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Friday, May 5, 2017

Unshackled Moments ~ May 5, 2017 ~ Revenge Of The Fifth

I'm feeling pretty good today, well, at least a lot better than I have been the last few days. More importantly, I suspect I will feel even better tomorrow. Of course I could be wrong, but I won't be hungover. That, for me, is a miracle.

Today is  Star Wars Day 2 for some, otherwise known as Revenge Of The Fifth. For some, it's Cinco de Mayo. For others, it's the first day of the weekend. For me, it's just another day where I need to surrender to God and die to self, because while the image here is somewhat close, it's not really what I think of when I think of a fifth's revenge.

I'm a Star Wars fan. I did go ahead and change profile pictures and cover photos to some Dark Side themed, Revenge Of The Fifth, images. If I can get enough done to catch up on all the work I missed the last couple of days while I've been sick (not gonna happen), I may read a little on the Old Republic series novel I started yesterday. But for the most part, I don't really celebrate or observe SWD2. From what I can see, it's mostly an excuse to dress up like the bad guys, whom I do have to admit have the much more fun and cooler look, and party. I was locked up when Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith came out, and by the first May after my release, 2009, I was in recovery. So while I missed the first near decade of the tradition of partying on this day in the name of Star Wars, I, number one, never really needed an excuse to party, and number two, had one.

I'm a Texas boy who came of age in the 1980's. That is also when beer companies turned a minor Mexican holiday into a huge celebration for those of Mexican descent in the United States and the Tex-Mex crowd. Seriously, what could be better than beer and Tex-Mex food all day? A lot of things actually, but  I bought into it as much as the next guy. And later, May 5 became an excuse to drink straight tequila, instead of my usual rum and whiskey.

I'm not trying to get lost in war stories. But this is what I really think of when I hear the phrase Revenge Of The Fifth. It's not immediately Star Wars. There is a photo somewhere of me passed out on a hotel floor, just trashed beyond belief, after downing a bottle of tequila and a pint of Hot Damn in a short period. I puked all over the hotel bathroom, crawled out into the walkway and passed out there until the next morning, where I woke up hurting and sick and hours late. The friends I was with didn't mark all over me like this Storm Trooper got it, but the moment was captured for posterity. It's not alone. And the last drunk I had, I drank a fifth of tequila and gave myself alcohol poisoning.

That's the thing. I always did it to myself. It wasn't really the fifth's revenge. But boy oh boy did I have a propensity to hurt myself with alcohol. Sometimes the drugs I took made it possible to keep going and drink even more. Sometimes they made the drink hit me faster and harder. And in both cases I poured it down like it wouldn't one day kill me, but it nearly did more than once.

Today, I don't have to live like that. I don't have to anticipate or fear how badly it's going to hurt or how much damage I'm about to do to myself while being powerless to act like I have some sense and just not do it. This is going to hurt was a common thought for me, even as I continued. On May 5, 2010, I was in my cups. I knew I was killing myself. I had relapsed, gone back out, slipped, been stupid, say it however you wish, a couple of months earlier after 15 months clean and sober. Forty pounds lighter and being surprised to even wake up each day, I truly began to fear I would be dead soon. Still, it was nearly two weeks longer, on May 17, before I was able to retake that first step into recovery and set the drink and drugs down. If the tale above sounds familiar to you, if you don't know what it means to have a couple of beers and some tacos because it really is one beer or shot leads to more and to the floor for you, you don't have to wait to get up. There is a solution.

I no longer have to fear the morning after and the Revenge Of The Fifth. Neither do you. If you're tired of the cycle, the chains can be broken. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. - from How It Works


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