Unshackled Moments ~ November 5, 2018 ~ More

According to my parents, my first word was hallelujah. I don't know the order of the words that followed, Mama, Daddy, etc., but somewhere in there as I began expressing myself verbally I learned another word. More. Of course, this word was coupled with other words. My parents tell me that it was most often joined with macaroni, as in "more roni." I still love good mac' and cheese by the way.

As I grew older and the pain in life increased, the  power of hallelujah faded for me, but if one word could express the theme of my life it was that other one, more. More meant everything to me. More was my answer. I sought ought more with everything I was. Though I may not have spoken it as much, I spoke it in action. More approval and acceptance. When that failed, I continued seeking it but added more pleasure and excitement and distraction. Then more of everything that helped me escape or numbed the fear and misery and disappointment or brought momentary pleasure. And when those things destroyed my life and I couldn't break free of the chains I had strapped on myself, I needed more of something else. Lack of power was my dilemma. Lack of the power to say no to  the chemicals and habits that were killing me and destroying my life. Lack of power to do right instead of wrong. Lack of power to love instead of living and reacting selfishly at every moment. And the answer to that lack of power was more.

I had the right word. I  applied it incorrectly. To have a life worth living, to find the solution to the emptiness within and the struggle and despair of life, the answer really is more. More of Jesus, less of me. Four decades and a few years later, I haven't changed much from the toddler I was in the early seventies. I want more. I need more. The answer is always more. More relationship. More of a closer walk with Daddy. More time with Daddy. More of a connection to the Spirit. More guidance from and submission to the Spirit. More dependence upon grace and the work of Jesus.

And the beauty of that aspect of more is that it is the same more that God wants. He wants us to want more of Him, to seek Him more, to submit to Him more, so that He can give us more. More love. More peace. More joy. More power. I found the answer at two or so years of age. Hallelujah, give me more. I lost my way trying to find my own solution, trying more and more of the wrong things that either led to death or crushed me under the weight of performance. I didn't have the power to do right and live right and love well. I didn't have the power to say no to self and sin. But there is one who has all power, that One is God. He has the power to set us free, to give us life and make us new through the work of Jesus on our behalf, and His greatest desire is to give us more.


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