Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.
- Step 3
This is the wording of Step 3 for the original 12-Step program, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the others, the offshoots like NA, GA, OA, SA, etc., are all about the same. With exception of a couple of Christian spirituality based 12-Step programs, one finds throughout the steps and the literature that little phrase about building a relationship with a God of our understanding. It drives some people to distraction. I've known some Christians who wouldn't participate in recovery programs because of this. But, I for one don't let it bother me, and I love it for a lot of the same reasons that it is there in the first place.
It's in there, because, especially in the United States, many, if not most addicts, whether they are over eaters or gamblers or alcoholics or whatever, have a pretty messed up understanding of who and what God is, they have a lot of fear and or anger towards their conception of God, and they have fear, and anger directed toward and hurt caused by religious people and those who they see as representatives of God. But whether in our cups or not, even if one has never been addicted to anything, we all worship a God of our understanding. Even atheism is worshiping ourselves as God or the idea of there being no higher power than us, and that idea is birthed from our own understanding.
It doesn't bother me that recovery programs seek a God of our own understanding. Here is why: because in truth we can do nothing else, because people who have been exposed to religion and damaged by the religious often have the most messed up ideas about God, because I think it is foolishness and arrogance to claim to understand an infinite God with our little 3-pound, finite brain, and, most of all, because I don't think it bothers God.
I won't quote the passage here, but if you like, you can read about how the Apostle Paul used the idea of worshiping an unknown god in Athens to reach people with the good news about the God who loves us and gave Himself for us in Acts 17:16-33.
Leah and I are approaching the seven year mark of being together. What amazes me about that is how much she still loves and cares for me. She's easy to love, and I love her more now than I did at the beginning, and I was totally gone for her from the start. I'm not so easy to love, at least I feel that way. But here's the thing. Not only do I love her more now, I understand her more as well. Leah and I had some amazing and deep conversations at the beginning of our relationship that demonstrated the connection and similarities between our hearts. I understood her, and she understood me in a way that no one else seemed to. We shared that understanding and acceptance, and it drew us closer together.
But now, we've been legally married for six years, and despite the way it looked and felt, we barely knew each other at the beginning. In those six years we have held one another and talked to one another and continued to build our relationship. We are closer now than we were, and we know and understand each other so much more than before. I can't really imagine it getting any deeper, understanding each other even more, or loving more, but at the same time, I have a feeling that in 20 years or so I will be able to look back and say man, we didn't even hardly know each other seven years in compared to now! I love her and understand her so much more today than I did at the beginning!
If it happens like that with two broken and messed up people who fall in love, and grow closer to each other as they draw closer to the God who is in the process of healing and transforming them, how much more will it happen within the personal relationship with that God? I don't care where you start. Jesus said that if we seek Him, we will find Him. If we are honestly pursuing God, we will get where we need to get, and none of us start at right or full understanding. Whether it is in recovery or in the exposure to religion or anything in the spectrum between the two, we all start with a hesitant or exuberant understanding that perhaps there really is a God, or at least something more, something greater than us. That leads to starting to seek more understanding and relationship, conscious contact with the God of our understanding. Lord, I want to know You more.
And I really don't care if you start with a vague idea of Oneness or even a doorknob or Allah or Jesus or Captain flipping Kangaroo. If you are seeking, that is awesome. I won't try to shove my understanding down your throat either, but what I will do is share my experience with you and anyone else that asks, will listen, etc. Because I did some seeking. I sought in drugs and alcohol and pleasure and sex and adrenaline rushes. I sought in Hinduism, Buddhism, Wicca, Islam, Philosophy, Philosophical Hedonism, Christianity and more. I found something real and true, and I know that because of the results and because of the relationship. But you know what? My understanding today isn't the same as my understanding seven years ago in May of 2010 when I got clean and sober. And if it was, then what I have is religion and not relationship. I don't care how you came to God or what you believe about God, if you're not growing closer, and if your relationship and understanding of who and what God is isn't changing, then you've quit seeking. You've found a system of beliefs.
May I encourage you now to force yourself from your slumber, much like Dorothy and her friends forced themselves up from the oblivion and sleep of the poppy fields and found their way back to the yellow brick road, and get back on the journey to seek, to improve contact and understanding and relationship. In growing comfortable and satisfied with the relationship we have is only the slow death of that relationship. With Leah, I still need to pursue her and seek to know her more and give myself to her so she can know me more if I want our relationship to increase rather than decrease. I need to do the same with my relationship with God. So do you. If you're understanding is that you have no understanding, or if your understanding is far greater than mine, we've in the same exact place today, in need of seeking Him. Don't get comfortable with the God of your understanding, get passionate about seeking and loving the God who loves and cares about you, and your understanding will grow as you experience Him in deed and not just theory.
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