I believe that to pray without ceasing means to think good thoughts without ceasing. I believe that the art of meditation is letting God speak to me. Each day I shall endeavor to find time to be still and listen. I believe that by making my life an open door to the Infinite, limitless power will flow into my life, giving me energy, ideas, wisdom and guidance to multiply my capacity to build and serve.
- Wilferd A. Peterson
I had gone to bed last night wondering without understanding. What I mean by that, is as soon as I read the quote and liked it, I moved on, but something nagged me from the back of my mind. Why didn't I love it? I loved the image. Is this really a big deal? No. It wasn't worth wasting time thinking about, but my subconscious shewed on it, asked silently for understanding through yesterday and last night. I know, because this morning the clear thought popped into my mind, and once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it or let it go. I understood why I couldn't love this quote. I couldn't completely agree, or at least I saw it somewhat differently.
I am not arguing with Mr. Peterson. I do agree with him on some of this. I love the idea that the art of mediation is letting God speak to me. I love the idea of opening myself up to the Infinite. It could easily send me off on a wonderful tangent about how amazing it is that Infinite Love would wrap Itself in flesh and take on finiteness to make it possible to have relationship with me and with you and that the Infinite Spirit of our Creator would make His home in our brokenness and restore and transform us from the inside out. God is able to give us all power needed to build and serve in whatever capacity will be most what He and those He brings into our lives need. And that is our purpose, to love God and love others and to be of maximum service to both. God's power within us enables us to fulfill our purpose and become all that we were created to be.
But I disagreed with the idea that to pray without ceasing is to think good thoughts without ceasing. I'm splitting hairs, and it could also depend upon one's definition of a good thought. If truth is always a good thought and turning to God rather than running from Him is always good, then this could almost be true. Because that would make screaming silently into the night of being overwhelmed and hopeless and angry and confused and in need of help from Daddy a good thought. That would make crying in the night because of our pain and asking for relief or death a good thought. It's honest and true, and we're taking it to the right place. But not all prayers are good thoughts, as we would most commonly define good. Sometimes we are angry and or afraid and we are spewing venom from our soul in God's direction until we can get enough out to begin to calm enough to feel His arms around us, saying He loves us, giving us comfort and drawing us to Him.
He's like a father holding a teen girl whose heart is broken. She's crying into his shoulder about how horrible it is, how this boy she thought cared betrayed her and humiliated her and how much she hates him. And he destroyed her in public, causing her to be gawked at and ridiculed by strangers and so-called friends, and how she can't bear the thought of going back to school and seeing them and how she hopes they all die for making her feel this way. He doesn't rebuke her for ranting like a sociopath. He doesn't try to redirect her thinking to a good and more positive route. He just holds her and lets her get it out. Then he reassures her of his love and helps her to face what she has to face the next day at school. Sometimes prayer is like that. It's messy and wrong in that it is coming out of our pain and fear and anger and the core of our messed up, brokenness. But if we are pouring out our mess on Daddy's shoulder, it's a good and right response to the pain and mess of our life.
It's not that saying we should be thinking good thoughts without ceasing was that far off. It's just that's what was off enough to send my subconscious searching. And the clear image that appeared this morning shortly before I climbed out of bead and began writing this is that praying without ceasing is awareness of God's presence.
It's not so much about what we are thinking, as in if the thoughts are good or bad, positive or negative. Sometimes I get mad at God, and I tell Him. I'm like a toddler throwing a fit when I don't get my way or don't understand why I can't have what I want. As I express my frustration with my Daddy, I inevitably begin to see my foolishness and arrogance. I submit to His care, love and authority. But that doesn't mean sometimes I don't spew some stupidity like You don't love me because You won't give me what I want. You let so and so have such and such, but not me, because You don't care about me. He's a big God. He can take it. He knows this is a silly as a seven-year-old saying he hates his mom because he can't have some cake right at that moment. Someday we'll know and understand all the whys of we got some things others didn't and vice versa, and we'll see just how awesome and constant His love and care for us is and was.
And that's what it's really about. Praying without ceasing is understanding and being unceasingly aware of the fact that Daddy is there with us. It's turning to Him when we are angry and afraid, even if we aren't thinking good thoughts, or rational thoughts even. It's turning to Him and saying look Daddy! When we see or experience something beautiful, good or amazing. Look Daddy! That's such a pretty flower! It's turning to Him when someone we encounter needs help. I don't know how to fix or even help with the mess you're in, but my Daddy's awesome and can meet any and every need! It's Daddy, hold my hand while I walk this beam so that I can keep my balance. It's Daddy, thank You for helping me respond and do things Your way instead of mine today. It's Daddy, sometimes I feel scared and alone, but not, because I know that even when I can't see You, You're here with me. It's not about controlling our thoughts. It's simply remembering in each moment that there isn't a place or time that we are separated from Him or His love for us. Even in the Valley of the Shadow, He is with us. To be aware of that truth and to allow the understanding of His presence to affect how we react and respond to each and every moment is to pray without ceasing.
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