My favorite thing has pretty much always been more. My parents tell that one of my most repeated phrases once I began to talk was "More roni." I, like many children, loved macaroni and cheese. With this tasty treat and so many other things I loved, or at least enjoyed, the best and most important part for me became more. The same drive for more became the theme to my life's demented amusement park with it's scary roller coasters of addictions. Escaping brought me to the place where I understood that life is about relationship with the Creator of the ride and that selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of all my problems, addictions and bondage. I preach and write regularly against that dangers of selfishness and self indulgence. I repeatedly remind that to walk with Jesus we must deny self.
But why is self such a stumbling block for all of us? Because the instinct to please and preserve ourself is actually a God-given and God-created instinct. Wait? Am I seriously saying that something I speak against nearly every time I preach is from God? Yes. But then how can it be bad?
All our instincts are made by God and serve a purpose. Our instincts for food, sex, security, etc are not bad in and of themselves, but when we chase them outside the plan of God for us and when they become the focus of our life rather than a part of life they become something that separated us from God rather than something to enhance our life. Self is no different from all other such instincts except that it lies at the root of them all. Every instinct is there to please, advance or protect self. So why must we practice denial? Because the idea of controlling how much self we indulge and the way that self manifests in our lives is like moderating a crack habit. It simply can not be done in this world bound by the curse.
But the original point was pleasure and preservation. The irony is that what brings the most satisfaction and security is pursuing God. Relationship with Him is so much better than anything and everything this fallen world has to offer. Wanting more and more of God is the perfect use of the instinctual drive to please and protect the self. The truth is that any hedonist that understood this would stop seeking instant gratification of the senses and seek the pleasure of the spirit. So why don't we? Because of the paradox that to live we must die, that to best please and protect self we must deny self, because we have to turn down the taste of the inferior now for the superior to come and self is never patient.
The only good news is that the blessings of relationship do not have to be sometime down the road or somewhere over the rainbow. The kingdom of God is at hand. It is here and now. If you can't let go of self than indulge it to the ultimate, not in every whim but in full out, no holds bared pursuit of the best of the best, the most intense pleasure and joy, the ultimate fulfillment and love, and the confusing peace that comes from relationship with God and makes walking in denial of the other, the inferior, impulses so worth it.
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