When I think on that I remember one of my favorite scenes from the movie Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home:
Elderly patient: [the dialysis patient is being wheeled down the hall after being given the pill by McCoy] [joyfully]
Elderly patient: The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney! The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney!
Intern #1: [in disbelief, walking ahead of the patient] Fully functional?
Intern #2: [incredulous] Fully functional!
Yeah, if you needed dialysis but instead grew a new kidney you'd probably want to tell the world too, and it wouldn't matter if it was because of a pill or a graft or stem cells or the hand of God forming it within you. There would be no hesitation or embarrassment. I needed a kidney, and now I have one! And that's how many feel whose lives are in as bad shape as a kidney in need of dialysis and who find solution and freedom and restoration. It's something that couldn't happen on its own or because of them, and they want to tell everybody. For some that never changes, and for others it fades some with time and the drudgery of the day to day. With others fear kills it as they hesitate to share. What happens if I tell everybody and the kidney stops working? What happens if I tell you how to get free and stay free and then I relapse? What happens if I tell you Jesus is the answer and then I make the mistake of looking to something else. stumble and fall?
But for still others, the ones who remember the truth that their kidney was shot, there was no hope and now they have life worth living, don't need dialysis and who know that the same thing is available to all who are willing to do what they did, there is even more to it than wanting to share. Christians who discover the joys of the love of God, want to love others the way that they have been loved, the way that Jesus loves. They are filled with compassion for the lost and the broken, as Jesus was and is. Those in recovery see the results in their own life of people caring, sharing what they have found and guiding the newcomer toward the solution. They want to do more than tell, they want to help others who are still suffering walk the path, find the joy and peace and love, and contentment they have. They want to give it away.
The desire to be of service is real. It has to be for the truth of freedom comes from the sacrifice and denial of self. The example of Christ is the example of service to others and caring with compassion for the lost, broken and hungry. The thankful heart of the recovered desires to help others find what you have found, to be there for those on the path after you as there were those on the path before you who helped you find your way. We are not in this alone, and the need to bear one another's burdens and encourage one another is a big part of any real spiritual life.
Still, that type of service and sacrifice is not natural to many of us and comes with its own fears and drains. To give and give without refreshing supply can cause us to feel like we have given too much and have nothing left to give. To give till and when it hurts can damage the sense of a joyful life when joy begins to once more be equated with comfort and ease rather than the freedom of others and the glory of the God who gave us our life worth living. In other words, when self begins to sprout little shoots of life from the roots which have not yet been totally removed.
We are sheep, and we are always to be the sheep of our Good Shepherd. But some sheep are called to be helpers of the Shepherd. Little shepherds if you will. Not all are called to preach. Not all called to run shelters or rehab facilities. Not all are called to go to the streets or foreign lands. But to whom much has been given, much is required. The more we have been healed, the more we have been restored, those who have gotten their new kidney are indeed called to freely give what they have freely received. How we give may vary, but we are all called to do that giving. Always. Those who have found the path and learned to walk it are always called to help those who are on the path with them.
The fear though is that there's not enough. Not enough of us to go around and give so much. Not enough time. Not enough resources. Not enough energy. That we'll be sucked dry from leech-like people who are not so much looking for freedom and restoration as sustenance. There is the fear that if we spend too much time, energy and resources on those who are not really seeking the solution there will not be enough left to help those who follow and may truly desire that help. And there are the failures, the times when we give and give and see no results, no freedom, no change. Why should we waste our time and sacrifice ourself like that? It's one thing to die to self so that others may live, but what's the point in dying to self if the others continue to die anyway?
We can become discouraged, bitter, jaded and, yes, selfish again, as we try to protect ourselves from giving too much to people who don't respond the way that we feel they should. Ezekiel 34 is all about God's heart on the matter, on His view of the little shepherds who refuse to seek the lost and feed and care for the sheep.
Should not the shepherds feed the flocks? You eat the fat and clothe yourselves with the wool; you slaughter the fatlings, but you do not feed the flock. The weak you have not strengthened, nor have you healed those who were sick, nor bound up the broken, nor brought back what was driven away, nor sought what was lost...therefore, O shepherds, hear the word of the Lord! Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require My flock at their hand; I will cause them to cease feeding the sheep, and the shepherds shall feed themselves no more; for I will deliver My flock from their mouths, that they may no longer be food for them." For thus says the Lord God: “Indeed I Myself will search for My sheep and seek them out."
- Ezekiel 34:2-4,9-11
In Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery programs, the same idea, that we can not shirk our call to freely give back, is made clear in statements like this: When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.
There is a calling, a responsibility to serve. The call for compassion is a must respond to, if we intend to continue living a life worth living with joy and peace. If we allow selfishness and fear to prevent us from walking in love, we can not continue to receive what we have been given, because we cut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit, and God will not force His blessings on us, should we choose to cut ourselves off from Him and them.
Yes, there will be times when it hurts. Jesus hurt when He gave. There will be times when it feels like we are giving all that we have, perhaps even what we do not have. Jesus gave it all as well. There will be times when our gift is not received or responded to as it should be. Jesus understand that as well. He came to give life, abundant life worth living, freedom from captivity and bondage, with brokenness healed and restored and lives changed for the better. How many reject that gift? How long did we fail to respond as we should? And how many little shepherds tried to help the Spirit show us the way before we finally responded to God the way that we needed to? What if all those previous seeds, that may have seem wasted time, energy and resources to the sowers, had not been sown? Would the one who finally reaped had anything to reap? What if only 10% of the ones we pour our lives into find the freedom and truth we are responsible to share? Wouldn't that 10% be worth what we gave in total? Jesus thinks so.
Service is not always easy or fun. If it was they would call it rest and recreation. It's service and sacrifice. But it does bring blessing, the blessing of being where we are supposed to be and doing what we are supposed to do. It gives purpose. And, since we haven't yet totally killed our selfishness, it helps to ensure we keep our new kidney, even when the person we are trying to help doesn't get one. It will be draining. But God provides everything that we need to the service He wants us to do. He gives us the food to give others, He guides us in finding the lost. He helps us to heal and restore the broken. There is enough, because He is and has enough. Yes, sometimes, many times, it will cut into our time, mean we cant have or do something that we want and will be inconvenient. That's why it's called dying to self and not living for self. Let us not be afraid to give, let us not fear giving too much or that the sacrifice is not worth the price. Let us remember Jesus, who gave all for all, even though not all would accept His giving or respond as they should and follow His lead.
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