It's amazing to me that Jesus would go out of His way after the resurrection to find Peter and restore that relationship. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think what Peter did caused more pain than the desertion of the rest of the disciples. I put it right up there with Judas' kiss. I know I'm not much like Jesus without a lot of grace, so perhaps Jesus didn't feel that way at all, but what Peter did would have crushed me.
I remember a friend coming up to me at the start of the summer my freshman year of high school. We were going to be doing some things, group trips, going to the lake and some educational but interesting things parents thought would be fun, together with some other kids ages 14-18. My friend came to me to let me know not to take it personally if he didn't talk to me or hang out with me if anyone was around. He at least had the guts to tell me that I didn't fit the image he wanted to project. So, the friendship ended. I guess I did take it personally, because I don't remember ever seeing him again after that summer.
Peter wasn't trying to be whatever was his concept of cool when he distanced himself from Jesus. He was trying to stay out of prison. He didn't want to be charged with whatever crimes that they were going to say Jesus did. Peter probably wasn't the first person to swear to his friend that he had his back and would stay down even to prison and even to death who bailed when the cops showed up. I know he wasn't the last. And those were extreme circumstances. As much as I want to condemn ol' Pete for denying Christ, when it comes to relationship with the Messiah, I have far too often followed at a distance, not out of fear of arrest like Peter, but more like the once friend who bailed on me.
Jesus didn't fit in with the life I wanted to live and the image I wanted to project. I didn't want to be associated too much with Christ because I feared the opinions of those who thought Jesus just a little too much, too extreme. Spirituality was OK and one thing, but let's not get carried away. And then there is also the understanding that it can be hard to be associated closely with someone whose reputation and image you can't live up to. When they see I am not much like my friend will I be seen as a someone learning to walk with God or just another hypocrite? Isn't it better and easier just to keep quiet, not draw attention to my relationship with Jesus than to perhaps push people away when I fall short of the perfect love of Christ?
For so many reasons isn't it better to follow Jesus with some distance? After all, faith is a personal thing, and there's no reason for everyone to know my business. If we stay friends maybe someday, if they ask, I can manage not to actually deny like Peter, but why should I put my faith on display?
Well, two reasons. First, we're not being a friend when we don't. And I'm not talking about not being a friend of Jesus, but of the friends and acquaintances that we're trying to fit in with and be accepted by, If someone you knew were dying and you had a friend who could and would save their life, wouldn't a friend introduce the two of them? But the other reason is selfish.
Following Jesus at a distance doesn't work. We are no better than the disciples. We all fail. We fall short. We are all crappy friends to Christ at times. But when we flee from the garden, we need to be more like John who returned and got close enough to talk to the Lord at the foot of the cross. If we try to follow at a distance, like Peter, we will soon deny Him, if not with our words than with our deeds. Because the only way we can walk with Jesus and like Jesus is to get so close to Him that we begin taking on His characteristics and become more and more like Him. The greater the distance between us and Him, the more self rises up, and the more we break His heart and say by our life that we never knew Him.
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