I'm not going to spend time blasting or praising Hart. I don't know what he did, and I really don't care. I don't think it's any of our business. It is something serious or embarrassing enough that evidently someone thought it would make him a good target for extortion. Here are some things that he said in his statement that I could relate to, and I suspect most in recovery can or would if they stopped to think about it.
I have a target on my back. Because of that, I should make smart decisions.
There's truth and wisdom in this statement. Hart has a target on his back because he's a public figure who promotes himself as a family guy and plays the good guy role in movies. I have a target because of the nature of my past, the choices and mistakes that I have made, because people understanding that a zebra can't change his stripes are waiting to see if the changes I claim to have taken place (God can change a zebra's stripes, even though the zebra can't) will prove to be fake or temporary, and because I am in the ministry and watching for ministers to fall is a favorite past time for those looking for an excuse to say no to the Spirit's call to come closer into relationship with Him. And you have a target on your back as well.
It's not paranoia, and it's not anything to be anxious over, but it's there. If you are a Christian, people are watching for you to make a mistake so that they can say, see, I told you..... So that they can feel better about their heart being closed off from God because of the hypocrisy in others. If you are in recovery, you have a target because you have hurt people, and once bitten twice shy. They've heard the apologies and promises before, so, for a while at least and time frames vary, they are waiting for the mask to drop, for the game to get boring or life to get too hard and see you return to the bondage that you always returned to before. Even if you're neither a Christian nor in recovery and you're just reading this out of curiosity or something, I assure you that there is at least one person in your life watching and waiting for a chance to humiliate you or hold some mistake over your head or manipulate your mess into an advantage for them. Some have bigger targets than others, but we all have them, and because they are there, we need to think things through and make smart decisions.
But, returning to recovery, remember that our best thinking often turned out to be really really devastatingly horrible. The smart decision that we can make that will keep us from making foolish and selfish and impulsive choices that cause harm to our reputation, damage the trust that we've worked so hard to rebuild and hurt those we care about is to start and continue the day surrendered to Daddy. We turn our will and life over to His care, let love and the Spirit guide the way we act and react. We pause before we act to check and see what, where, how Daddy would have us proceed. With the Spirit doing the directing, we won't walk off any cliffs. I can't think of one single amends I had to make, not a single time I messed up, while obeying Daddy and walking in the will of and in the power of the Spirit. It just doesn't happen. But when I get back in self will....
I made a bad error in judgment and put myself in an environment where only bad things can happen, and they did.
We do that sometimes. Tis' the season for scary movies, for those that like that sort of thing. And one thing pretty much every scary movie has in common from the oldest black and white creature features to the ones made today is that there is always at least one point in every one of them where the audience says or thinks to or about a character(s), No, don't go in there, don't go that way, don't do that....Basically, they all boil down to don't; that's a bad idea. We'd like to think that if it were us in that situation we'd react wisely. We wouldn't do that fool thing. But if we didn't do the same fool thing, we'd probably do something even worse. Why do I say that? Because being in the wrong place at the wrong time is a common occurrence among us humans, and it is often a direct result of poor decisions.
And it is not only when we put ourselves in situations that sooner or later will lead to bad things happening, and we do that often enough that there are common sayings in recovery like if you hang out in a barber shop long enough, you'll get a hair cut. What? Well junkies in recovery tend to want to hang out with their old friends surrounded by all the old things, to live those glory days without the drugs, and usually it ends in relapse. Drunks tend to want to go hang out in bars with their buddies drinking sodas, until sodas just won't cut it. And I think under the right circumstances or under enough pressure, most everyone will say to themselves why are we doing this? or this is a bad idea, and then go right ahead and continue toward the cliff. Like a lemming asking why? before he tries to fly. But sometimes it's not about a situation where only bad things can happen. Sometimes we can be doing something good, for a good and right reason, but doing it in such a way that leaves us open and unprotected. You can't protect yourself from everything, but you can be wise, if you let the Spirit set boundaries for you. For example, if I am working with or helping someone, I am careful about when and where we meet. My wife is nearby or we are in public or something along those lines. It's called accountability. It's not that I don't trust myself or that Leah doesn't trust me or that I am afraid of temptation, but rather it protects me and my family from anyone trying to say whatever crazy things they can come up with; it protects me from false accusations.
If we are spiritually fit, we can go anywhere at anytime that we need to or that God directs us to. I am not afraid to walk into a bar or a dope house, I have done both during recovery, but that's not where I'm going to go just 'cause. We need to be careful about the situations we are putting ourselves in and honest about the motives for doing so. But we're going to make mistakes. It's not hypocrisy. It's humanity. Hypocrisy is wearing a mask, pretending that you don't mess up and that you do it right, pretending to be good enough, while inside you're the same mess you're condemning others for being. Making mistakes is part of life because we are not yet perfect. It's how we handle falling that gives God glory in the midst of the mess or makes us look worse.
There are no excuses for my bad behavior.
I like that. No excuses. Own it. Acknowledge and move on. Now, sometimes part of moving on is rebuilding and repairing and being held accountable, but don't blame shift, justify and try to say I did it, but...... Everything after but is usually bogus anyway, so don't waste the time and energy. Honestly accept your part in things. When Nathan confronted King David with his wicked choices, the most powerful man in the kingdom simply admitted his wrong without excuse. We don't want to make his mistakes,but when we mess up we would do well to follow his example of facing it without blame shifting or excuse.
Why have you despised the word of the Lord by doing evil in His sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the sons of Ammon....Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
- 2 Samuel 12:9&13
I would rather fess up to my mistakes...It’s a [profanity} moment when you know you are wrong.
It may be best to promptly admit it when we are wrong, that is one of the principles of recovery, but sometimes fear and shame causes us to hesitate and hide. It's natural. It's the first thing Adam and Eve did after they messed up, and it's our first instinct as well. But it is best when we can come to the place where we'd rather confess than suffer the worse consequences of guilt, shame, lying, manipulating and such to try to keep the rug pulled over our stains. It does feel quite profane to stare into the truth of our sin with no excuses and no justification. It should, because sin is profane, but we have a loving Daddy who is quick to forgive, who loves us and who wants to heal and restore. The healing may take time and may be painful, but running and hiding only makes us sick and drives us further from Him and His grace.
Today, let us surrender to the guidance of the Spirit so that we can make wise decisions and stay off the path that leads to destruction. But if we do slip, let us not hide, but be quick to repent and turn back to Daddy. And if you want to see Hart's confession, it can be found here.
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