Unshackled Moments ~ August 1 ~ A Penny's Worth Of Praise

In August of 2012 I had a motorcycle wreck and ended up in the Emergency Room with my back hurting. They ran a CAT scan but no serious issues having to do with my back showed up. Some spots on my lungs and lymph nodes did stand out to the ER Dr., who told me about them and recommended me to a surgeon for a biopsy. That time was frightening for me.

I had been sober and with Leah just over two years, and for a day or two after hearing the news I struggled with frustration and bitterness and fear, especially fear. I made an attitude course adjustment though and tried to stop feeling sorry for myself and concentrate on conscious contact with my Heavenly Daddy. Still, it felt like I barely had finally began to get my life right and feel blessed and then blam, wreck and maybe worse. I nursed self-pity like a stiff drink until I began to be scared that if I didn't stop imbibing pity I would turn to drink as well. Poor me. Poor me. Pour me a drink.

I had been taught and found it to be true that if we are having trouble letting go of self-pity and feel our communication with Daddy limited or blocked we can bust the dam with gratitude. I don't know how many times over the years I have heard people suggest making a gratitude list when in the pits and having trouble seeing or feeling the light of God's love in the darkness. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name - Psalm 100:4.

I tried, but it didn't seem to me that it was working well at all. I had it in my head that a gratitude list needed to be long. How long? I don't know. I couldn't list a number, but maybe because I didn't immediately feel better I believed it needed to be longer than I could come up with. I wasn't feeling very grateful at that time. I felt afraid. When I started fighting the fear and pity a few days after the wreck, I could only come up with a list of five things I felt grateful for. I didn't seem like much, but I can still remember them.

1. I was grateful that after wrecking the bike and facing the issue of possible cancer I was still sober and really hadn't even had any thoughts of not drinking or using. That to me was a miracle.
2. I was grateful for Leah and our relationship.
3. I was grateful that my motorcycle wasn't too messed up.
4. I was grateful that my father-in-law is a doctor because I could not afford to see a doctor about, well, about anything and had no insurance at the time.
5. I was grateful that God loved me.

It didn't seem like much thanksgiving, and to be honest I tacked that last one on there because I believed I should and I knew it to be true, but I wasn't feeling it much at the time. I prayed and asked for God to help me get past this point, to believe in His care for me more than believing circumstances and feelings and to help me increase my thankfulness. Give me more gratitude; I prayed.


Soon after I heard a song that seemed like a message to me from God. It described where I was and where I wanted to be. I fell in love with Even If (The Healing Never Comes) by Kutless, and it became my anthem during that time. I then had six things I felt grateful for. Then more. And more. As my self centered focus faded I began adding family, friends, flowers and more. By putting everyone one on the list individually, by listing many things from nature instead of writing nature, etc., the list grew much longer. Then I felt the Holy Spirit rebuke and correct me.

I was trying to increase the size of my sacrifice, my offering, of thanksgiving. I wasn't increasing my gratitude list because I felt more grateful when I put that I was grateful for sweet gum trees, song birds and squirrels making it three times longer than being grateful for the nature around my home. I was trying to increase the length of my list to increase the feel good from being grateful, to get more return. In other words, I was trying to earn the awareness of being in His gates and coming into His court. Epic fail. We don't praise Him because He demands it, but because we get a glimpse of who He is. We don't give thanks in order to manipulate or force Him to give us more, but because of what He has already done.  And if we try, it will not work. That is not true gratitude, and it taints the offering. Motives matter.

A sacrifice of praise is no different than anything else that  we bring to the altar. We can only give what we have. If we only have two pennies worth of gratitude, then we can not truly give more than that. But when we give all that we do have to Him, that is a beautiful offering. I understood that I need to quit trying to make the list, to make my gratitude, more in length and instead keep it more in honesty. I also heard the Spirit tell my spirit that a little dose every day, watching for and making notes of things to be grateful for throughout the day, would do my soul much better than making a list of a hundred things and then going on with life and slowly forgetting it, like looking in a mirror and walking away.

My five things that I am grateful for today was born. I began writing five things at the end of every day that I felt grateful for and posting it on social media. I did this for a couple of years or so, every day (almost - I missed a few). It helped me keep my mind on things to be grateful for throughout the day. I saw more often and more easily the blessings of God on my life, even on bad days. Many days I felt grateful for more than five things, but I would only share five that were made up of either what I felt most grateful for or something unique to that day.

It also became repetitive after a while. It seemed to me that I began to be grateful for basically the same things almost every day. There was almost always something about gratitude for God's love, care or provision for me. There was almost always something about gratitude for my amazing wife, often having to do with her amazing ability to bless me with her cooking. Because most days I didn't have something vastly unique or different happen, I often didn't have something unique or different at the top of my gratitude list. I stopped posting the list several months ago.

I felt like if I couldn't keep from saying basically the same thing over and over, there wasn't any point in it. Here I am four years after the wreck, still getting it wrong in ways. As we enter into August and I thought about how I am only just now getting treated properly for what was found four years ago, I also realize that I am still struggling with my gratitude list. Upon honest reflection, I do not go throughout my day with as much attention being paid to the little things that I can be grateful for as I did when I posted my list. The short but daily list of thanksgiving kept me watching for and observant of the love and blessings of God in my life.

I also see that it is better to be truly thankful to God for one thing every day, than to look for something new and different. God's mercies are new every morning, but His love is eternal and doesn't change. There is something good that happens within us when we can see and be grateful for that love every day, even if there is nothing new or different that we are grateful for. Much like the length of the list, it was more important that it was real even if nothing changed in the list for a week than to have something different every day.

I think I am going to return to making my list of five things, at least for a while. I'm not of course saying that everyone needs to do this sort of thing or should do this. It is definitely not required for spiritual growth or life or anything else. Maybe what you need to do is totally different. But there is something better about life when we go through the day looking to see the hand of God. It's easier to hope and trust and believe in His care and provision with a thankful heart that has seen and recognized His blessing in the little things of our live day after day after day. It is better to bring our pennies every day rather than saving them up until we have enough to bring a big sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. Today let us give thanks for whatever amount we feel grateful for and stay watchful for what He is doing that we can be grateful for. Let us pour out our praise steadily, regularly, even if it is only a trickle. Lord let us be more aware and watchful for what You are doing that is worthy of our praise and our gratitude. Amen.   

Unshackled Life Ministries is grateful for every person that reads the daily Unshackled Moments and or listens to the messages. I want to thank those who have clicked "like" on something that blessed or ministered to them. It is encouraging to know that God is using this ministry to help and bless others. Please remember that if God used something from this ministry to help, encourage or bless you, it could also bless someone else. Would you help get the devotions to more people by sharing the Moments and messages that you read or listen to? Hitting the share button instead of or in addition to the like button will help us reach more people with the good news of freedom and the encouragement to live an Unshackled Life. Thank you and God bless.

If you would like to have notifications of new Unshackled Moments and messages sent to you via email, send an email to dalynwoodard@mail.com requesting to be added to the list. You can also follow Dalyn Woodard (@Dalynsmsings) on Twitter or Unshackled Life Ministries on Facebook.