The subject of this particular blog/podcast was sparked by a question that I was asked by a follower of my Facebook page. She stated, “I just passed my one year anniversary of being sober. Over the past year everything has gone wrong, nothing is going right for me. What did I do to deserve this? I thought getting sober would make my life better? I’m not sure if this is all worth it?”
Mark Tuschel does a good job addressing these feelings and questions in the blog that gave me so much to think about. I'm not going to summarize or restate what he said, and I'm not going to address these questions here. I will say that if you want to dig a little deeper, you can listen to the 12 minute podcast or read it. I'll give a link to the page at the end. Warning: While Tuschel has it right, in fact the part I found closest to wrong about what he said is still, in my opinion, right, the blog/podcast has some rough language in it. If you can ignore that, or if foul language doesn't bother you, check it out. If it would be offensive to you, you've been warned. Don't follow the link.
So why am I even starting with this, if I'm not going to address those questions themselves? And why would I recommend reading or listening to something that may be offensive? I'll answer the last first. Yes, I'm a minister and a Christian, and some of those who read and listen to what I post are Christians who might find foul language offensive. To Those I would say don't go to that page. But many I minister to, who read the Unshackled Moments are fellow addicts and and alcoholics who might not even notice such colorful adjectives. It's not offensive to them because it doesn't mean anything. Profanity is a second language for many in the dark places I've been, and it tends to lose its shock value, impact and offensiveness. I often don't notice it at all unless I'm with someone I know it will bother. It simply doesn't register, and I know there are others in recovery the same way. I won't withhold valuable information based on it, but I will rate it P for profane and let you, Dear Reader, make your own choice about whether or not to expose yourself to it.
As to the first question, I am going to address it, just not in the same way. I feel no need to answer that legitimate question of why here. Instead, I've been thinking a lot about that opening paragraph, which is why I wanted to give Tuschel credit, and state how I would respond to this if the question were sent to me, if someone I was taking through the steps asked me such a question, or how I'd respond to myself when my mind goes why is this happening to me? In the realm of recovery, I believe there is something more important going on here.
It's perfectly natural to think and feel this way and to ask such questions. I'm not even going to say that it's always wrong to do so. It can't be. How do I know? Well, because the only man who never sinned felt this way when He cried out, My God, My God, why have You forsaken me? Jesus felt forsaken, and He asked the question. Asking the question isn't wrong. But He didn't stay in that place. Not long after, just before He died, He said, Father, into Your hands I commend My Spirit. That last statement shows that regardless of how He felt, He knew that Daddy would receive Him, that He had not been forever forsaken and that He could trust Daddy.
Though His pain and confusion and suffering momentarily made Him turn His attention to what He was feeling and going through, He did not fall into the trap of selfishness and self-pity. The reward of freedom is never found in self or self-centeredness. In fact, those things are the root of our spiritual problem that has symptoms such as sin and addictions. If someone with a year of sobriety, or even my own mind after almost seven years, begins going to that place of why me? My response would be to remind them or myself, that we've gotten off track. It's not wrong to ask the question, but it is dangerous to stay in that place. It's not about you. And it's not about me. Jesus was not free when He cried out. He was taking all the bondage, shame and guilt we have upon Himself, and we are not free when we are in that place either.
When we are feeling this way it is critical to have the spirit of the Third Step rise up in us and ask God to relieve us of the bondage of self so that we can do His will and demonstrate His power, love and way of life. It is important to examine our self and see if our actions have caused the consequences that are giving us misery, grief and hardship. Sometimes they are. Sometimes it's just a matter of being alive in a fallen world. Bad things happen, even to good people. If we are in the wrong, we need to repent and get right. But in both instances the more important question, the question that can take us back to a place of freedom and a life worth living, one that doesn't suck even when the circumstances do. is not why?, but what? What can I learn from this, what can I learn about God's love and care for me and His faithfulness towards me? What can I do use this to somehow give Him glory and to help someone else? When we turn our attention back from self and onto Daddy, we can trust Him, we can confidently commend our spirits, our lives, and our circumstances to Him, even if they aren't going to change. And we can then be a light. We can say to someone hurting and struggling, I know life is hard sometimes, there are struggles. But I also know that even in the dark times and the Valley of the Shadow, God is with me and His love never fails. This is how I know. I've been where you are. Sobriety, and even relationship with Daddy, doesn't always make our circumstances better. We want it to, and we ask those questions when we don't get what we want or expect in the time and or way that we want. But life is not our circumstances. Life is found in relationship with Him.
When we remember that and respond to suffering by running to Daddy, life can and will get better. Sometimes when circumstances are the worst, when the outside is full of hardship and struggle and suffering is when we can most be close to and comforted by God. The worst of times can also be the best of times, if we do not obsess on the why and get lost in self but instead remember the Who and get lost in Him.
If you want some answers to the why, the blog that inspired this is found here. I would only add that sometimes life sucks because the effects of the curse have not yet been fully eradicated. We still live in a fallen world. God bless.
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