Unprepared for anything bad to happen I received a call from my crying and very upset wife. The police were at our house with a warrant for my arrest. They wanted me to either leave work and return home or meet them at the police station. I told them I would meet them at my house, delegated the work that needed to be done to co-workers and explained that I had to leave, and, fighting the urge to fight or flee, determined to do the right thing, prayed and surrendered myself. The most frightening part of it all was I had no idea why I was being picked up.
Within hours I sat in interrogation stunned at the charge and trying to figure out how and why this was all happening. By the next day everything was in motion that would quickly defeat this false charge. I was innocent and the DA couldn't get an indictment with no evidence other than some very questionable and self contradicting testimony from the accusers. It was over. Thank God. But damage had been done. It stressed Leah out. It caused me to spend a night in jail and had friends, family and strangers who had heard about it to wonder what was going on and speculate and gossip. The ministry could have crumbled under the weight of scandal.
In the two days since I shared about the bogus legal situation I faced, I gave the other side of the just the facts situation, the blessing side, some serious thought. The side where Leah stood by me in full confidence of my innocence, despite my felonious past. She even allowed law enforcement to search our home because she could not even imagine that I had anything hidden. Within a couple of days almost every friend and family member that had heard the news had dismissed the charges as ridiculous and gave me their love and support. In fact the only real negative or damage that came out of it was that my employer, worried about what customers might think if they recognized me or something, let me go. And out of all the acquaintances, friends and family relationships in my life, I know of very few who assumed, thought or believed the worst and where the relationship was damaged. For the most part the ministry continues to grow, personal relationships are stronger, my reputation has completely recovered and is even more stable, and the incident allowed me to tell a group in recovery that there is a solution that works so well you can find yourself in the worst situation, such as under arrest for a crime you didn't commit, and deal with all the mess and stress that goes with that and stay clean and sober. It became an experience that can help others and that demonstrates the awesome power of God to carry us through whatever we may face.
That is as awesome a miracle to me as the parting of the Red Sea. People who are naturally suspicious and know that accused people are guilty far more than not listened without closing off or becoming cynical and even laughed after I made a statement about how much easier it is to get a charge dismissed when you didn't do it. and how that was a new experience, since in all my previous arrests I had been guilty. People who know me and know my past quickly rejected the idea of my guilt, many from the very moment they heard the news, long before they heard my side of things or saw the result of the charges going away. How did that happen?
Well, duh, God. Yeah, and I get that. Seriously it doesn't take much to stack the deck against a felon. Guilty once, guilty the next time is the way the system is skewed...and it's probably fairly accurate. So how did God work this miracle? The miracle happened long before I walked through the shadow of false charges and came out stronger than I went in. This was my lion's den, and the miracle was not so much that the lion's mouths were closed but what happened before. God restored and transformed my life. He not only freed me from the obsession to drink and drug, but he changed my very character so much that I had something that isn't usually associated with a felon, drug addict and drunk. I had integrity.
If you've experienced addiction or habitual sin, if you've lived selfishly enough to hurt the people closest to you, you have most likely experienced the erosion of integrity in certain areas of your life. The lies and secrets and manipulations necessary to live that life are like acid on integrity. But integrity can be restored and rebuilt. Our transformation and restoration can be so solid and real and evident that a drunk can park at a bar and people who see his vehicle will first assume that he's meeting with someone or picking someone up in service instead of thinking that the drunk is drinking, which is the natural conclusion. God makes that change possible. God performs that miraculous change that removes the obsession and makes us free enough to walk into a bar, with a reason to be there other than flirting with danger, and walk out still sober. That change can be so evident and real that when a felon is rearrested, people declare with conviction that there's no way he did that instead of wondering how they missed seeing through a mask. The is the miraculous, life-changing power of God. That's the miracle that can make us someone who can walk through a crap storm and not get any on us. It's the miracle that gives us integrity that will stand in the face of whatever weapon is formed against us.
