You're not the same as you were before," he said. You were much more... muchier... you've lost your muchness.
This had always been one of my favorite quotes from Alice In Wonderland. I think it is because I often feel I have lost much muchness myself. Nor is this feeling anything new. I remember feeling this way from an early age. It happens. You get broken. You become damaged in some way and then compare yourself to how you remember being before, or how people say you were before, or how you imagine you were or would have been if the sky had not fallen.
I don't know about anyone else who has felt this way, but I tried desperately to get my muchness back. To regain exuberance and joy and wonder in living. I did everything within my power, and I failed miserably. I managed excitement here and there and some grand distraction. I found temproty escape from the crushing weight of emptiness, but I never managed to fill myself back up, to find my muchness. And that is because I was looking within myself, in the approval of others and in the comfort and pleasure of circumstance to provide my muchness.
But our significance and joy and, yes, muchness, are found in being filled with the awareness of Daddy's love for us and in relationship with Him. It is in His love and faithfulness and goodness that I found a fountain that bubbled up within my soul to give me a life worth living, provided contentment and produced joy and wonder in life. In other words, I found my muchness in God.
Sometimes I still fail miserably to be and live how I know I should. Sometimes I still don't have approval from others. Sometimes my circumstances still stink. But I have found that joy remains, hope continues and love leads me on as I remember that Daddy is always good, always loves me, always is merciful to me and is always faithful. I have learned that I can always count on the alwaysness of God. And all the ways He is always for me, He is also always for you. You too can always count on the alwaysness of God. So if you miss your muchness, I encourage you to draw near to God. He always has enough muchness to fill us up with all we need and more to spare, so that we can share our muchness with others.
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