There are also those who may be reading this that are not addicts. Their bondage may be general sin rather than a habitual sin that they can't step away from long, although I think that if we get rigorously honest with ourselves and examine our heart, the general sins that most of us trip over would be seen as habitual if we looked at the root rather than the manifestation. What? You do something that you know or realize is wrong. Once more you have walked in the flesh rather than the Spirit and at that moment looked like the dead you rather than the Christ-like new you. You pick yourself up and change direction, meaning you determine once more to walk with God, surrender your will to His and do what's right (in religious speak this is called repenting). You don't commit that act again or not for so long that, if you do, it would seriously be pushing things to call it habitual. But some time relatively soon after, you stumble in an entirely different circumstance, and on the surface the two actions don't seem to be at all related. But if you look at the heart of the thing, the motivation that caused it, you'll find that it is the same root of unjust anger, or greed or lust or........ So we find that we have one or more areas of self that we tend to struggle in the most and habitually after all. But regardless, some aren't looking to overcome any one thing as much as just wanting to surrender and walk more and more free with Jesus. Less of self and more of Jesus. Well, Dear Reader, no matter which of these some categories describe you, or even if I missed you, there may be something in today's Moment that will help you. But this will be mostly directed at those who are trying to find freedom from a particular addiction or habitual sin and have not yet experienced long-term recovery in the area yet.
There are a lot of false starts and stumbles for many at the start of recovery. It often takes people longer than a year of journey to walk a year of continuous freedom. The Israelites took 40 years to make a journey that should have taken a little less than two weeks. At the beginning of the journey, a year free of what has ruled our life can seem so far away that the weight of what we're facing can become overwhelming. Here are a few quick things to understand so that you're not surprised, blindsided and knocked back in the wrong direction.
There's a reason for most cliches, and one day at a time is no exception. There's a great old hymn declaring that we should be looking at one day at a time with Jesus and from Jesus. In the rooms of recovery this reminder is often spoken and written. Scripture tells us that today is the day of salvation. Don't look at having to stop doing whatever forever or for the next 40 years or so. Don't even worry about never doing that again. When I first got clean, I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without a drink or drug. When I tried I became overwhelmed and defeated. I just knew I would fail eventually, so why fight if I was only going to lose? What's the point? I might as well just save myself the misery and give in now. But it's not about not relapsing and not sinning for the rest of our lives. It's about not doing it right now. It's about walking with God today. We are going to need His grace to do today as it is. You can't fight a lifetime of battles in this moment, but you can walk this moment in the power of the Spirit and walk free from the bondage of the curse. Don't look at tomorrow or next week or next year or that horribly heavy rest of your life. The good news is that it can get better. It's easy for me to now imagine reaching my death years from now without ever taking a drink or drug. But with other areas of sin, I still need to just worry about walking with God now and let tomorrow worry about itself.
Motivations matter. Jesus made that very clear in His teaching, and what is happening inside is more of an issue than what happens without. In the begging we are fighting the symptom, not the disease. It may not seem like it, because we have to stop the flow of the water and that destruction before we can really examine and fix the problem causing the leak. The addiction isn't the problem. It's the answer. What we are in bondage to now is what we used to solve or escape something else. The Israelites went to Egypt to escape famine and ended up living as slaves for around 400 years. I started drinking at 12 to escape certain pain rather than turning to the God of comfort. I'm not saying that knowing your triggers is the solution, but the truth is that beginning the journey away from all the false solutions to deal with the issues, emotions, pain and fear that we have been hiding from is going to open us up to feeling and facing things that we haven't in a long time, if ever. The reflex action is to reach for that addiction, that false solution. Temptation is going to come at those moments.
We can help ease the torment and escape temptation by honestly questioning our motives. Why am I wanting to do this again? Why am I tempted to try my way, which I have proved doesn't work, over God's will for me? What is it I am trying to escape or distract myself from or fix with this selfishness? And is there a Godly answer to the fear and discomfort that I am feeling that will keep me traveling under the shelter of His will? Is it when I am stressed that I seek this escape most or when I am feeling insecure or..... Avoiding triggers will not work forever, but knowing that when I am tired I am inclined toward the quick and easy false fix can help me see that I need to learn to find my rest in relationship with Jesus. It's not about avoiding triggers as much as it is learning to face and deal with and respond to them in the right way through relationship with Jesus by grace.
