As I submitted myself to The Great Physician, I discovered that those two links were only the most blatant and obvious in a long chain of field masters that kept me a slave and whipped me to the point of death under their control. Any and all habitual sin, especially when we try to manipulate our thinking and deceive ourselves into thinking it's really OK or something we don't need to worry about right now because it's not THAT bad or THAT out of control or not really hurting anyone, etc., are areas of bondage where we are captive and have lost all ability to effectively manage and or control that sin. We can not simply stop, not for long. We are powerless to stop and control the sin in our lives, to keep the want to do what we know isn't right from rising up in our will and taking control of our actions and lives.
Paul, in Romans 7:18-19, explained the powerlessness of being held captive by sin and the old nature (self will) like this:
For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
In the area of alcohol, this need to understand the hopelessness of the situation on our own leads some to The Grand Experiment. Now, today's Unshackled Moment is not about alcoholism, but if you bear with me a moment, Dear Reader, how this understanding of alcoholism can apply to each and every one of us sinners will be made clear. The Grand Experiment is a way to self diagnose the real alcoholic. A heavy drinker may look the same as an alcoholic from the outside and the wreckage in their life until something happens. For whatever reason, when they drink themselves to the point where it is causing problems and they realize they aren't handling their drink well, they stop or successfully cut back to a point where they are in control and stay there. Imagine that. This is, at this level, causing me problems and pain so I'm not going to stay at this level. I know some folks who were able to do exactly that and they still enjoy a drink or two from time to time.
It doesn't work that way with a real alcoholic. First we try to abstain, then convince ourselves we can cut back and control, then comes the truth that if we control our drinking we don't enjoy it and if we enjoy our drinking all hope of controlling it dies. Soon we are right back to the place of captivity and destruction as before, and, often, things are even worse. But we all too often just can't get it through our heads that we are alcoholics rather than heavy drinkers with some control.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death....
All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization....
By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
- from Ch. 3 More About Alcoholism in the "Big Book" Alcoholics Anonymous
I had someone who was helping me in the early days of sobriety suggest such an experiment. She told me to buy a bottle, line up three perfect ounce shots beside the bottle and then drink one and only one shot an hour for three hours, putting the bottle up afterwards without drinking more. If I didn't like that idea then to try just one shot, no more and no less, every night, for 30 days. If I could do either of these two things I might be able to control my drinking after all. I never tried the experiment, because I knew better. Even today at nearly six years sober both of those ideas sound horrible and miserable to me. The idea of slamming a shot and waiting a whole hour for another is ridiculous, and stopping after 3 shots with an entire bottle right there either wouldn't happen or would be a horrible war within. The one shot a day would simply lead to failure in a few short days. I know myself too well. I've lost control of that monster inside me too many times.
Despite understanding this, and understanding that all bondage to sin is just as much out of our control, I still sometimes try to step into the ring with and overcome those areas in my life that I know are outside the will of God for me. Even with an understanding of the need for grace to have the power of the Spirit to overcome the lusts of the flesh and multiple failures in the past, I deceive myself into acting as though I am spiritually a heavy drinker, and therefore able to control, manage, set limits on or swear off my sin on my own. I try not to fall into this, but I do.
Lent is a time to understand that powerlessness over the sin in our lives and to refresh our memories of the need to rely totally and completely on God's grace to walk in the righteousness to which we have been called. But, if that reason slips our minds and we fall into the trap of once more determining to strengthen our will and resole to walk right, live right, to act right, love right, to simply not sin and live as a Christian should for 40 days, then it can be a wonderful Grand Experiment. I doubt it will be long before we come to the fresh conclusion that we are spiritually completely and totally unable to control and manage our self will, our carnal nature and our sin in order to live in a manner worthy of the calling of Christ. We can not, on our own, even act like, much less become like Jesus for 40 days. When once more we fail The Grand Experiment, we should quickly return to the brokenness of complete surrender and the only path to true freedom to those of us who are the real deal spiritual alcoholics and slaves to our sin without Christ.
By the way, while there are some who can completely control their drinking, some who can put it down forever on their own, and even some who can simply never pick it up in the first place, that is not true with self will and sin. You can try The Grand Experiment if you must, but without the grace of God, if you're breathing, you are, without doubt, question or fail, a slave and addicted to sin. But praise be to God who came that we might be set free and find abundant life!
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t of despair.
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