That said. it does cause problems. My eyes are the place where it does the most damage. It causes inflammation and fluid build up that produces painful bursting of blood vessels and light sensitivity and also greatly hinders my vision. It's been under control for a while with a daily regimen of steroids. But I ran out of my medication last week, and won't be able to get into the doctor for a refill until today. In two days my vision suffered greatly, my eyes tire easily and by the end of the second day without treatment my eyes were bloodshot and painful.
I'm not whining. This is a great example of a 24 hour reprieve based upon the maintenance of treatment. I really didn't think being out of meds for a few days would do much damage. I never expected it to get so bad so quickly. But it did. I can barely see the screen to type and the time this is taking is already making me tear up. Three paragraphs have taken twenty minutes to write because I can only write for a minute and then have to stop to let my eyes recover for a few minutes. Now, when I get back on the steroids I will have to take a larger dosage until the inflammation goes back down, which increases the steroids side effects. Recovery takes more than maintenance.
It can be tempting in recovery to begin to let things slide. The daily steps we take to make sure we are practicing the spiritual principles that led to our freedom and awakening. Making sure we surrender our will and life to God and improving our conscious contact with Him. Being of maximum service to Him and others. And everything else that we do to maintain our freedom. Sometimes we get tired and want to let it all go, to slip into self just a tad and rest on our laurels. But taking even a little time off can be much more damaging than we might first believe. Even a little taste of selfishness and self-centeredness is a dangerous and deadly unleashing of disease that becomes symptomatic quickly. While we may not immediately relapse, we can have problems that cause damage. Alcoholics sometimes refer to these times as dry drunks, and it takes a lot more work and effort to repair the damage than it would have to simply maintain our spiritual condition.
Today, let us not be tempted to let our disease go untreated even for a short while. Let us stay as close to Daddy as possible and make sure not to take our will and life back so that we do not have to deal with the consequences of inflammation of self. But if we have let things get out of control, we don't have to lose hope. While it may take more time and effort, the solution is the same. More of Jesus. Less of self.
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