God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
The serenity prayer above is one of the most quoted and used prayers in the rooms of recovery. Those early in on their journey down recovery road often speak of praying it frequently and fervently to help them make it through those tough days before the obsession is lifted and they have been set free of the overwhelming impulse to put themselves back in the chains of their bondage. I also hear old timers talk of using it still, years into recovery, to enable them to let go and accept others and life and to find peace in stressful situations.
Peace and serenity are so valuable, and when we have them in our life, it is so much easier to stay on the path of freedom and within the will of God. Peace is defined as the freedom from fighting and violence and freedom from disturbance, as quiet and tranquility. So what is serenity? That's the first of the three things we're asking for in this little prayer. Serenity is the state of being that is characterized by peace. The state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled. That's a pretty awesome state of being, in my opinion and experience.
Have you ever met someone who could be truly said to be serene in character? I have. My father is like that. When everything goes to pieces, he's always been like a rock, calm and steady. When things get messed up, he never freaked. He stayed calm and able to think and, as a result, was almost always able to do something to improve the situation rather than making it worse. On those times when the situation or circumstance couldn't be improved, it didn't reach him. He made it through without being personally damaged. Now, that is how it looked like from the outside, and to many who know him. Like a friend of mine in recovery used to say about serenity, he could walk through a crap storm and not get any on him.
I know that my father is not a serene man by nature. That's not who he was before he totally surrendered to God. And I also know that things do get to him, and that he has been hurt deeply and disturbed over the years, often, I am sad to say, by me and the destruction in my life. But I can count the times when I have truly seen him shaken and loose his cool over the 46 years of my life on one hand. And those times when the peace is gone, when he is disturbed and the pain and pressure squelch his serenity, he still normally doesn't appear shaken. If you don't know him well, you might not ever realize that he is upset or disturbed or troubled. The turmoil within rarely reaches the surface for him, and I have only seen it boil a couple of times. I would like to be like that. Because when crisis comes, his reactions don't make it worse, and he helps others by being stable, steady and clam enough to think and able to wait to react until he knows what should be done.
Not only would I like to be like that, I believe it is possible. I didn't use to. I used to think that calm, quiet, slow to react character was just who he was. But now I know that it is a learned response. He has learned to be that way by learning to quickly turn to Daddy when the storm blows. He has learned that he can always trust Daddy to care for him, to care for the others involved and to make a way and give direction if He is sought by walking out on that ice of faith in God time after time and never regretting those times when he put His trust in Daddy and not in himself or others. That simple trust and quickness to turn to God in times of need make my father a calm man who doesn't overreact or freak out when things go wrong. In fact, the more the storm blows, the more he seems calm, like the eye the hurricane is swirling around but unable to shake. Of course the difference is that while he is in the storm, he is not a part of it, it is not built on him.
I am learning. I freak out way less than I used to. I don't overreact nearly as often as I did in the past. More and more often I am able to wait, to pause, before reacting when pressured or disturbed to wait for guidance before I move. I understand serenity and what it is like to be calm as the storm of crisis blows around and over me. I know what it feels like to have peace and where it comes from, from that same Power outside of me that freed me from my bondage.
Now, I am far from my father in this area. And I still have plenty of moments and situations where my calm is damaged. But it is so much better than it was. The least thing in the past used to make me run, run to this or that escape and comfort. When I couldn't flee, the rage roared within and out of me. I wasn't the eye in the hurricane. I was the storm blowing through life leaving destruction and brokenness in my wake. That is a rare thing these days, and despite what some might think, the lack of becoming the storm, of bonding with the chaos of crisis and making it worse, is not simply a result of no longer drinking and drugging. The chemicals didn't cause the storms. They were my escape, my solution to the pressure and the pain.
It was as I slowly but with greater frequency began turning to the Daddy who released me from the captivity of the chemicals with those situations I couldn't handle or control, with the crisis moments, for my help, refuge and direction that I began to experience peace. And I am not unique. What God has done for me, He can and will do for you, if you seek Him and allow Him reign over your reactions. He will set you free and give you the gift of peace.
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