O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
- Psalm 6:1-4
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Step 11
Step 11 is carefully worded to help people remember that our life and our freedom from sin, bondage and all forms of addiction is found in relationship with God. We need to seek a deeper and more meaningful understanding and practice of that relationship as we begin to feel better and stronger in recovery and not, as is the natural tendency, rely less on Him or grow more independent as we get further from the desperate neediness of Step 1. It is important to remember that the root of our problems is found in selfishness and self centeredness that we were in bondage to when we tried to live independently, as the rulers of our own lives, without surrender to and relationship with God. If we, as we begin to feel comfortable, happy, healthy and less needy, begin to seek God less, since we feel we have less need, we will inevitably drift right back to that place of bondage to self as we take back control over our lives and will. No, we must always become more and more dependent, more surrendered and submissive to Him, and more desiring to experience awareness of His presence.
This awareness of presence is tied to walking and talking and listening to God, to being mindful of Him as we go through our day. We talk to Him, and we listen. This is the essence of prayer and meditation. As we have less desperation, we should pray more rather than less. I'm not saying that we should pray more to lay some spiritual burden on our backs or to set some standard we have to meet in order to be spiritual enough or good enough. It should happen naturally if we were true and honest about our work in the previous ten steps, or, if you're a Christian who never applied the 12 Steps to discipleship, it should still be a naturally increasing aspect of following Jesus. But happening naturally doesn't mean that we don't actively put effort into the process .It is natural for me to want to eat when hungry, but I still must then seek food and act on that hunger. We were broken, in need, and dying in our bondage. Jesus came, called us to Himself, broke our chains and gave us life. I'm so glad, so very grateful that Jesus set me free, that He loves me and cares for me, that it is only natural to want to spend time Him, to be conscious of His presence.
In the beginning, we may be hurting so much or so afraid of going back to the life before surrender that our constant prayer is God help me. There is nothing wrong with that. He is our strength and our refuge. Step 11 reminds us though that there is more to prayer than taking a list of our wants and wishes to God. Yes, our loving Daddy does want us to take our needs, and even our desires to Him, so praying about our needs and what we would like is within the will of God. If that were not so, then the beginning of Christ's prayer time in the Garden of Gethsemane would have been outside the will of God, and Jesus did nothing outside the will of Daddy. It's OK to talk to Daddy about what we want or would prefer, He already knows what's in our heart anyway, might as well talk to Him about it. But we need to keep in mind the goal is always to bend, conform and surrender our will to His, not con, manipulate or bend God's will to ours to make Him give us what we want.
But there is a prayer that is sweet to our soul and sweet to the ears of Daddy, even when it may be wordless. God is more than just our provider, more than a source of power and what we need. He is our Daddy, our friend closer than a brother, the lover of our soul. That should cause us to desire to spend time with and communicate with and think of Him throughout our day. But even more than that, He is most glorious, amazing God. He is the Creator of heaven and earth and all that is found therein. He is the Everlasting Lord, and He is worthy of our worship and our praise.
If we have truly been surrendering our life and will to Him and have been relieved of the bondage of self in order that our lives may be a demonstration of His love, power and way of life, for His glory, then we should be seeing that demonstration of love and power that gives Him glory. Our demonstration of giving Him glory is not just for others. We can not help but be awed and amazed by Him as we recognize more and more all He has done and the truth of who He is. There is more to conscious contact and awareness of His presence in relationship. Even seeking His will and the power to carry that out is only the beginning.
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