Unshackled Echo ~ April 5 ~ Brothers And Bars

My wonderful wife was adopted as a child, and because of that I wound up with four brothers-in-law rather than the one I was close to in high school. I considered Paul a good friend from junior high through high school, even though we hung out less toward the end of my high school career as I drifted further and further to the dark side and though he told me not to ask his sister out. I can't imagine why he wouldn't want me to date his sister back then, I don't have to imagine it. I can't imagine why anyone who cared about their sister would have wanted me anywhere near her. I'm just glad that he is glad to have me as a brother-in-law.

I usually start thinking about Brian more this time of year, as the weather turns nice again and the motorcycle starts calling my name. Dalyn, it's time to ride again. Let's go. Brian is Paul and Leah's (and their sister Anne's) little brother, and he was an awesome guy. I didn't really get to know him in high school, but the time I had to sit out semesters put me behind in college just enough to get to know him as we spent time in the art department at SFA together. We became friends and shared a few Shiner Bock's and Papa John's pizzas in the late/early hours, along with other art students who, like the two of us, had keys to the building. In May of 1997, when I was still working for the local newspaper as a photographer, a drunk driver turned in front of Brian's motorcycle. Brian became the first friend whose fatality accident I would have to cover for the paper. I sometimes wonder how he would feel about me marrying his sister, and I hope he'd approve.

When Leah and I began our life together I learned about the other two, her biological brothers (and a sister). She talked to me about them, how much she missed them, and what it would mean to her to have all three of them back in her life. I am grateful that Leah is in touch with all three of her biological siblings now, but today I am concentrating on the men Leah calls brothers. One of her two biological brothers I have not personally met outside of social media yet. I look forward to the day that I do get to have some face time with Jody and get to know him.*

I saved Shane for last, because it worked better for the writing, as this while thing really started out as a thought of what my two brothers-in-law have in common. See the problem? That was my thought, but I have four, It's just that one has died and that other I don't really know, yet. So they don't come to mind as quickly as the other two I am closer to now. Paul and Shane have a few things in common, despite not being related to each other themselves. I happen to love them both and would be happy to have either or both of them as friends even if Leah and I had not gotten together. They both have the most amazing and beautiful sister who loves them very much. They both have the best brother-in-law who loves their sister. And they both love going to see live music.

Paul and I often talk about the shows he has seen recently or will see in the near future. He asked Leah and I to join him at an Ace Frehley show, but we weren't able to do it. And I was a little envious when he told me that he'd seen Scott Stapp right before one of our visits. Shane also wants to take Leah and I to see some bands that he likes, although his taste in music is different than Paul's. The upcoming Spazmatics show on my birthday might be fun. I'm rambling and taking a long time to get to my point, so thank you for bearing with me Dear Reader. I just woke this morning feeling very grateful for the brothers Leah has had, and how they have all meant something to me as well.

What kicked off all this thinking about my brothers-in-law is Shane's recent kindness. He wants to plan some things for us to do together, us being Leah and I and he and his wife Carla, and, like Paul, live music is something he loves.  Despite his great desire to see a show with us, he offered to let that idea go and said it was probably a bad idea, since it was in a bar. I loved him even more for that, because I felt like that consideration and willingness to do something different stemmed mostly out of respect or concern about the fact that I am a minister or that I am in recovery and can't drink. I asked Leah to make sure that he knows that a bar is not a problem.

The thing is, the obsession to drink and drug has been removed, praise God, and I can go anywhere without fear that I need to go. I happen to like country music as well as rock, and it's pretty much impossible to see a country show in this town without going to a bar/dance hall to do it. I have been in plenty of places and situations where alcohol and or drugs have been readily available, and will do so again. Now, I'm not going to hang out in the dope house without reason, and I'm not going to go sit at a bar after work for fun. But if there's someone that I need to talk to, a bar or a dope house won't slow me down, I'm not afraid of the lion's den, and if there is a band I want to see with my family, I have no problem with a wet venue.

There are places I can't go as both a recovered drug addict and alcoholic and as a preacher. I can't go visit Angry Town. I can't help driving through from time to time, but to stop there for any length of time is far more dangerous than any bar and grill, or dope house for that matter. I can't spend too much time in Feartropolis either. Self Pity City is more dangerous than a fridge full of beer or whiskey in the freezer. These are places I wish I could avoid completely, but I can't. I need God's grace to stay out of them or, when I fail to do that, to get through them quickly and safely without getting stopped. These are the things that will get me drunk and high and remove my ability to be a good husband, sober or not. The road that leads to all three of these danger zones is Self St.

If we, who are believers, even believers in recovery, stay out of self and in the will of our Heavenly Daddy, there is nowhere and nothing we need to fear to face or go. We can walk into the fire without being burnt, we can spend the night in a lion's den without being consumed, we can return to Egypt without returning to the bondage of our past, and we can go to the grave and not die. The simple truth is that if we engage in self destructive behavior by taking up our cross and following Jesus there is nothing that can hold us captive or bring destruction into our lives. If we refuse to surrender to Him though, there is no place safe enough, dry enough or clean enough to keep us clean and sober. The problem is a spiritual one, the freedom is found in Christ, the danger is not in people, places, situations or triggers but in self will and playing God. Today let us be quick to surrender to God and destroy self, that we may find our salvation for this day.

Today's Unshackled Echo was previously published on

March 5, 2016.
*I am happy to have been able to meet and get to know Jody in person since this was written. I have another brother-in-law I would gladly be friends with  and share a love for motorcycles with. He's an awesome guy, and I am grateful and feel very blessed for  Jody, Paul, Shane and the memories  of Brian. I hit the brother-in-law jackpot.

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