One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of
my blessings. . . .
- AS BILL SEES IT p. 37
For a few years I regularly made a daily list of five things I felt grateful for that day and posted it on social media. I stopped because a few months ago it occurred to me that such a list might be causing others pain. Like it might feel to someone who didn't have said blessing I felt grateful for that their nose was being rubbed in their need and lack. I am not sure if that is real or just some crazy thought that popped into my head, but I have not been publicly posting my list until I feel more comfortable doing so again. In the meantime though, I do still make a nightly gratitude list when I review my day, and it continues to be a source of strength and joy for me.
The idea of coming up with five things I'm grateful for every day, regardless of how rough the day may have been, came about five years ago while waiting to have a biopsy done on some growths in my chest. Fearing the worst and what might happen if the growths were malignant, I turned to Daddy for my comfort and refuge rather than blowing two years of sobriety by trying to escape that fear. The daily mini gratitude list was one of the things I did to remind myself of my blessings and Daddy's love and care for me. It worked well, and I managed to stay sober during the anxious waiting period to find that I have sarcoidosis and not cancer.
It hasn't always been easy, but I have never had a day, no matter how bad, where I was unable to find at least five things that happened or that I had in my life that were worthy of my gratitude. It really helps protect against the danger of falling into self pity when I can find a reason to be grateful. Speaking of gratitude, I am extremely grateful to a friend in recovery who helped me to learn the importance of a gratitude list. During my early days of sobriety as I struggled not to go back out and began to feel pain and hurt that I had numbed for years, an older man with decades of sobriety told me to sit down and write out an inventory of things I had to be grateful for when I felt like I couldn't do anything else to keep from drinking or drugging. He later received a diagnosis of cancer and went through that fear and the treatment staying sober, Every time I spoke with him during his battle with cancer he always brought up at least one thing he felt grateful for. What a great example he gave me.
Another old timer gave me an empty tin box early on and told me to take scraps of paper and jot down things I felt grateful for a place them inside. During hard times I could then open the gratitude box and read the many things I had happen that I could be grateful for. That also helped for a while, although I no longer keep a gratitude box, that was what helped me learn to keep an eye out through my day for things to be grateful for.
I can't describe how important gratitude has been in my recovery and how much of a help it has been in keeping me clean and sober. I have never known anyone who practiced looking for reasons to be grateful who wasn't able to find them, and I have never known anyone who made a practice of expressing gratitude from the heart who relapsed. I know that in the three months before my last relapse in 2010 I quit all aspects of practicing gratitude, and with it came a distancing in my relationship with Daddy. Old hurts and resentments cropped back up, and I nursed and fed them rather than pouring gratitude over them like a spiritual weed killer. As the weeds of resentment and self pity grew, they choked out my appreciation for life and relationship with God. I went back out. I know of no better weed killer to control the growth of the things that choke out the fruits of the Spirit and destroy our ability to stay free than gratitude.
I would encourage everyone who wishes to be free and stay free to practice gratitude. But sometimes an attitude of gratitude is hard to maintain. During those times, taking a moment to physically write out a list is helpful, and at times when even that proves difficult, reviewing older lists can be a source of help and strength and a reminder of our blessings. It's amazing how many of the things I had to be grateful for five years ago as I went through some difficult times are things that I can still be grateful for today. Try it. You may find it works for you as well. And remember that the greatest thing we have to do be grateful for is Daddy's great love for us, and that is always true, even when life is hardest.
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