Unshackled Moments ~ May 26, 2017 ~ Get Off The Gas

I spoke with a young man yesterday about his frustration with feeling helpless and powerless and anger with himself for placing himself in the situation. The worst part for him came from the shame of his reaction to those feelings. He had taken it out on someone who loves and cares about him and who is doing everything she can to help him. We talked about it for a while, and I tried to share some things that might help him. He seemed to be doing better by the time we were through, and I am grateful for that, but I know I need to make some note to add to what I told him at our next visit.

I know this, because despite my relationship with my Heavenly Daddy and practice walking the spiritual principles that have given me a life worth living, I found myself in almost his exact position this morning. Powerless, helpless, frustrated, angry, spinning my wheels and not interacting with patience, love, and compassion with and toward others. I was stuck, and the more I tried to get out of the hole, the worse it got.

Things beyond my control interfered with what I needed to do. Three hours after trying to get started, I still have at least an hour left, when, if things hadn't gone wrong, I should have been done an hour and a half or more ago. I managed to stay calm and mostly patient for the first hour or so, but each time I tried to return to the task at hand and had something distract me or stop me, the frustration became more and more difficult to hold back. Finally the dam broke, and the frustration flooded over me, and once that flow began I was helpless. I couldn't stop it. The more I tried, the more helpless I felt, that made me even more frustrated, because I knew I wasn't reacting as I should and as would help me get out of that place and do what needed to be done.

Then I grew angry at myself for getting frustrated, for not reacting in a good and helpful and loving way. It's a lot like panicking because you know that panic is the wrong response and will cause more harm than good but you can't stop. The more necessary it becomes to stop panicking right away, the more impossible it seems to do, and the more not being able to stop it causes the panic to increase. It's a vicious cycle, and frustration, anger and panic have a lot in common in that respect. The more we see the need to stop them, change them, to do and feel the opposite, the more they are fed and grow. And the more we try and fail, the worse we feel, the more shame and or self pity gets in the way and acts as a booster to what we are trying to stop.

What I forgot this morning as I fought and lost this battle with frustration and anger over my powerlessness and helplessness is what I failed to share with my friend. Wisdom, experience, determination and practice aren't enough. Sure, with those things, there will be times when we can see our thinking going out of whack, and we can change it. It's like being able to spot that muddy danger and avoiding it, or if we begin to get stuck, using momentum or direction changes to free us again. But there will also be times when we get stuck. When our thoughts and or emotions just aren't going to be controlled by us, and the more we fight and try, the worse it will get. All the positive and constructive thinking in the world won't change the course of our thinking or how we feel. We're spinning our tires, and pushing the accelerator to the floor isn't going to help. All we're going to do is dig ourselves deeper until the axle hits and things get really bad.

Something outside us has to free us. We need more traction. We need something placed under the tires, between us and the mud we're in, so that the wheels can grab hold and push us forward. Or we need something to drag us from the muck. What we need is not going to be found in us, at least not as a part of us.

Our thinking and our emotions can be our area of most basic and truest freedoms. We can think whatever we want, whenever we want, and no one can stop us. There are times when we are happy or angry and no one, no matter how much they want to control us and change what we're feeling, can make us feel any differently until we are ready to and want to change it. But they are also areas of our biggest bondage. The obsession of the mind and the drive to change the way we feel is what makes breaking addiction impossible to fight for long on our own. And that is because we can't help it. We can't stop it. We can't control it. We are powerless over self, which means and includes powerlessness over the way we feel and the runaway train of our messed up thinking. We can't fix our mind and heart with our mind and heart.

And when our thoughts and emotions are out of control, we can't stay in the will of Daddy, because we can not respond to Him and others the way we should, in and with love, when we can't control, stop or change the way we are reacting to what is going on around and within us. But God understands that. That is why before He ascended into heaven, Jesus told the disciples to wait before they began trying to do what He had just told them to do. Here is your calling; now wait. Wait for what? Power. Literally, what Jesus said is that they, that we, would be given the ability to do. That's the meaning of what we translate as power, the ability to do.

That's what we need that we don't have. The ability to do. The ability to do it differently than we were, than we used to, than we normally or instinctively would. The ability to change the way we feel or the way and direction we are thinking, without relying on manipulation and things that will sooner or later fall short, fail and cause damage, to do so. We can't always control our thoughts and emotions any more than we can always say no to those things that have held us captive or even always want to say no to them. But that same ability to break free from the chains of addiction and sin can also change the way we feel and redirect our thoughts.

The key is to stop fighting.  Get off the gas so the tires stop spinning. We can't make ourselves less helpless and more in control by trying harder or becoming more determined to do what needs to be done. We can however cry out Daddy, help me! I'm stuck, and I can't do anything about it. I need Your ability to do.

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