If people throw stones at you, pick em up and build something.
- Lecrae
At first glance this might seem like cheesy positive thinking of the if life hands you lemons, make lemonade variety. It sounds good and tells you to do something positive with the negative, I guess if delivered right it can be inspirational, but there's not much substance. Lemonade is more than just lemon juice. If you don't know how to make it, telling you to just do it, doesn't help much. Pick up the stones and build something? Do I look like an engineer?
But I'm being a bit of a negative jerk because I'm tired. This quote caught my attention for a reason. So instead of just writing it off as another meme worthy cliche, I decided to spend a little time thinking about what it means and why it struck a note with me this morning.
What does it mean to throw stones or to have stones thrown at you? Well, there was a time, when that quite literally meant exactly what it sounds like. When one was judged guilty of a crime against society or faith the crowd would drag them to the outskirts of town and throw big rocks at the person until they killed them. It wasn't as long and painful as crucifixion, but it was still an execution. So the first thing to remember when on the subject of throwing stones is that what we are saying when we accuse someone of throwing stones is you're killing me, painfully.
Although there are still places in the world where this happens, it's not common in most areas. For the most part, no one is walking around with a stone in their hand waiting for a chance to hurl it. We don't have piles of rocks on the outskirts of our cities and towns in case someone gets out of line. Our stones are words, and are slingshots are the tongue. We are far more quick and deadly accurate with that weapon than we are with our throwing arm. And come on, that lie we were told when we were children, and most likely passed on to some child after we learned the falsehood of it has hurt almost as much as the throwing of stones. You know the one I mean. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. What a load! Words hurt. They kill. And all that little saying does is teach children to shove the pain down and pretend they're fine when they're not. Let's be honest and encourage others to be honest as well. Words have done more damage to us than we care to admit, the words of others, the words we imagine others think and say, the words we accuse and cut ourselves with, the words we put in the mouth of God.
There are a few different shapes and sizes of stones we throw. Yes, we. You've done it. I've done it. And we've had it done to us. We may not have chucked every example, we may have our favorite, the one that fits most naturally in our hand, but we have all tossed a stone or two. Wait, this isn't what this Moment is supposed to be about! The quote is about when others throw stones at us, not about me throwing stones at them! Yeah, we'll get there. But first, let's take a look at the plank in our eyes before we try to mess with the speck in someone else's.
Where was I? Oh, right...a few different shapes and sizes of stones we throw. There's the put down and put them in their place rocks. When we think someone feels they are or is better than us, there is nothing we like more than to tear them down. We feel inferior, so we raise our own esteem by lowering the esteem of others in our eyes, in their eyes and in the eyes of others with our words. We tear them down any way we can, and we don't always care if there is some exaggeration or flat out lying involved. And these stones are very similar in shape to the ones that seek the outcasts and lepers as targets. The ones who don't fit into the neat little peg holes of society, the ones that don't measure up, the ones who can't or won't conform to the norm, these make easy targets to tear down even more, which has the two-fold effect of making us feel better about ourselves by pointing out that at least we're not as messed up or as bad as they are, and it provides distraction. Distraction? Yes, distraction. If I'm throwing stones at you and keeping you as a target in the eyes of my fellow hurlers, they are less likely to realize that I make a nice target as well.
There's also stones of blame. Keep people trained on the mistakes and failures of others so that they don't see our own. Or shift responsibility of our own mistakes to someone else. This is the oldest stone to throw. Adam tossed one at both God and Eve in the garden. The woman You gave me....it's her fault for giving me the fruit and Your fault, God, for giving me her, I'm not to blame. Everything wrong with us becomes someone else's doing, someone else's responsibility. And the weight of blame, justified or not, can kill us. Those stones are heavy and make it hard to breathe as they pile up on our chests. And what do I mean by justified? None of us are blameless. There are stones of blame that hit us because we are responsible and guilty. Not every stone thrown at me has been undeserved. That's probably true of you as well, and we all know we felt most of the ones we threw were well deserved.
And the stones of shame may be the sharpest. You're not good enough. You never have been. You never will be. You're unloved and unacceptable. You're stupid and ugly inside and or out. You are worthless and unwanted. Because of who you are or were or have been or have done or whatever, you are less than. The worst part about the stones of shame is that when others throw them at us, we have a tendency to pick them up, throw them high into the air so that they fall hard and fast back down upon us. We tend to do more damage to ourselves with these missiles than anyone else, or at least help them out. And then we try to relieve the pain by passing it on to another. One rock for you and one for me, I have two hands after all, and we just throw and throw stones of shame until no one can look anyone in the eye for fear of becoming a target.
So first, let us see that we throw stones and why. We throw them to distract and take the target off ourselves. We throw them to make us feel and look better. We throw them because we feel superior and righteous. We throw them to belong and to point out others who belong less than we. We throw them because we aren't loving. Remember where most of this discussion of throwing stones comes from? It's from the story in the Bible where the woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus, He told those there to cast a stone if they themselves were without sin, and then, after the accusers left, He forgave her. No one said she was innocent. Jesus forgave her. But she was caught in the act. She was guilty. Sometimes we are too. Sometimes our targets are. But when we defend ourselves for throwing stones by claiming truth, we are forgetting the truth that the only blameless one who had the right to throw and never be a target Himself, forgave, loved and took our target upon Himself. We are forgetting that if everyone who deserved a stone tossed their direction got it, no one would be left standing to throw. Let us forgive and love like Jesus. Let us build up instead of tearing down. Let us drop our rocks and restore rather than exercise our right to fulfill the judgment of the law.
But what about the quote? What about when we are being pummeled? Then build something with stones. Build what? How about a path to refuge? We can let those stones become a road that no matter what the terrain or the weather can provide a way to a life worth living for ourselves and others. It is our past, the word of our testimony, our experience, strength and hope that says this is the blame that was mine but is now gone. I did that but that is not who I am. Shame is wrong because I am loved and valued by God and so are you. I may be unacceptable to some, but God made me for a purpose to reflect a particular part of Himself to those who may never see it otherwise. He accepts me and loves me as I am, not as I should be. The stones that are lies don't have to hit their target anymore we use the shield of the truth of what God says about us. And the ones that are true? The ones that show our weaknesses show His strength, faithfulness and forgiveness. When we lift Him up and give Him glory, then when people throw stones our way, they only make a path for others to see the way to life. The stones don't have to kill us, they don't have to cause us to kill ourselves, they don't have to inspire us to hurl at others, but they can be used to take us closer to Daddy and to bring comfort and benefit to others.
This is what some say about me, but this is what God says. This is what I was caught in the act of, but also what God is able to and desiring to forgive because of His great love for me. This is my inability to belong, to fit in, to conform, and this is how the God of the universe showed me that I fit right into His arms and His plans. This is what I became and felt like I was because of all I had done and the weight of shame I carried, but this is also where God gave me a new name and a new definition that shame couldn't touch. All these stones hurled at me? Sometimes even by myself? They aren't killing me any more. I found a refuge from them. Here's the road. It leads to Jesus and a cross. You can walk it as much as I. It's made of stone, and it's covered in blood. It calls for death, but it is the way to life, life worth living so great that it can be given away without losing anything.
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