So yes, it's God's work and it's God's grace that enables us to walk in it. But there are things we can do to strengthen the fortress of protection and restore the integrity in our lives and relationships. Integrity is more that just doing the right thing, even when no one is looking. It is character that can not only survive a crisis, but can actually shine brighter after the crises than before it. Part of walking free of the bondage of the past is rebuilding integrity. But how?
Yesterday when sharing on Fighting The Shame Monster, I wrote that the weapon which can slay the shame monster is the sword of truth. As integral as it is with recovery, rigorous honesty is the foundation upon which integrity is built. We can't justify, make excuses, live lies and have integrity. Be totally honest with yourself, with God and with others in the little things, the big things, the embarrassing things, the motives behind the things, the things you struggle with, with everything. Now, not everyone needs to know everything. Show some wisdom and discretion. But don't pretend to be something you're not. Don't wear masks. And have at least one person that knows the struggles, the slips and the fears. Here's an idea, let's go to our grave without having a single secret about us that at least one other person didn't know. That's an honest and transparent life.
We need accountability and Godly counsel. We can be as rigorously honest with ourselves as anyone on the planet and still fall short, because perspective does matter. We can not be completely objective to a situation we are in, we can not see all the aspects of, pitfalls to avoid and ways to walk through all the situations life brings. Get feedback on your life and spiritual walk, and you will find yourself guided toward God, growing stronger and deeper in relationship with Him, and that relationship produces integrity, it build the walls.
And that relationship, the one with God, comes first. It comes before any and every other relationship. Deciding to honor God instead of pleasing people doesn't mean you won't please or honor people. I can please and honor and love my wife in a way that she can believe, trust and have complete confidence in because of the honor and primacy I place on my relationship with God. The primary makes the secondary possible. If I place the relationship with my wife over that with God, they will eventually both suffer.
Honor God, surrender to His care and will. Doing what is right isn't always easy or popular. It's not always going to make you look good. But the pain and rejection and ridicule that might come with doing what's right and staying in God's will, even when it would be easier or more comfortable not to, is nothing compared to the growth of relationship with Him and the resulting covering of integrity over your life. Even your enemies will say things like, he always kept his word. You could trust her.
We looked at the foundation, the walls and the roof of our refuge of integrity. There is one other thing. This is the door that allows for the right interaction with others. Part of integrity is our service to God and others, doing what we were called to do, it's loving people. It's having compassion and love and wisdom in interactions with others. One of these three was the area that made me vulnerable to the false accusation as I showed a lack of wisdom and didn't see the danger I was in. I put myself in a situation that gave the enemy a shot at me, and he took it. Since the door is all about interaction and service to others, it may sound strange, but the way we build and care for the door is to take care of ourselves first.
That sounds selfish and opposite everything I usually preach doesn't it? Well, it's not. I can't feed others what I do not have. I can not give if I am empty. I can not be a light in the darkness if I am not oiling my lamp. I have to take the time I need to build and maintain my relationship with Jesus, and to get and stay healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally and relationally with Him in order to be of maximum service to God and others. Don't forget Jesus often left the crowds to go into solitude and pray, to refresh Himself with time with Daddy.
Sometimes I don't enjoy that last 45 minutes to about an hour I spend most evenings alone before going to bed. I sometimes wish I could stay with Leah and still do my evening routine. This is because I love her and selfishly want every minute I can get with her. But I know that my relationship with her is better, and the time I do have is closer because of the time I spend alone with God. Were I to regularly neglect my evening time with Daddy to hang out with Leah more, my relationship with God would suffer and then, my relationship with Leah would suffer as well. I'd have more time, but the time wouldn't be as good. Why?: Because I can't care for her the way she needs if I am living selfishly. I can't deny self for any length of time without staying close to Daddy. And neither can you.
Integrity is a natural by-product of an ever improving relationship with God, just as freedom is. We begin to live and walk in love and truth. It is that truth of life and being (character) that is centered in relationship with God that carries us through crisis when it comes. If you desire to rebuild the relationships and trust that were damaged in the past, the first step is rebuilding your relationship with the Master and regaining the integrity that makes trust possible.
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