And along those lines, remember that we resist the devil but we flee temptation. Once again, I am not saying that avoiding triggers is the answer. But don't be stupid or play games with yourself. I can walk inside any bar and grill with a friend and eat lunch without a problem....today. But I am a recovered alcoholic, and that wasn't always true. I remember going to a Mexican restaurant with friends during my early days and being driven to distraction by the light making a margarita on a passing waitress' tray glow. I mean it lit up like a neon sign. Had I been alone I would have ordered one. When you're already craving the chains, don't walk into the dungeon. Even if it's been a recent struggle, be cautious. If you fight temptation, you will lose. If you flee it, especially by running to the refuge of relationship with our Protection and Champion, there will be a way of escape.
It's going to get worse before it gets better. It's going to get uncomfortable. Quitting anything that has been habitually used to escape, quiet fear, numb pain and distract from the stress and pressure of reality is going to force us to deal with those things. Until we find our freedom and the solution to those issues in relationship with Jesus, we will have to endure facing them without whatever we have used for so long as a quick fix and stop gap. That's not fun, and that's not even dealing with the issue of physical withdrawal symptoms that are involved with some areas of bondage. Don't be surprised. Even "non-chemical" addictions, like shopping and gambling, are actually chemical. It's just that our brains are producing the chemicals. Some have experienced physical withdrawal symptoms from quitting activities that had nothing to do with adding outside chemicals to the body. The good news is that these issues are relatively short term. Your body will adjust. Keep walking.
Forgive yourself. Do it every day if you have to, even every hour. Many know God has forgiven them, but they can't forgive themselves. Shame and self-condemnation are guards in the prison of addiction and habitual sin. Beating yourself up doesn't help you determine to do right (as one may think) as much as it drives you from God to the wrong answer. Instead of letting God make us new and clean, we hide and make poor excuses for clothes out of the leaves around us. Practice extending the same grace of God toward yourself that He does.
Tied in with this is to stop hiding in shame. That which is hidden in the dark will be brought to light. It is much better to do it ourselves in a safe and Godly way than to let shame make us hide and bring defeat until it is exposed in a negative way, whatever it is. There are some fallen ministers who could attest to this from painful experience. Find someone to talk to that you can reveal your hidden shame to. For those who work the steps, this would be Step 5, but even if the steps are not the path of your journey with Jesus, we are told to confess our sins one to another and to pray for each other that we can be healed (James 5:16). We need one another for accountability, advice, prayer support, encouragement, and transparency.
Focus on the solution rather than the problem. And the most important element in that idea is to keep looking to Jesus, the source and completion of our all ability to believe, hope and do. He is the solution. And don't trust willpower, which always eventually fails.
Remember that most areas of habitual sin and addiction stem from or are aspects of our natural instincts and desires gone awry. Don't curse the desire. Our instincts and drives toward pleasure, comfort, safety, etc. are all created by and given to us by God. Fire can be the most wonderful and useful tool. Used correctly and at the right time, it can save your life. Or, it can be a destructive force that ruins lives and kills. It's not the fire that's the issue. It's how, what, when, why and where it's brought to life. Now, I am not saying that there will be a proper time and place or way for you to use heroin. What I am saying is that the drive that we were responding to when we turned to the heroin or whatever it was, that need we had, is not evil. That need came from God and there is a way to meet that need within His will that will bring joy, peace and contentment in that area.
Oh, and one last thing. for those who related at the start of this to the idea of rather dying happy than living miserable, I completely understand. Not only did I use that excuse more than once to quit fighting for freedom, it's a concept I still feel very much today. The only real difference is that I stopped believing the lie that the short term instant relief that made me feel worse after would actually make me happy and that the short term struggle in life without a false answer would make me more miserable than giving in to destruction. I'd still rather die happy. In fact, I truly intend to. The only real difference is that Jesus is my joy and not the junk I sold myself to. I fully intend to die happy, and you can too.
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