It's about joy and the heart. Many may be reading from the Gospel Of Luke this time of year, but if you flip on over a few chapters from where most devotionals are pulling scriptures, to chapter 6, you'll find that Jesus thought we should know that it is out of the abundance of the heart that a man speaks. Abundance is a very large quantity of something. The idea is that what you have the most of in your heart is what is going to come out. When the frustration or pain overrides our consideration of others, overrides our concern for what someone else might think, when the filter gets shut off, what comes out? The answer is what is in the heart.
We rarely stay what people see as we grow older. The older people get, the less they are able to keep the mask on. So, if you visit a retirement center you generally find three types of people. Those who are totally out of it, those who are extremely sweet and those who are extremely bitter, rude, and mean. There's not a lot of middle ground. We seem to slide to one extreme or another as our ability to hide what is in the heart fades. I would really like to be one of those who is compassionate and loving, even when I don't really even know what's going on. I want, assuming I live that long, to be a blessing to those who help care for me and when I get boiled down to my essence and the filters are turned off for good, I'd love for people to see a lot more and hear a lot more of Jesus than of some angry old man.
I also know that if I were to enter into that age in the state I am in now, that wouldn't so much be the case. Thankfully Daddy isn't through with me yet. It's not that I am always a selfish, ungrateful jerk who throws a fit when things don't go my way, but I am still that person more than I would like.
This morning I got up and went to the study to do my writing and morning devotions, as I do on most days. Because this is the joy week of Advent, I knew the subject. I have felt led to write a week on hope, a week on peace, a week on joy, and also a week on love, even though the last will come after Christmas because of the way Advent falls this year. So now you know what the next week and a half or so will consist of topically. But you don't know exactly what each day will be about in any way more specific than joy and, later, love. I don't either. And this morning I had nothing but joy. What to say about joy? What to say? WHAT TO SAY???!
Then, as if a slight touch of writer's block wasn't frustrating enough, my stereo began messing up. I have a short in the auxiliary input jack, and sometimes it works well. Others, not so much. This morning was basically a not at all morning, making me long for just a not so much, which is what it is doing now, after nearly twenty minutes of fussing with it, fighting it, trying to jiggle it just right, growing frustration and, rigorous honesty, little joy in my heart. A silly stereo seriously damaged my calm.
That's about when that voice of condemnation quipped, You hypocrite! You have no business ministering to anyone. You're not a very good example, and you are nothing like Jesus. Here you are trying to think of something to write on joy, when you are not joyful! You're just upset because you're not getting your way and things aren't cooperating with the atmosphere that is more conducive for your writing!
Now, I don't know if that voice came from Satan, one of his helpers or just the ghost of my old nature, and quite frankly, I don't care. I am grateful for it. Grateful? Yep. The voice meant to make me slink away in shame and feel unqualified to do what God has called me to do, but the plan backfired. You see, it's half right. It spoke a half truth. And half truths are lies.
It is true that I am in myself not qualified to minister and that I am not very much like Jesus. It is also true that I didn't have joy at that moment and that I was upset I wasn't getting my way, that things weren't the way I wanted them. But pointing that out only served to help me see more quickly that I had slipped into self. The Spirit wasn't having His way in my mind, life and morning. The fruits of the Spirit include gentleness (not beating on a helpless stereo), patience and self control. Since these were non-evident in my life this morning, that served as a pretty good indication that the Spirit wasn't in control. And let's not forget that God didn't call me to minister for Him because I am such a great example, a good person and so qualified. He qualified me when He called me, and my ability to do it at all is only because of Him, which means, when I get it right, He gets the glory, not me. And it is only by grace that I can be like Jesus. It is the Spirit within me that is like it should be and is doing the transformation work of making me what God created me to be. Apart from Him and His control, I am not a good Christian or example.
The answer is not to quit or beat myself up. It is to quickly run back to Daddy and climb back in the shadow of His wings and will and to give the Spirit the control I took back without even realizing it. When I did that, the joy returned. The stereo is still popping and crackling more than I would like. I also still feel a bit like I'm rambling as I write this, but it's OK. The Spirit can use the writing as He wills, and the state of the stereo won't matter once I leave the study, much less years from now or in the eternal. Joy is not something I get by being good enough, or even getting my own way. It also is a result of the Spirit in my life and relationship with Daddy. Our joy is because He loves us and because of who He is and all He's done.
I will sing, or rather write of and for joy, because Daddy loves me, has set me free, because He forgives and gives the grace to get up and do it better. Because He has put a new song in my heart of love and relationship rather than the old tune of bitter selfishness. Because I know that I I can always run to Him when things are wrong, even when the main thing wrong is me, and He will comfort and encourage and love me as I am, while working within me to bring me closer to Him and make me more like Jesus. I have joy at this moment, not because of the Christmas jazz playing in the study or because the words are finally flowing, but because I know that despite slipping into self like a comfortable old robe within minutes of getting out of bed, I didn't have to stay in that state. I can put on the clothing of grace and the rest of the day can be different.
My mistakes and failure of the morning don't have to define my entire day. My day, this moment, can be defined by Daddy's amazing love for me, and I am able to receive and walk in that love because Jesus came and did for me what I could never do for myself. That is the source of Advent Joy, It's not the music, the goodies, the music, the fellowship or any of the gifts, other than the gift of His love and forgiveness. Because I have received that gift, I have joy, even if I forget it and lay it aside from time to time. And the joy that I have found, you can have too, because Daddy loves you as much as He loves me. I don't have to manipulate away my frustration and shame or create joy through addictions or selfishness, and neither do you. Jesus came to set us free from the bondage that comes from trying to be good enough and satisfy our own needs.. He did it out of love we didn't have to earn or perform well enough to keep. And that, Dear Reader, is reason to rejoice, regardless of what may be going on in our circumstances.
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