We understand Joseph took on the role of Dad for Jesus, who wasn't his son. We praise him for it in carols, although he does get little attention compared to some of the other aspects of the story of Jesus. But can we forget this is a Christmas story for a minute and look at the situation from a human standpoint rather than as a miraculous part of a holiday tale? We begin with a man who is engaged to be married, who has been waiting, likely eagerly, for the wedding day, and more to the point, the wedding night. His bride to be begins showing. Showing what? Showing that she is pregnant. Showing that he has been a fool. Showing that she doesn't care for him, doesn't want him above all others, doesn't respect him or their relationship. She has been unfaithful, and soon, if it hasn't happened already, everybody will know.
Wait. That's not what happened! Mary conceived of the Spirit! She didn't cheat. I know that. You know that. Mary knew that. But Joseph didn't. How would it have hurt? How betrayed would Joseph have felt? Seriously. Stop and think about that for a moment. He is planning on taking her as his wife, caring for her till death do we part, and she shows up pregnant. And he knows the child is not his. And we don't know if he asks and she tells the story or if what happened in Matthew 1 with Joseph happens without input from Mary.
I could see it going both ways. He confronts her, and she doesn't excuse herself and declare love for another. She doesn't claim to have been raped by a Roman soldier or neighbor. She blames God Himself for her condition. Or maybe He is too upset, hurt and embarrassed to even talk to her and get her side of the story. After all, how many ways were there to get pregnant? Did he really need to hear what she had to say to know what happened? I suspect most of us would have been done at the point we realized there was going to be a baby that wasn't ours in the world who shared DNA with the person who was supposed to love us. And Joseph was done. Don't mistake that. He planned to cut Mary loose.
But He didn't act rashly. He didn't storm into her house, drag her into the street and demand justice under the law. He didn't pick up a stone to avenge himself, nor attempt to shame her in the community. He showed amazing restraint and compassion before he knew the truth. Regardless of whether he had heard the story or not, he didn't know. And he waited. He wanted to leave her quietly and not harm her. He joust didn't want to tie himself to her knowing that soon he would be living with a constant and daily reminder of his hurt and betrayal. It was after he waited that the angel came and told him the truth, or verified it, that the baby to come had been sent by God and would be the Savior. Joseph was able to listen to the instruction and take Mary as his wife and become one of the most important step dads in history because he didn't react.
There was not instinctive reaction out of the hurt. He waited to act, which gave God opportunity to lead him to the best way to handle the situation. What would have happened if he had discarded Mary the moment he felt that pain of betrayal? How would our lives have been different had Jesus been raised as the bastard child of God only knew who with the perception of having an unfaithful, immoral woman for a mother? This wasn't today where having a single mom in a community is an everyday occurrence. This was a time and place where they threw loose women in the street and shamed them before stoning them to death. Would God have bothered picking another girl and trying again if Jesus had died with Mary in the street months before His birth?
We get hurt. We get misused, mistreated, shamed and wronged. It's a part of life, unfortunately, because people make selfish and hurtful choices. And most times it's not a case of there being some miraculous explanation that makes it OK. But if when we are hurt, offended, and wronged we don't react and strike out, if we pause and show some compassion toward the offender, something miraculous can happen in us. The Spirit can direct us to handle the situation in such a way as to bring glory to God, to take us through it in a way that brings us closer to Him, where we are guided to act in the way that will do us and others the least damage. At the very least we won't make things worse. If we wait for His help and guidance, Daddy will not leave us a broken mess. He will heal our hurts, and give us the power to handle even the worst and real betrayals with love.
It doesn't mean that relationships won't end. It doesn't mean that people who hurt and wrong us will get away with anything or be left in our lives to continue to damage us. It does mean that we will be able to get hurt without being destroyed. It means that we can come through the storm stronger and closer to Daddy. And it means that we can act, by grace, in a way that doesn't shame us even more but makes others see that there is help in relationship with Daddy to handle even the unthinkable. How we respond to being hurt, before we even attempt to forgive, with compassion instead of seeking vengeance and waiting on the guidance and wisdom of the Spirit's best path through what is going on, can bring life instead of death. Maybe we won't change the world. Maybe we won't learn later that we weren't actually betrayed or mistreated. But we will be led to something better. We will be brought closer to God and to a place where we can find healing and restoration. Those who see it may also be drawn to the One who can heal our hurts and give refuge. And perhaps even the person who wronged us will find in our gracious response a hope for them to also be brought to a place of repentance and healing. When we instinctively strike back and react with righteous rage, lives are damaged even more than by the initial wrong. Ours and others. But when we follow the example of Joseph and let Daddy control our actions after we have been shamed and hurt, there is the possibility than before it is all said and done, everyone, us, the one in the wrong and those who are witnesses, can all be taken to a place of freedom and restoration and relationship with Daddy. That is better for our world and saves us from the destruction that comes from the self centered actions of others.
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