact, I'm fairly certain we'll be back on schedule nest week. But we must never be so rigid and sure and determined to do what God has told us to do that we can't alter course when He tells us to. What if Abraham refused to let God make a substitution of the ram for Isaac? Change course as the Spirit moves so that your sail will always be full, or if the wind a water is stilled it will because God wants you to sit tight for a while, and you will always be going the right direction, even if not the original one.
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