That means that our past, our story, no matter how horrible, no matter how good, can benefit others, can be used for service to God and our fellows and is a part of what makes it possible for us to overcome and have victory. And it is a wonderful thing when the major regrets begin to fall away and we are no longer hiding in the dark from our secrets. We do not have to duck people. We can walk with our head held high, looking others in the eye. But it's important to remember that we don't defeat the ghosts of the past by embracing them and allowing them a place to dwell. The word of our testimony is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit, using just enough of what happened and what it was like to make our life a demonstration of Daddy's love and power, giving Him the glory. We silence the screaming shame and condemnation of the past through understanding we are loved and forgiven of God and by doing what we can to restore those we have harmed and clean up our mess. We don't make amends to earn God's forgiveness, but in order to be of service to Him and others. We received the added bonus of not having to hide from anyone or anything.
I guess the founders of 12 step recovery felt it clear by the must be rid of self and pride must be leveled statements in the original literature that using our stories was simply to enable those we would help to see our similarities. As someone is drowning in hopelessness and self pity while drinking or drugging themselves to death in a slow motion suicide, I, or someone else who has been where I've been, can say there is hope, there is a solution, there is a way out. I know. I've been in the pit you're in, I've used the way you use, and I have been set free, If your bondage was in another arena, it can be used to help someone in that area perhaps better than mine can, Still I wish that there were more warning about watching for pride once the shame of the past starts to subside.
Recovery and religion are two places where pride is the monster that eats us and others. Pride in the past is one of the few parasites that kills the host and hurts those near him, I remember when I was young my father being wary of testimony services, because he said they were too often full of pride. The same phenomena, as people try to oust Paul from his seat as chief of sinners, happens in recovery. As the war stories begin to flow, one tries to outdo another and show that they were the worst. How foolish it is that having been arrested multiple times, and passing out in our own sick and worse are things that are worn like a badge of honor that someone else will try to outdo by claiming more arrests, or worse cases of disgusting despair. But embracing the ghosts to such an extent breeds that parasitic pride. When we feed the past, we empower self to rise up.
The best advice I have received regarding telling my story is that I should share more on what happened (solution) and what it is like now (result) than on what it was like. I try to focus on the feelings and thinking rather than the details and events. My story should be just enough to let you know that there is a way from the darkness. As weird as it sounds, my story is not about me. In the words of Big Daddy Weave, to tell you my story, is to tell of Him. It's not a dramatic presentation of pride, a one-man show about me, or the foundation for a Lifetime movie. It's not supposed to be about look at how bad I was and how good I am now. It's not about look what I've done (either as a before image or, especially, as an after image). What I did in the past is nothing to be proud of, and what I do now is only possible because of what He did in me and for me. We share only to show that we too were slaves, to give those in bondage hope that they too can be free, to say I've been in your chains and I know the way of escape. But the spotlight should not remain on us, We are reflections of Him, and our story is a story of the miraculous, not of self.
Don't feed the ghosts. No one needs to hear an hour about fumbling in the dark, when I was blind will do. Spend more time telling us why it is that now you can see. Beware that reverse and perverse pride that takes pleasure in trying to shock and awe others with what once shamed us. Let out lives, even our past, only show others Daddy. I will close this with the lyrics and the video for the song I mentioned earlier by Big Daddy Weave. Perhaps the best standard for giving testimony and sharing our story that I have heard.
My Story
If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long
For the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long
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