Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation;
Oh, deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man! For You are the God of my strength;
Why do You cast me off?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? Oh, send out Your light and Your truth!
Let them lead me;
Let them bring me to Your holy hill
And to Your tabernacle. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy; and on the harp I will praise You,
O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
- Psalm 43
So it's going to happen. We;d like to think that if we become spiritual enough or good enough Christians or have a deep enough relationship with Daddy that we'll never be sad, never be depressed and never have times of discouragement and depression. But it's not true. Even Jesus had His moments of depression and grief and fear.No one did it better or had a better realtionsjip with Daddy than the Son, so if He had to deal with this, we need to be ready to deal with it as well. And the Psalmist here goes through the process in a much exemplary way.
He gets to that place where he's slipped into self and self pity and that things just aren't going the way that they should be. One thing I didn't mention in Part 1 is that he voiced his feelings and where he was at. He didn't try to pretend it's all good. He didn't try to put on a mask to look more spiritual than he was at the moment. He didn't push down his emotions hide them under forced faith.
I especially wanted to mention that hiding behind forced faith because of where we are today in the process. Sometimes we hide how we are doing from others. When we are asked how we are doing or the situation comes up when it might be best for us to share where we're at, we hide it. We spout platitudes and one liners about faith and trusting God and pretend all is well. Sometimes it seems that if we can do this enough, we can trick ourselves into trust and hope, push away the despondency and manipulate God into doing what we want Him to do. After all, if we trust Him, He has to help us right? It's a promise. And by help, of course we mean fix it the way we want it fixed, when we want it fixed, and within the parameters of what we consider fixed. We don't want to hold His hand in the dark. He better create some light.
It may seem a little like this when the Psalmist turns his focus from himself and his situation to God. He goes from life isn't fair to God You are my strength! He knows it's true, or at least he knows that he's supposed to know it's true. But he's despondent, and his doubt and hopelessness are apparent as he continues right into the hey, why aren't You helping me God phase? Where are you? Why aren't you doing anything? You're supposed to be my help, my fortress and my strength, and if you're not going to be that how am I going to make it through this?
But this isn't that forced faith. This isn't hiding. And it's not pretending. And it's not even really faithlessness and failing to trust God, like we might accuse ourselves of when we feel this way. He's not pretending because His declaration of God is my strength came after expressing the truth of how he feels, not instead of it. And He didn't keep saying like a mantra and acting like that changed everything and that it's all he feels after turning his attention to where it should be, to the Lord. He's being very real. This sucks. It doesn't feel like it's going to get any better. I know that You are my help and the way for me to get through this God, but it feels like you're letting me twist in the wind here. Where are You? When are You going to show up? That nick of time trick sounds great in stories, but it really sucks when you're the one waiting on the rescue.
This isn't failing to trust God. It's trusting God more than the person who pretends their feelings away. It's trusting God enough to say I'm starting to feel You aren't helping me, or that You won't help me in time. I feel scared and frustrated and like all the things I'm trying to escape or prevent are going to do their worst in my life. It's also the time of transition. Self rose up with its whining, with its the whole world is against me, with its nothing is going to go right or will go right. Self sang its siren song of pity in his ear, but rather than continue to listen, he changes the direction of the conversation. He shuts up Self with truth. He turns his attention on God and remembers who his Lord is.
Self: This sucks. It isn't fair.
Spirit: God You are my strength.
But self only half listens, only partly gets distracted. Its very difficult to talk Self into leaving a pity party. So Self attempts to corner the conversation once again. Oh yeah. If God is my strength where is He? Where are You God? How long are You going to leave me like this? Do You even care? And here's a big clue that it's still Self over spirit led by God doing the talking. Clinging to the spirit's declaration of who God is, the Psalmist asks for help. Send Your light and truth. Take me where I need to go. Take me to You. Be my rescue and help me. If You do, I will praise Your name. If You'll just help me already, I'll make sure everyone knows it was You and what You did.
This sounds a little like the Third Step prayer doesn't it? Lord, take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness..... And that is a great place to really start. It's still a bit self focussed. It's still all about help me and if You do..... It's still about changing the situation. But it's honest. It's honest with the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. It's honest about wanting God to help and knowing He's the only One who can. And it's the start of looking to Him to do that. It's also remembering that whatever He does for us, in us and through us is for His glory. Self, is still talking, but at least it's asking for help and from the right source. The sharp edges of hopelessness slicing through the soul are dulling a tad.
Despondency and depression are simply forms of bondage. In some ways they are no different than an addiction to drugs or alcohol. They change the way we feel. We can get comfort from them at first. They become like old friends, and then they turn on us, leaving us miserable. They stop making us feel better and start making us feel worse. But by that point they've become a part of us, our go to, and they control us rather than the other way around. We know things won't get better if we stay wrapped up in the depression and despondency, but we can't let them go. We can't ignore Self's pity songs. But admitting the truth of where we are, that we are chained up with hopelessness and can't see a way out, is Step 1. Realizing that God is our strength, even if we're not to the place where we're positive His rescue will be in time, is Step 2. Asking for His help and surrendering to Him is where the change begins to happen in Step 3. God. don't vindicate me. Don't show me to be right. Show You to be right and merciful and powerful to help, and I will give You praise. It's all about You.
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