Unshackled Moments ~ May 1, 2017 ~ A Different Kind Of Friend

Sometimes being a friend is hard. I'm not talking about hanging out with a buddy you care about and believe cares about you. I'm talking about answering the call to love and being a friend to someone who needs it but doesn't deserve it. That person whom God has put on your heart to care for and show friendship, love and compassion to but about whom every instinct for emotional self preservation says cut them loose, quit trying, get them out of your life before the pain becomes too much to bear and cuts your heart to shreds.

It's easy to spot these dangers. The people who only want something from us or who only interact with us when there's something in it for them. The people who are always a drain emotionally and mentally. They never give, give back or refresh us. Every, or almost every, encounter is an act of service or ministry. It doesn't take long for that to stop feeling like friendship and start feeling like work.

Then there's the people who slap away the hand reaching out to them, or worse, bite the hand trying to care for their wounds. You show love. They show indifference. You reach out, and they reject and ignore. The Bible says to forgive 70 times 7, but does that include continuing to try to befriend and care for someone who continues to and repeatedly rejects us and pushes us away?

And what of the people who can't seem to care about our feelings and needs? The ones we're trying to forgive and rebuild relationship with after a hurt who can't take it slow and one step at a time? If we're going to be friends. I need to know you care about my needs and feelings as well. I need you to stop doing these things that hurt me and break my heart. They say OK. They claim to be sorry. But the behavior always returns to the mess that caused us to distance ourselves in the first place.

Experience tells us that these relationships are not friendships. Logic tells us to quit while we're behind. Hurt tells us to say screw them. We can do better. We don't need them in our lives. And anger screams hurt them back, hurt them worse. It makes sense, and I don't think anyone would blame us for letting these relationships die. It would be so much easier.

But then I think again to Jesus saying He is a friend who's closer than a brother. He said that about me. He said that about you. And I know that I have been the person He should cut loose. I have been the selfish, self absorbed drain who makes the relationship all about me, who only calls when I need something, who is always a drain. Still He loves me, died for me and calls me to Himself. I have been the one who only wants to spend time on my terms and my schedule. Who has slapped away the caring hand of Jesus and ignored the messages and requests for time and communication over and over, unless it suited me. And most of all, I have been the so-called friend of Christ who has continued to repeat the actions that cause distance, that break His heart. And He has continued to say I love you. Let's try again. He continues to make intercession for me and fight for me. He continues to draw near to me and to draw me to Him. He continues to make His laying down His life available and effective for me. He never takes is back. He never shuts the door on His love for me.

That's when I realize that sometimes loving like Jesus is not just about caring for the stranger and the outcast. It's also a calling to be a friend, to embrace the shame and rejection and accept the hurt that comes from our pride and needs and feelings being nailed to the cross in hopes that one day relationship will be restored and love will be returned. No greater love can we show than to lay down our life, to sacrifice our needs and feelings and desires for a friend, especially a friend who can not or will not do the same in return. Like Jesus, we can intercede with Daddy on their behalf, we can continue to reach our and forgive. Also like Jesus, we can set boundaries and have distance be a consequence of certain behavior and actions, but the love continues and forgiveness is offered anew. Yes, it hurts. The cross is painful. But for the joy of what lays beyond it, we can endure and accept the sacrifice.

Lord, help me to be a friend like you are. Comfort the pain and help me forgive. And forgive me for being a friend to you who should be cut loose and rejected. Thank you for your great and undeserved love.

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