This year I celebrate five years in relationship with my wife Leah and five years clean and sober. The latter made the former possible, and the former made the latter amazing. The past five years has also been the longest most faithful chunk of my life walking with God, which is actually what made both of the other two achievements a reality. Five years seems like forever. It feels like a long time. It feels like the blink of an eye and barely begun at the same time. So when it's been long enough to start feeling like it's always been this way but still short enough to remember the lifetime before that contradicts that other feeling, how does one get an accurate perspective on what the time might mean?
While thinking of this I looked at the idea is the most valuable thing we have and can give is our time. It's the only thing we own that can't be replaced when lost in any way, shape or form. Five years is more than 10% of the time I've been alive. That means that what feels in so many ways to be nothing, to be just the beginning is also a bigger chunk of my life than the traditional tithe amount of finances? Why is it that 10% feels like so little when it time living a life worth living, clean and sober with the woman I love, but when it comes to giving time and money back to God (I'd have neither commodity without His provision and grace) it feels like such a huge chunk and sacrifice?
Selfishness. Plain and simple. God gave me life. First natural birth and then spiritual second birth. After years of rebellion He welcomed the prodigal home and gave forgiveness and grace to this wayward son. Then He gave me freedom from the chains and addictions I found myself bound by after walking in my own will too long. Then He gave me my treasure...my relationship with my wife. All of these are amazing gifts of grace I could never cause, earn or deserve. And yet I treat them as though they are mine. It's my life how much will I give to God. It's my relationship with Leah, how much time will I sacrifice for God and ministry? Wrong.
It's not mine. None of it is. I am His, and all my life belongs to Him. Not 10%. All of it. I can and do rejoice in the gifts He has given me, especially the time and closeness with Leah, but I need to learn to let Him control that time as much as my will. I don't want the importance of my marriage and sobriety (and they are both important and God wants them to be valued and respected by me) to become a backdoor to selfishness rather than a celebration of the goodness of God.
God has given you blessings as well. All of us who have given ourselves to Him have been given something back. Today let us rejoice in and celebrate the life worth living and the things in it that make it so. They come from God. But let us remember Him first and that all we have is His.
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