It was a lot like shaving ice and blowing it in an East Texas yard to produce a white Christmas. It looks a little like snow from a distance, at first, but even ice doesn't hold up to the mild winters we have hear. It quickly begins to melt and turn from fluffy artificial snow to slush. It just doesn't feel the same, and snow balls don't lead to laughter. They hurt, because they aren't balls of snow but ice bombs. Finally, before the day is over, the fake snow is completely gone and you're left with the truth that you didn't make a white Christmas as much as flooded your yard as you look over the muddy mess left behind. Perhaps the temperature drops at nightfall and the water remaining turns to ice that isn't shaved and manageable, making the sidewalk and driveway a danger to walk on the next day.
No, shaved ice is not the same as snow, and it falls far short of what was sought after. And chemical numbing and escape is not real peace. In my experience the length of time that it takes to melt the illusion and leave the mess got shorter and shorter. The artificial peace became so unsatisfying, but the things that drove me to it hadn't changed. The pressure and need for serenity only intensified as the solution failed and having no better option, I continued to seek solace where it could no longer be found. I realized that one day it would kill me, and at times, even that seemed OK, because at least the misery and constant disturbance would end.
Today life hasn't changed much in some ways. There is still much in this life and that makes me uncomfortable, anxious, and brings disturbance. I still feel the overwhelming need to end the misery and quiet the disturbance, that drive to find peace. But what has changed is the solution. I found a solution that works. By turning to my Heavenly Daddy who loves me as I am and not as I should be, I found refuge from the chaos and pressure and rejection. Then I discovered that even though He loves me as I am, without requiring me to be better than I am or could ever be on my own, He also loves me enough not to leave me the mess I was and sometimes still am. He set me free from the bondage of false solutions and artificial peace, and instead gave the real peace that is found in His love and presence. For over seven and a half years I have lived without the need to turn to chemicals to get through life.
Those chemicals weren't the problem though, They were my solution. And the reason that I couldn't ever stop using for long before, was because as miserable and destructive as life under the influence was, life without them was worse. Until I found the real thing that the chemicals counterfeited. In relationship with my Creator I found the perfect fitting filling to the hole in my soul and life. The love that isn't conditional, the joy that isn't based on circumstances and enhanced sensations and the peace that doesn't melt in the heat and rain of life were the answers that worked every time, that didn't leave a mess or destruction in their wake.
Here in East Texas it is highly unlikely that there will be a white Christmas morning, unless there's some frost on the ground. And the desire for a little snow is not worth the mess of shaving ice and settling for the artificial, even without considering the cost. But in my life I am confident that there will be real peace and no need to seek artificial relief, no matter how chaotic the holiday may be or how much pressure life piles on, as long as I turn to Daddy to meet the need. And this miracle is not mine alone. I have seen the same miraculous snow fall of Daddy's love change so many others and set them free from the false solutions and melty messes. What He has done for me and others, He can and will do for you if you are tired of counterfeits that don't quite work or last, if you realize that there's nothing you can do to fix yourself or meet your own needs and are willing to give the Lord of peace reign over your will and life.
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