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Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ December 27, 2017 ~ Love Needs Balance

I had a strong extrovert side once, but I always spent as much, if not more, time alone than with others. The extrovert in me hid the introvert like a dirty secret, Prison only strengthened that part of me that loves solitude. Leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone, and everything will be OK. Now that I am out, certain aspects of the introvert remain strong. The extrovert has mostly disappeared, and 95 days or so out of 100, I would rather spend the day with Leah and never see another soul than just about anything.

I tend to have people cross my mind and say things like we should really go visit so and so, only to find that a month later we still haven't managed to make it happen. There are people I consider good friends I haven't seen in over a year.When Leah and I do get dragged into some social thing, we tend to enjoy it and feel glad we went, but it's often a battle to make ourselves do it. She's mostly an introvert as well. Cuddling together with a rerun on TV sounds better than attending a party to both of us. There are family and friends that we love spending time with, of course, and we never see Amanda and Justin enough. But most of the time being social feels like work, and it's exhausting to struggle to force myself to leave the house to go spend time with someone other than Leah.

I sometimes wonder how many others that I am sure would be described as extroverts by most people who only saw them under the influence were really introverts. There was a reason I needed a couple of drinks before I left the house.  I loved gatherings, especially if they helped disguise how much I was drinking and drugging, gave an excuse to indulge or were a source of free, well did it really matter what it was if it were free? I'd drink Boone's Hill if you bought it, and I'd be more than happy to hang out with just about anyone till the drugs were gone and the bottles emptied.

But now that life is behind me, and I no longer need to surround myself with people to stay sober because I couldn't trust myself alone, it's harder and harder to pretend I want to go interact with people. The wonderful thing about being married to an introvert you love spending time with when you're also an introvert is that you are truly happy just being together. There's no drive or pull to go, go, go. The bad part is that neither partner is pushing interaction with others.

We are not called to isolation. We are called to love God and love others, and it is difficult to show love to people without interacting. Introvert mottos like people are great from a distance or in small doses aren't really compatible with sharing the friendship and love of Jesus. Is it selfishness or just personality that makes it feel like such a battle to sacrifice that alone time to go be there for someone who needs interaction but isn't in that small circle of family and close friends that make up an introverts comfortable social circle?

I know that it's possible to mix being an instrument of God's love and being an introvert. God's grace is sufficient. His grace and love within us enables us to stretch out of the comfort of isolation and truly enjoy spending time with the people He cares about. If we ask for help to be a light of love and a friend to those in need, He will provide that help. His love can be our motivation. But if you happen to be an introvert, also remember to understand that you need time to recharge and to prepare. Jesus would leave the crowds to go spend time alone with Daddy. That alone time to power up and refresh our souls helps us to go into the fray of humanity.

This may make little sense to an extrovert who feels more energized the less he or she is alone. But for those who find themselves more and more drained the more they are around others, that time alone with Daddy is all the more crucial. I suspect that Jesus was a balance between extrovert and introvert. I sometimes think we were originally designed to be a pretty equal mix of the two. That we would enjoy and be blessed by time alone with our Creator and time alone with a spouse, our immediate family and a few close friends, but that we would also enjoy and be blessed by being a part of community and interacting with people on a larger scale.

We can't love others well if we can't spend time alone with Daddy. We can't love others well if we avoid them either. Whether extrovert or introvert or something in between, we need that balance of interaction and isolation to be healthy and to be of service, to love God and to love others. As we approach a new year and think of changes, I would encourage myself and you to seek the balance of love. Love that makes being  alone OK. Love that makes relationship with a few special and treasured. And love that makes encounters with acquaintances and strangers and enjoyable part of being a part of the human race. The balance of all of these is part of living well, and wherever you fall on the extrovert/introvert scale is possible by grace because of the great love of God for us, in us, and moving through us.

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