This heroin's got me by the soul Baby. It's taken me places Jesus won't go.
- Janelle Odami
The above quote hit me so hard I almost cried a few weeks ago. I was watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU, in which Adina Porter gave an amazing performance as a woman who wanted to care for her sons but had lost all hope to beat her addiction. Her realistic depiction of a dope whore didn't make me nearly cry. Nor was it the horrible misery scattered throughout the episode in the lives of pretty much every character that interacted with Janelle. And it wasn't even from feeling sorry for myself and being able to relate to certain aspects of the character.
And I could relate to a lot more than I like to admit. I wasn't a heroin addict, but that was only because I liked the milder opium, alcohol and uppers better and I boycotted heroin on principle for taking Jimi Hendrix away from us, along with other great musicians. It wasn't that I was afraid I'd die. I was pretty sure I was going to die young the way I was going, but I believed the world wouldn' lose much when I was gone and had lost much with the loss of Hendrix and the others. And part of the reason that, to quote Nikki Sixx, I had to go down a dead end street at 200 miles an hour, screaming for vengeance and embracing death, is because of the part I related to the most, the lost hopelessness and drowning in the depths of despair that came from thinking I'd gone too far for even Jesus to rescue me.
Yesterday we remembered the resurrection of Christ where Jesus overcame His own death and rose again. That is awesome, and the crux of the matter. Without the resurrection, following Jesus would be stupid, pointless,, and, according to Paul, most pitiful. There are more philosophically satisfying belief systems. But there's nothing that compares to a relationship with Jesus. However the resurrection is the exclamation point, not the sentence. It's necessary because it gives the sentence both meaning and truth, but the sentence matters. Jesus was able to rise from the dead because He died. He died, without deserving to, because He lived on this earth in a human body. And that, the living and breathing and dying, He did for me and for you.
Life can be hell on earth. Life can be hard and miserable. It's full of suffering, and then you die. Pain tells us we're alive, and the scars remind us that the past is real. These are all ideas that express how many have felt about a purposeless, pointless, painful life, and Jesus chose to walk in it. He lived for us, suffered rejection and beating and execution for us, and, went to the grave for us. He didn't stay there, praise God! He is risen! He is risen indeed! But He went there.
Psalm 139:8 puts it this way:
If I ascend up into heaven, you are there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, you are there.
This is one of my favorite verses now. I remember reading it for the first time in prison. If I'd read or heard it before then, I glossed over it without it impacting me. But in prison. in the hell that I had brought upon myself, it meant something. I nearly cried at the stupid TV show because Janelle had been so wrong, and so had I. So had a lot of other people who felt like they'd gone or been taken places Jesus wouldn't or couldn't go in order to rescue and redeem them. There's no place you can go or have gone and no reason why you went there that the love of Jesus can not and will not penetrate to pursue and rescue you. No addiction is too great. No shame is too deserved. No crime is too evil. If you're still breathing, you're still eligible for the freedom and acceptance and love that is found in Christ.
I nearly cried because of gratitude. I am so grateful that the love of God chased me into hell as I ran from Him. I'm so glad that when I hid my face in shame, He called my name in love. And I am so glad that what He did for me, He did and will do for you, if you let Him.
I loved you long before the time your eyes first saw the day
And everything I've done has been to help you on the way
But you took all that you wanted then at last you took your leave,
And traded off a Kingdom for the lies that you believed
And although you've chosen darkness with it's miseries and fears
Although you've gone so far from Me and wasted all these years
Even though my name's been spattered by the mire in which you lie
I'd take you back this instant if you'd turn to Me and cry.
I don't care where you've been sleeping, I don't care who's made your bed
I've already gave My life to set you free;
There's no sin you could imagine that is stronger than my love,
And it's all yours if you'll come home again to Me.
When you come back to your senses and you see who's been to blame,
Remember all the good things that were yours with just My name;
Then don't waste another thought before you change the way you're bound
I'll be running out to meet you if you'll only turn around
I don't care where you've been sleeping, I don't care who's made your bed
I've already gave My life to set you free;
There's no sin you could imagine that is stronger than my love,
And it's all yours if you'll come home again to Me.
- I Don't Care Where You've Been Sleeping by Don Francisco
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