O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1
I am not a morning person, and verses like the one above have made me grateful not to be under the law more than once. Whenever I have tried to make myself get up early to pray or read Scripture because I start feeling like that is what you're "supposed" to do I have failed miserably. But not too long ago, I felt not a "should" get up early but rather a desire to really get to know Jesus more and to spend more time with Him. I prayed and asked that if He would provide the grace to meet with me that I would get up as early as it took to both start my day with relationship time and to more faithfully in frequency minister through writing these moments. Those who may have noticed that for a while now these Unshackled Moments have been close to a daily occurrence can note that some progress has been made. It's definitely been a blessing in my life regardless. It's not about the frequency of writing going way up. It's about more, one of my favorite words. More. More of Jesus. More time with Jesus. More power. More of God in my life. It's about more better. And yes, I know that is atrocious English, but it's a great goal.
I have felt better. My days have been better. I've seen an improvement in multiple areas of my life and walk. That's made it easier to keep getting up early. I had even started often getting up and turning off my alarm before it went off on most days and getting up without hitting the snooze on the other days. If you only knew what kind of miracle that is, you'd be greatly encouraged, but while all this has happened, there is still the me who is not yet changed. The old me, the natural me, the natural body rhythms that God gave me when He created me and my natural reactions to those tendencies are still there.
And that last sentence is why I hate Daylight Savings Time. I had enjoyed the progress I had made. I loved that I didn't have to struggle to get up that hour early any longer. It had almost become natural in that it had become a part of the routine. Suddenly, for no reason, I had to start over. I have to get up an earlier than my body thinks it should to be in the same place I was in less than a week ago. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't get complacent. My attitude hadn't changed, and neither had my motivation. It hadn't become a should. But it did become hard again, at least as hard as it was at the start.
My reactions, who I am had to be overcome again. It hasn't been instant. The first morning I had to get up after the change I hit the snooze button six times. Horrible performance. If this were a legalistic should thing I probably would've felt like a failure all day. Instead I just felt like I'd had to rush through my morning conversation with Jesus, and I didn't like that because it felt like something missing. It felt as though I hadn't eaten breakfast spiritually, and I went through the day trying to play catch up with my hunger and energy levels. So I asked for help to get back to the place I had been. This morning I only hit the snooze three times. Already I have cut the delay in half. I'm 15 minutes away from where I want to be. Today I can rejoice in the progress and not beat myself up over the lack of perfection.
This is not a boast. Oh look, I get up early to spend time with God, you should too. No. I don't really care when you spend time with God. Those late night hours can be a true blessing. No, when you spend time with Your best friend is between the two of You. I just hope that you can see Jesus as the best friend you've ever had and want to spend time. But we all have goals to improve our relationship with our Creator. I hope that our motives are about that relationship and not anything to do with "shoulds," or that they'll grow into the right motivation. Regardless though sometimes we start to make progress in whatever area and WHAM, something happens. Before we know what hit us we feel as though we're right back at the start or worse. But we're not. We've already seen what works. We've learned to take the steps to surrender that lead to victory.
The war is won, but we may lose a battle here and there. It's not always something we've done or allowed by falling short in any way. It can simply be a fact that life happens. But as long as our motivation is to get to know God better and better, we can see these setbacks as something that temporarily caused us to see our friend less and renew that closeness as quickly as possible. It doesn't have to be something to beat ourselves up over. It doesn't have to involve "shoulds." And when whenever we want more of Jesus, He honors that.
Thank You Lord that it's about relationship not requirements. Help me not to feel condemnation when I feel I fall short in my side of the friendship between You and me but rather simply instill a desire to get back together like I would with a great earthly relationship and friendship. I want more of You Lord. More relationship. More time. More closeness. More better. Amen
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