Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
- Step 3
Everyone who works the 12 Steps for any kind of recovery comes to this point of surrender. As do all who make a decision to follow Christ and declare Him Lord of their life. But what does it mean? We don't cease to be us when we surrender our lives. We don't become puppets or automatons. Our lives our no longer our own though, and that goes so contrary to our natural instincts and the message of culture to take care of ourselves first and foremost.
Today is the last day of the first week of Lent, and I've been spending a lot of time meditation on the suffering servant Jesus. In addition, I wanted to do something I have never done before, which is to read through the Scriptures during the 40 days of Lent. So, in this past week I have read through the first 10 books of the Bible. I don't say that to brag or receive any glory, but rather to show how it came about that I noticed something that I have never noticed before in any previous read throughs of the Word. The fastest I have ever read the entire Bible before has been 90 days, and this is just a little more than twice that rate. It most certainly is not study and does not leave time for chewing on it. It means reading between 27 and 28 chapters a day to read it all in 40 days.
While this pace has not and does not lend itself to study, it does have the benefit of keeping the stories very fresh and reading enough at one time to begin noticing things that are repeated a lot. Repetition causes certain phrases and situations to become obvious. One can't help but notice, and this is what has happened to me this week. Once I saw one particular pattern of repetition, I thought back and realized how often it had happened before I became conscious of it.
During this era in history, there were a lot of people, both men and women, who referred to themselves as servant, even people that one would not expect. David called himself a servant of King Saul even after he had been anointed by Samuel to take Saul's throne and Saul was trying to kill him. Jacob called himself a servant of his father-in-law. despite being cheated by him over an over for years. There is a long list, ranging from people whose names were not recorded and small situations to kings declaring themselves servants. And what I noticed is that whether they were giving property or themselves into the hand of the one they declared service to, there is a phrase that kept going with that declaration. Do with it or me what seems right to you.
It wasn't if you do what I think is right or what I feel is good then I will allow it, I will submit to your decision, I will serve. It was now this or now I am yours to do with as seems right to you. It is the attitude of the opening of the Third Step prayer where we declare God, I offer myself to You, to build with me and do with me as You will. This is not conditional. It does not say as long as I get what I want or think I need or is best. It has nothing to do with our comfort, ease or pleasure. I am Your servant, do with me and what is mine whatever seems right to You, because You are Lord and rule over even my will and desires and opinions of what is good and right.
Jesus gave us such a great example of this attitude and service. He came to do not His will but the Father's. When it was about to get really bad and He saw the pain and suffering coming, He said if there is any other way, I'd love to know about it and try that, but regardless, not my will but Yours, do with me and to me what is right for You and in Your eyes. Then He rose from prayer in the Garden and faithfully allowed Himself to be betrayed, taken captive, tortured and brutally killed on our behalf in service to Daddy.
The good thing is that we are not putting ourselves at the mercy of fickle people. We are turning our lives over to the care of a God who loves us and gave Himself for us. We can trust that what is right in His will is also what is best for us, and that is an awesome safety net. That said, it can still be confusing and frightening at times. It can even be painful. What is best in the long run is often not what is easiest, best or most comfortable in the present. Sometimes we don't and can't see the big picture, the why, or the good that will come. Oh my, how on earth can this be what is best and good? This hurts! This sucks! This scares me to the point of panic. Why do I have to be thrown into the fire, tossed in with the lions, betrayed by friends, lied about, beaten down, etc. Why do I have to endure this?
Because it is what is best for the Kingdom we have given our allegiance to, because it brings glory to the King we have offered ourselves to in declaration of service, and yes, because when it is all said and done, it is what will even be best for us, bring us the most eventual joy, draw us the deepest into relationship with Daddy and make us the best that we could ever be. The path to life leads through death, and the path to freedom leads through service. and surrender. Lord, not what seems good and right to me, not my will but Yours, I am Yours to do with me and through me and with all that I would call mine whatever seems right to You. Amen.
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