I put in a full day's work and felt tired but satisfied. The anticipation of soon being home with my wife made me smile. I sent her a text and told her that I'd be heading home shortly, and the Holy Spirit impressed upon her the need to pray for my motorcycle ride home. She responded with obedience and concern. With obedience she prayed for me. Out of concern she returned my text that read, "I love you. Be safe."
I have learned to trust my wife's response to the feelings that the Spirit gives her and heeded her wishes for me to be careful. For the record I am generally a careful rider. There was a time that wasn't true. I was the daredevil adrenaline junkie blowing past cars at high speeds, pushing the boundaries of physics negotiating turns, threading the needle between cars and weaving in and out of traffic, But these days I actually have a life worth living without having to be on the edge of disaster to feel alive. In addition to that, I care if I live or die too. So today, I don't ride like a 20 year old with a death wish or an idiot who feels like I'm immortal. But after Leah's text I rode home with a little extra care.
I left my headphones in my pocket and rode without the distraction of the music I normally ride to. I took the route home that normally has the least amount of traffic and that I feel the most comfortable taking it easy and riding a little slower. Almost home, on the little black topped county road that leads to my house, I caught a flash of brown movement out of the corner of my eye. Less than a second later, before I could react, a doe bolted in front of me. It's not a good thing when a deer steps out in front of the car you're driving, but when you're on a motorcycle instead of in a car, it will really make your navel pucker.
I down shifted through the gears, making my engine scream but aiding the brakes in slowing the bike as quickly as possible while maintaining stability and keeping the bike up. Unfortunately I couldn't miss the deer and stay on the road. Not hitting the deer seemed more important than staying out of the ditch. But going into a ditch on a motorcycle is also not a great plan to stay safe and upright.
When the tires left the black top and hit the pine straw mulch I lost traction and actually increased speed. A voice inside my head screamed, "Pine tree! Pine tree! Pine tree!" There wasn't much chance of getting stopped in time. I released the front brake and locked up the back wheel. The rear end went out from under me and the bike went down. Instinct and the understanding of what happens when you get a leg trapped under a sliding motorcycle made me kick my left leg off the peg and move my body over to the right side of the bike.
When the deer moved onto the road in front of me, the situation moved out of my control. But in that split second there were still things I could do the down shifting, swerving, braking and getting in best position for the slide described above. But at that point the bike went down, things were completely out of my control. There was nothing I could do to even attempt to control the uncontrollable. I was along for the ride. Adrenaline flooded my system as my fear leveled up.
We don't like feeling out of control. Life being out of control is a constant. Control is an illusion. Normal day to day living is as out of control as the couple of seconds between my seeing the deer and going down. It's out of control, but there are things we can do to effect and direct things, to try to control the uncontrollable, because we need to maintain the illusion of control and to prevent the horrible feeling of not having control, to keep from facing that frightening truth that although we can effect things slightly here and there, there are times in life when we are simply along for the ride. What is, is. What will be will be. And there's nothing we can about it. It's frightening and frustrating. The more we try to hang onto control the more we realize that we have none and the more miserable, sickening, confusing and frustrating life can feel.
The bike came to a sudden stop, flinging me off. I sailed over the first part of the ditch and slammed into the embankment on the far side. No bones broke. Nothing seriously damaged at all. I had a miracle happen in answer to my wife's faithful obedience to pray. I could have easily been seriously hurt or killed. But my point is not my miracle, but rather that we can receive prayer that works, heed warnings and take care, follow directions and guidelines, do the right and safe things and still find ourselves in the middle of dangerous and potentially destructive situations that we have no hope of controlling.
So the issue is not do we surrender control of our life to God or keep it for ourselves. We can't control life. We can however surrender our desire for control. When we surrender the need to try to control life, the desire to control life, to God we stop trying to tweak things and give full maneuverability to the only One who can control life, the universe and everything. The situation may not change, but we can have peace and joy despite the circumstances when we learn to trust God and stop fighting for control that's forever out of reach anyway. Learning to accept God's control and stop trying to guide and tweak life has not been an easy lesson for me, and sometimes, usually when a metaphorical deer steps out in front of me and I'm afraid, I fail. But I have found that the more I let God have it and just do my best to stay in His will the more joy, peace and love I experience and the less anger and fear, regardless of the situation, circumstances and wrecks of life.
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